encountering bravery...

There are very simple things that we can do in our lives to make a difference, to open up others around us to embrace their being-ness so that communally in this world we can become beautiful. It takes a degree of strength as an individual to do this, to challenge others, for it requires us to open ourselves up to getting pot shots at our vulnerability, particularly when we are employing our gratuity and openness in regular company.

As I was driving to the airport in the US yesterday in NJ, there was a man walking with a backpack and a sign, visible from behind and in front, that said *walking coast to coast, talking about us, mindmaymeet.org*. I quickly SMS’d to myself the web address, so that when I got home I could look at the site. Upon reading the few entries in place, I realized that I was

…encountering bravery: someone who dares us to talk, engage as individuals, as human beings, to share from one being to another in conversation free of hesitation and judgement to make the world a better place

“…because I sense a great underlying sadness and bewilderment about our world. A great unspoken doubt about the wisdom of our official actions. And a vast silence where there should be a prominent tradition of discussion, spanning all cultures and classes, about the state of our great human objectives.” (from his first entry at www.mindsmaymeet.org)

I hope that I am not violating his aim by *glocalizing* his work, for he is shaping conversation, urging us to connect one on one, in the US by walking from coast to coast. I am inspired by his entries so far, he has a keen eye for the epicentre of the human condition as revealed in his words. His goals are similar to mine in the sense that there is a need to create conversations between us as individual beings to explore, implore and challenge ourselves to cross that silent divide and share, think, feel and act.

Yet his aims and how he is committing himself to make a difference are deeper and more profound—he feels that sadness permeating the human condition, he is deeply connected to the human spirit and he is brave to challenge us all—one on one--in a unique and selfless way. One physical step at a time across the US.

Hats off to the *unknown*. We all should aim to be as brave. We may not be able to demonstrate it in the same manner, yet however we do it in our part of the world, whether it be geographical or our daily surroundings, is what counts.

Please visit his site, open up, contribute, explore. E mail him with conversation at fellowhuman@mindsmaymeet.org. And please heed his desire to remain anonymous, as well as to not ask what facilitated his journey. Just be. That is all.

On the flip—what if there are some that lurk, unable to engage in the conversation? It could be that the pain inside is so hard to bear, that the mere thought of being the authentic self in the company of others is frightening, paralysing. Or maybe some just have nothing to say…

Either way, the *unknown*’s observation of the human condition, I feel, is spot on. There is an underlying sadness, somewhere, in all of us, and collectively it hums under the surface. We need connectedness with one another, it is inherent to our being, and conversation is the first step to healing and empowerment.

question: how are you brave?

retooling reactions...

the past couple of weeks for me soulfully have been rather deep with introspection, and my body is reacting in a way that I am not familiar with. I am learning a lot about myself. Let me give you some insight as to why I am

…retooling reactions: where I am even more so evaluating and adjusting how I embrace things, based on self talk balanced with loving gratuity

particularly in one special situation.

As you know, I have stopped smoking. Wow, what a trip that has been!! My body has been numb, I have felt dizzy, lips are stinging. At the same time, I also stopped my graduate education by turning in my thesis. While I wrote my thesis, I sat in front of my sunlamp (Florida girl in one of the darkest spots on earth—trouble!!). So all at once my body was thrown into a tailspin of changes. Then I realized, that for the first time in my life, I can actually feel more profoundly my feelings and body’s instinctive reaction to things, that I started getting a wee confused. Maybe over analytical at one point to compensate for feeling “out of control”.

Then it occurred to me, that the smoking (which has a neurological effect and can block pain) was numbing me. I am more aware of everything, both consciously and subconsciously, for my body is reacting. It is weird, and is taking some getting adjusted to. And I am learning to feel, let it go, and try not to control it. Big lesson for me, who is a planner!! Yet it is important that I do so, for I am at a point in my life where trusting the process is reaping beautiful rewards, and I should allow my new founded, smoke free self reap its rewards.

By listening and engaging in self talk as I feel new things, and retooling the way I react—with a “enjoy the ride and let go, will ya!” attitude and approach, I am discovering a part of me that that is excited to grow and learn.

On the flip—what about the others who continue to medicate themselves—why are they afraid of their authentic self? Or is it that they do not realize that they are medicating themselves in the first place? Some may not even realize that the bad habit that they picked up—whether it be smoking, drinking too much, or some other overly indulged behavior that has negative consequences—is masking a pain they are not willing to bear.

So it is possible that with the above flip, we have the “mask” effect that we conversed about earlier where there is a little soul death. I know the very day I started smoking:

04 February 1990, Greensboro NC, at the Amoco gas station on the corner of Friendly Avenue and Green Valley Road. I was gassing up and heading out to Raleigh, about 11:15am, in deep pain. I had just got the call that my grandmother had died, and my world feel apart instantly. In my young, tender adult’s eyes reflecting upon childhood, she was all that I had. And then she was gone… before goodbye’s, last words, you name it.

question: what is your medication?

lana factor...

Continuing from our conversation from yester, I am pulling from amazing Iraqi bloggers and their hope and inspiration they offer.

As a recap, from http://iraqblogcount.blogspot.com/ there are bloggers in and from Iraq that are sharing in our quest to move humanity forward to a thoughtful and loving level. This next blogger has a heart of gold, platinum actually, for it is pure, preserves and transcends all things. She is rock solid. At http://mymanydreams.blogspot.com/ you will encounter the

…lana factor: compassionate, articulate thoughts of a complex yet imploring nature that inspires and challenges us all

making us realize that we have no excuse but to become better people.

Her gratuity is melting—she has only studied English for 3 years, yet at her tender age of 13 years one would never even realize that English is probably her third and youngest language. She provokes you to think beyond your borders, whether they are physical or spiritual, to see things in a worldly perspective and how each facet of humanity needs consideration, thoughtfulness and embracing.

To see such gentility makes my heart leap. This young lady is 13! And she is dedicated to sharing her thoughts and innocence to us all. Speaking of innocence, it is easy for some to dismiss her observations as secondary to that innocence, however it is that very thing we need in this world to regain our emotional quotient as we grow older, for it is a basic pillar that we should not abandon. Once we lose her perspective we shall begin to falter.

On the flip—what if we do not have a lana factor? How do we start to find one, and, what if we are not in a place where we can accept it? Some possibly may not designed to have a lana factor, and therefore could it be so, for we need that antithesis to see the greater good?

Please read and comment on her blog, in the most loving and upholding of ways. I know the country in which she now lives, and it is not easy at times. For her to have such a bright spirit is inspiring, and if I could even aspire to 10% of her energy, I am a better person indeed.

question: what is your lana factor?

five rings...

I have to give props to a Dkos diarist for opening this wonderful window to me, of which I want to share with you all.

One of the amazing things about people who strive to become beautiful, amazing people everyday is that we are all over the world! And the diarist at Dkos (the Angry Rakkasan, “When Iraqis Fall Silent, http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2006/12/12/153122/49) drew attention to the bloggers in Iraq. There are fewer now, only 110 out of 212 are still blogging, yet nevertheless they are getting the message of humanity and its gifts out as often as possible. To see more, go to http://iraqblogcount.blogspot.com/ to see them all.

Tonight I am profiling an amazing endeavour by Kyubai, a compassionate man whose goal is to engage us in practicing all of the 7 virtues. His blog is called Five Rings and coined as the Virtue Experiment, his goal is for us to practice the 7 virtues in our lives daily and report on what differences it makes as well as the process that we are going through as we live them. As I am still searching for his definition of his web site, my interpretation of the

…five rings: is that we each have five rings, or pillars or facets if you will, of humanity that moves us forward each day

to make a difference in our lives, the lives of those who touch us as well as the world we live in.

His blog is http://kyubai-shin-shin.blogspot.com/

a.must.read.

For me, my five *rings*, or pillars, are—gratuity, acceptance, appreciation, affirmation and acknowledgement.

Gratuity—to be thankful and gracious for all things

Acceptance—to embrace all walks of life and experiences as contributing to our growth

Appreciation—to take acceptance to the next level by honouring the elements, whether it is a person or an experience, and how it contributes to our growth

Affirmation—taking appreciation as step further by committing to the very element

Acknowledgement—can be considered the pre step to all of the above, for it is important to openly acknowledge people in particular of their power and grace, and how it touches our lives

We as humans need to be in a tribe to a degree, and that can be many things and mean many things. Yet the most basic things that we need to give to one another is acknowledging our feelings and thoughts, accepting each other for who we are as humans, appreciate what we bring to the table for we are unique and have special gifts to bear, affirm the previous through verbal and action oriented commitment and be gracious for the opportunity for having each other in our lives, exemplified by our actions.

On the flip—what about the inability to formulate such loving pillars? Could it be that we are trapped in our masks and slowly having the *little soul deaths* for we are afraid to be our authentic selves? Or is it possible that some are just not able to achieve this, for it is not in their design?

Either way, it is our responsibility as beautiful creatures to challenge ourselves and those around us to aspire to five pillars of humanity. We all may not succeed, yet (to me) it is our responsibility to try with what we have.

question: what are your five pillars?

stay tuned… I will be featuring another Iraqi blogger tomorrow—an AMAZING 13 year old girl who lives in Denmark whose insight will startle you awake…

candor pays...

By now you are probably wondering as to why in the world I have been pulling inspiration from *orbiting the giant hairball* as of late. There are several reasons. First, after a few months with school, work and what-not, my brain is drained just a bit. And secondly, from a spiritual perspective, I am still in a process of discovery and have succumbed to the *comfortable silence* it is providing me and interestingly, at times I like holding it close a bit, for me only and maybe one other.

Last reason, well, organizational life has always mystified me. I have been a grass roots, underdog kind of girl all my life and organizational life seems to squash those things. Or at least in most instances it does, for it is rather top down and does not embrace the energies of individuals. Emotional quotients are lost the further we climb the corporate ladder. Sad indeed. Yet I embrace the challenge for it is exciting, almost like a game and is certainly never dull.

My master thesis investigated why a gap occurs between the organization’s vision (what the organization professes to be) and the culture (employees). I drew upon organizational hypocrisy theory and substantiated the gaps by looking at management’s actions, the professed organizational philosophies and the employee’s perspective of rewards (hat tip to Tom Philippe and his linking the three as proposed theory). Interesting results! And to top off the findings, change management was the prescribed remedy.

Next leap—organizational hypocrisy needs more attention, yet it is not investigated too deeply for it is highly controversial. One of the modern thought leaders on OH is Tom Philippe, a friend from home. He is pretty cool, rides a Harley, is a funny guy and a champion of the underdog as well. He is the one who loaned me *orbiting the giant hairball* (well, definitely for not as long as he thought… oh, I have had it now for about 6 years), of which I read at least once a year.

There is a passage about masks and little soul deaths that are a result of us striving to be perfect in the face of others—in the quest for the A+ we put a mask on, hiding our pain that we bear in the quest for perfection, only to slowly kill our soul in the process. That A+ can be a promotion, pay increase or more responsibility. It builds upon the consensus reality conversation of yester. And the nail is hit on the head when it the passage is closed with

…candor pays: honesty, openness and frankness in all that we do

has a pay off and therefore is worth the risk. Essentially, being our authentic self is worth it. I would love to transcribe the passage, yet that copyright disclaimer… ugh!

On the flip—we all have taken the risk before at some point, we have opened up and shared our authentic self and have been squashed, so why do it again? After all, the tribe will punish us and that pain alone is tough to bear so why bother?

Bother all your heart’s desire. The pain we feel when the tribe punishes us comes from the place of *I have not been accepted for who I am*. Turn it around graciously—it could be that you have not been understood, or even the people with whom you share your authentic self are not ready to receive it. When we are rejected, it is not our short coming, nor a poor reflection of who we are, it is because others are not ready to receive and engage with our authentic self (and to think of it, they are not ready to share their authentic self), and that is our *red flag* to wait it out and trust the process.

question: how does your candor speak?

consensus reality...

Seems fitting to continue with the northern Europe-slash-giant hairball theme. Let me explain.

One of the most interesting features of Danish society is the art of consensus. It is difficult as an outsider to see where it starts, yet when you are in the thick of it you just know. It is an intricate social custom that occurs in group dynamics when pursuing a decision. And it is rooted in socializing, kind of ends with a decision and waiting for action. Looking for the cultural signal as to when consensus ends is a phenomena unto itself, and I just recommend you wait for others to leave the table before you do. A friend who is now is Boston terms consensus seeking behaviour as *spreading the liability* of the decision making process so that if the action does not happen (which it usually does not, at least not in the performance/solution oriented way of looking at things) or the decision fails or is terrible, there is not one person to blame but the group. No one gets into trouble, which is tough for of course my question is *where is the accountability*? Ah, never mind…

Slam this concept into everyday life and stretch it. When we are going about our day, at times we have an opportunity to step outside of our box and really do something creative or out of the ordinary, only to succumb to our

…consensus reality: where we allow the *tribe* of others in life, those who do not dare, to influence us to maintain the status quo

and not get out of that shipping container. It is our problem! We must own it!

And why? Even though there is a group that is sharing the liability, at the end of the day it is up to us to express our authentic selves and push outside of our boxes to be brilliant and beautiful people. We are liable for our development, regardless of what the tribe does. The tribe may go on, droningly so, yet we lose out if we do not dare.

On the flip—what if the tribe provides that sense of family we long for, even though it drives us from our authentic self? It is rather *lowest common denominator* to say the least, yet does it serve as a protection from harm when we stand out? Or, if we all say to hell with this and step outside our boxes, are we not then creating a new tribe? Then what?

Personally, the LCD concept is what holds most things back, stifling growth and development. Creative genius suffers, beautiful people do not evolve and amazing things cannot come to fruition with the LCD-- that tribal mediated reality in the form of consensus.

There are many out there who are ready and willing to go that extra mile on the inside to make a difference on the outside. Open the door and break from the inactionable consensus reality-- there are more of us out here than we think!

question: what is your tribal reality?

shipping containers...

I may be living in northern Europe, yet in this sense I am not referring to the white star laden, blue behemoths of Mærsk! :)

Continuing from our starting point last night, inspiration is being served by *Orbiting the Giant Hairball*. It surely plugs thoughts into the brain!

There was a time where human made containers did not exist and we operated on instinct, sense of daring and curiosity. Of course our will to survive was a guiding instinct to a degree, yet to live we dared. Until a container came about, more than likely as a part of the evolutionary process, aiding the genius of natural selection—the example in the book was made of how humans at one point discovered that with a container, they can take more water with them, therefore minimizing the danger of being bent over a watering hole drinking, backs turned to what was lurking from behind. And to think a Pandora’s box was born out of the need to survive!

Fast forward to society today—relationships are intricate, life is tricky and the world is all a maze. Many have become

…shipping containers: boxing ourselves in, afraid to share and grow, yet somehow moving along in life

very akin to the very things that are on large sea vessels. We are getting along, somehow. Yet remain the same. Someone or something else packs us, moves us, unloads us—it could be the fast pace of life, our inability to dare to be different or the *not knowing* how to break free from the container in which we are bound.

Containers are all around us. Job descriptions, roles, expectations, office cubicles, routines. They are the very things that allow us to become complacent and afraid to truly live. Think about it. When you were a child, did you ever stop dead in your tracks while pursuing things out of curiosity? There really were no boxes, well, at least for some. And as we grow older, we are more confined and afraid to take a risk… damn those boxes!

On the flip—are containers more suited as a protective device? Are there more things that demand our being level headed as we get older, therefore staying in the routine keeps us there? Or are we just kidding ourselves after all?

Containers certainly can be good at certain times—we do need to set boundaries every now and then to regroup. Yet take a look around and notice—creative genius seems to tank the older we get. Going for the love of your life and doing what it takes to sustain it is not as common. Sharing your authentic self with others is a rarity. To hell with the containers, I say. Jump off that ship, take the dive into the waters, and as we have conversed before, make informed decisions along the way. Life is short, it is waiting for you to live it. And, the process itself is enriching and contributes to becoming a beautiful being.

question: where is your box?

you're secure...

Now that I have the chaos of the master thesis FAR, FAR behind me, I am relieved. I have more time to do what I love most—blog my thoughts. Also, I have time to read things that have nothing to do with school and I am even staying away from medical literature (am a medical junkie, is part of my job and a passion driven hobby). So to refresh myself, each year I read a fabulous book (several times) called *Orbiting the Giant Hairball* by Gordon MacKenzie. It is about how to keep your light, energy and spirit intact while navigating organizational life. Gordon was a Creative Director at Hallmark. A. must. read. for. everyone. I have to give a huge thanks to Tom Philippe, a leading academic in the field of organizational hypocrisy and a good friend and mentor, for lending me this book (and yes, I should have returned it… Tom, I will get you another one!). This book brings me joy every time I read it.

There is an entry that discusses how we aim to be free—free from the constraints of society, of the jail cell that we create around ourselves and of the expectation that others have of us. He refers to a cartoon where Garfield the cat strives to free all of these animals at a pet shop by opening their cages. They do not move. Instead they are frightened. Quickly Garfield reacts by closing the cages, remarking

…you’re secure: by staying in your shell and not challenging the world, yourself and embracing life

only to remain in the same stagnant state as before. Unhappy, yet resolved through fear to remain the same. “cage dwellers” is the term Gordon uses.

What a concept!

I am sure that we have all hit that point. I find myself there a wee bit lately (and I mean only a teeny bit!)—having made some amazing changes, returning to the girl I know best, I am relearning who I am and sometimes get *stuck* in my “secure” cage, yet only to dwell there momentarily.

On the flip—what if we do not have soldiers like Garfield to open our cages? And once our cage is open, is it possible that the world we know is truly healthy and we do not need to leave? After all, why leave when the going is perceivably good?

My thought is—if the world in which we live is healthy, we will leave the cage when the door is open. We may even try to squeeze through the bars just to continue the journey of life, impatient for someone or something to open the door. Curious people are not afraid. Beautiful people are not afraid. And yes, none of us are 100% “healthy”, yet those of us who strive to be so are not afraid.

We may know others who are just as afraid and frozen. Our challenge is to assist them to take that jump, squeeze through the bars, whatever it takes to be free in life. And I am learning that in a relationship it takes both to do so, committing to that level with one another, so that each grows beautifully as individuals and that the relationship as a whole is exciting, fulfilling and a journey all of its own.

question: what is your “security”?

divine essence...

What makes a beautiful relationship? What are the characteristics, ingredients, make up? I am learning this over the years by picking up the nuggets of all the relationships—whether they are plutonic, romantic, professional, or familial. You name it. Taking stock of it all. And I am applying what I have learned in the lessons of

divine essence… where the core of things beautiful are inspirational and eye opening, emanating from a vulnerable center

and investing it in the people that touch my life today and the days, years to come.

One of the things I have picked up this past weekend is how much courage it takes for someone to tell you that you have hurt them—a core fundament of divine essence. Now it is a difficult thing to bear, learn, understand and manage. Yet it taught me that when you are looking into the eyes of someone that you love dearly, when you hear that you have hurt them a relief comes over you—that sigh of relaxation that allows you to embrace the opportunity to take that moment, learn from it and continue to grow together.

On the flip—what if we do not have those strong people in our lives to tell us that we have hurt them? Where would the relationship be headed if those things remain buried? It would seem that an illusionary relationship would persist, and for some it is a necessary evil for they may fear they will be rejected. And what about us? Where does it get us to not be so daringly, essentially divine with those who are in our lives?

I say take the jump. Tell someone when they hurt you and be open when they return the favour. As much as we can be sensitive and feel that we are being attacked, in the end we are not. For the very person who tells you that you have hurt them is doing so for one very reason—they have a vested interest in you, in the relationship and want to see things grow beautifully. Trust me. Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable in the eyes of those who love us is the way to handle things.

question: when and with whom are you essentially divine?

naked truth...

I am back, I swear! I have just finished my thesis, passed my exams and have graduated!! So now I have more time to dedicate to my thoughts and processes.

I was confronted with an interesting situation today. As you know I have a WONDERFUL coffee chat buddy that I spend time with at work. It is a much needed break, our banter is enriching, combined with work chat and life in general. What I like most is that he and I can speak of the

…naked truth: where honesty, openness and vulnerability are safe and welcome and the basis of our relationship

A plutonic one and that may very well be why we can speak to one another on this level. It is the essence of true friendship. Yet there are a few who are confusing our chats and friendship with what I have no clue. It was brought to my attention today.

What is the deal with THAT?! And why cannot the person who made the original comment to my amazing, beautiful boss not have that same honesty, meaning, why not just come to me? Why make assumptions? Remember to assume makes an ass of you and me (get it? Assume—ass u me… ok, I think we have it). Things like this, when out in the open without the opportunity to explore its truthiness, can change the dynamics of everything, including the very friendship that is navigating the political atmosphere of organizational life.

On the flip—what if those who do not partake in naked truth exchanges choose not to for they are jealous of the very friendship they see? What if it is that they are not strong enough to share? Or what is the motivation behind the comment anyway?

It is a dangerous thing for us to assume. Not only can we be off the mark in our observation, our very comments can out a change process into motion that was not intended, and one that can deviate from friendship. It can cause people to change the way they interact with one another, blunting areas of growth, dialogue and mutual exchange. In my book, it is rather defeatist. Yet I will have to give kudos to my everso amazing boss, for he is not afraid of the naked truth and is willing to move things forward. What a cool guy!

As for the coffee chats, they shall continue, yet know that it is known that someone else is misinterpreting the exchanges, it will be interesting to see how the dynamics of the friendship will now take shape.

question: what is your truth?

let go...

Boy is it a tough thing when you are faced with this request… what does one do? It is more than a *tell me how you feel, tell me what are you thinking* kind of request—it has nothing to do with the nonchalant *would you mind passing me the butter*. Not to me. When I am asked this, when someone asks me to

…let go: it is asking me to bare everything of what makes me me, for all to see, whether good, bad, beautiful or ugly in the most vulnerable way

and it frightens me. Especially when I have made such strides, secondary to my own decision making and it seems to not quite be enough, coupled with the fact that I have never *let go*. Ever. And even more so when it seems that the very person who wants you to let go is seemingly not letting go themselves. Or are they, and the issue is that we cannot see/smell/feel
or understand it?

Hence the essence of communication—without it, and let’s be honest now, we are so fucked. And we swore to never play games again. It goes back to yesterday’s chat and how some people are brave enough to ask because they care—it takes that measure, that fortitude, to keep relationships moving—that investment needs to be done every. single. day. period.

Similar to calling each other on our shit—yes, that too (remember that chat?!). And as I am feeling this conversation , I realize that I need to ask the same thing of others who want me at the same level—whether it be how we feel, what degree we have let go—whatever. Guess it is part of the responsibility of being beautiful people—edging each other onwards throughout our development, on the journey to that higher place of self, one that is resolute and amazing when shared with another.

On the flip—what if we are not challenged to let go? Are we then complacent to stay in our comfort zone, never to really grow? Or are we staying there, in our safe place, because we feel that the very one who asks us to let go is perceivably not ascribing to their prescription? Or is it that they truly are letting go, in their own way, yet we have not become appreciative of it?

Whatever it is, the bottom line is we. must. communicate. Talk. Act. Breathe. Assign meaning to the words. Share. Love. And if the person runs for the hills because they do not/care not/cannot reciprocate, then it is what it is. Remember though, that not every knows how, yet the degree of separation is that they are willing. And that is what matters most. Anything can happen from there.

As for me, I am letting go. And I will ask as well for I need to be appreciative… that is the trick for developing, moving forward with a solid foundation—embracing the nakedness of vulnerability with another—no matter who *we* and the *other* are. That challenge I am willing, and actually am, partaking in and it is worth it. Every single step.

question: when are you naked?

sewing kit...

sewing kit…

Once again, I am about a mile high, yet this time I am “pseudo blogging”. I am on my way back to Copenhagen from Zürich, after an amazing weekend of a lifetime.

As for the “pseudo blogging”—well, as you all know, I adore SAS for they have internet access on their flights overseas. Since this time I am travelling domestic, no net on board (sigh). Instead I am writing my entries now and will post them when I arrive.

So I was putting just a wee bit more thought into the last couple of conversations we had, and an interesting opportunity arose this past weekend that allows me to appreciate further the little gifts that we have sprinkled throughout our lives. Let’s just leave it at the fact that I was holding back, in fear of having to find a little

…sewing kit: to mend potential breaks of the heart

that would have potentially arisen had I not shared, or most importantly, had I not been asked as to why I was perceivably sad. Wow.

Usually we are easy to read, yet it takes a brave and loving individual to ask, implore and dig to find us when we are in that moment. Those kinds of people are rare to find and they are beautiful people. They are not afraid to ask, for they are not afraid to help, love, nurture or feel the pain with you. Yet it takes a level of vulnerability on our end to open up, allowing that person to come into our lives. And actually, vulnerability on their end as well, for they risk getting hurt just as we do. What an absolute selfless act.

On the flip—what if we hold back what we are feeling, especially when the person asks, in the spirit of loving kindness? Would that not change the course of things, meaning our inability or choosing not to share… would that not slowly kill our spirit to the point that we change? And knowing that, is it not worth it at the end of the day to take the risk and share?

There was a noticeable change in me for a while, the fire in my eyes dwindled a bit as I was carrying the sadness and it was noticed. I was asked after some time as to why, and I will have to say it was at a safe, fun and comfortable moment (these beautiful people have an excellent sense of timing, too). I took the risk and shared. Worth it indeed.

I have learned to share now, especially when the person in front of you puts you above all else. Let them do it, let them act on it, and give back. Take the risk… another notch in growth and development indeed.

question: what is the color of your thread?

breathless magic...

Building on those little gifts from yesterday and how they are inspirational, I started thinking a bit as to HOW they leave us at times. We can be inspired, uplifted to the point where the

…breathless magic: a resounding energy that awakens our spirit, that *something* which is intangible in concept yet tangible in our how we feel

that takes us up a notch. Boy do I really enjoy that! Almost like having that feeling when the pilot comes by… I guess that are one in the same, with the exception that the pilot is more of a guiding force, whereas the little gifts are just a force that propels us forward— no assist on the freefall!

Know what I mean? I m sure at one point we have all been there, whether it is a person, event or creature that takes us there. It is a beautiful place; your heart feels so big, warm and embracing. Would it be nice to stay that way forever? I am in that spot right now… ah, the warm fuzzies!

On the flip: what if this is pure emotion without the guiding force of logic? Does that lead us into disillusion and then get us in trouble? Or is the sole purpose of this magic is to inspire—and leave it at that. I mean after all, we do tend to over rationalize things, do we not?

question: what, or who, leaves you breathless?

little gifts...

Today is a rather interesting holiday in the US—Thanksgiving Day. It is the day where we give thanks, spending time with family and friends all day, sharing a wonderful meal, watching football (NFL) and then heading for that meal calming walk in the afternoon among mother nature’s bustling winds with the remnants of her fireworks, blissfully blowing on the streets at times like little wind devils.

And that got me thinking about what I am thankful for. Or to whom am I thankful? Regardless, we all have a

…little gifts: reflecting love, inspiration and hope

somewhere in our lives, to which we are thankful. It can be anyone or anything, and it has a profound effect on our lives.

Mine? Still a little secret, yet I am so thankful each night as I lay to sleep, and even more so this evening, for tomorrow brings me that special day. After all, little gifts that we keep to ourselves make them all the sweeter and more powerful in moving our spirits to the next level.

On the flip—what if there seems to be no *little gift*? At times we feel overcome with adversity to the point that we cannot even see straight, yet why not look at those things that seem negative as a gift? Were it not for that “unfortunate” force of energy, we would have made another choice that would not allow us to continue on the path that we journey upon.

Either way, whether it is rooted in laughter and love or a spawn of negative energy, some things, the smaller ones, are rather significant.in the impact they have on our lives. And to which, we are thankful.

question: what, or who, is you little gift?

next level...

Yes, I know, have not been around in a few days… let’s just say that time passed faster than expected and the plate is overflowing!

Master thesis… uh, well it is due Monday at noon, and I have such the way to go—the best way to look at it is that I am most thankful I have about 72 hours left to wrap it up. So I have been busy with that, work, salsa lessons minus the ones offered last night, for I took some time away from salsa to instead have my personal development taken to the

…next level: with an open mind and commitment to evolve with the helping hand of another,

continuing the journey of a better being in every way, shape and form.

Wanna know what *it* is that I did? What I have committed myself to as I continue my journey?

Kudos to two individuals, well, three actually who got me to this point to take THE leap last night.

- me, for being brave and plum crazy enough to do it while life has been exhilarating yet more than its share of chaotic
- martin, for guiding me and protecting me as I dove, and
- the beautiful one who inspires me so

I… drum roll….

(Dad, I know you are reading this and yes I understand!) 

I have become a non smoker, making the decision to continue my personal journey smoke free, through the assistance of hypnotherapy.

Wow is all I can say… it does not stop the cravings for nicotine, yet it lifts from your subconscious what ever feelings/anxieties that were tied to the need to smoke. I have not craved to engage in the physical act of smoking at all so far, only my body is aching a bit. And my mantra, when she aches, is *my body craves healing, it does not crave nicotine*. Basically, it opens you to the freedom to choose without the restraint of some hidden emotional need to force you to make the same decision again and again. So as I crave nicotine, I choose not to act and start smoking. Smelling smoke, seeing others smoke does not affect me. And I smoked like a banshee when writing and I have been just fine (always smoked outside, never in the home nor in the car)… even when minus 40 degrees!

(I can feel my Dad’s eyes rolling… smile Dad!)

On the flip—what about that will power? Is it weak to ask for help, even if it can be perceived as unconventional, to get us to the next level? Is going towards a challenge alone making us all the better?

Personally, whatever resources and energies of people we use to get to the next level makes it all the sweeter—as long it is of healthy intentions grounded in the love of others and humanity. We are all in this world together, are we not? And that stigma of shame that is attached to asking for help needs to be removed, and it starts when we ask one another to help us achieve greater things together.

question: who, or what, can get your *it* to the next level?

this is...

I have FINALLY gotten the hang (I think) of uploading images onto my blog.

So I guess we shall see how this test run will work, for I would like to post my pic onto my profile, and with that

...this is: me, untouched, black and white

leaving to the imagination the colors that make up who I am.

I have always found B&W photos to be the most astonishingly beautiful ways to capture the essence of life-- whether it be people, nature or architecture-- and its mystery for us to interpret individually.


On the flip-- could it be that we are drawn to B&W, for it is reflective of a simplicity that is inherently not attainable, in the sense that the grey zones are omitted? After all, when looking at life and its eccentricities, it is full of grey areas and nothing ever seems as cut and dry and B&W.

Speaking of cut and dry, later I will post a few pics from the 72 hour push I participated in CT with the Ned Lamont campaign, along with insights. It was an amazing experience, there were so many brilliant people participating from the ground up this past weekend, that I am still absorbing everything that transpired. And , of course, to *pen* these thoughts will take some energy, for overall it was an overwhelming experience.

question: what is your B&W?

the update...

Yes, I have been out of pocket as of late!

As you know from the beginning of our conversations, I made the “executive decision” to volunteer my time in the worthy fight to change the course of American politics. It is about 9:30pm now as I sit in my hotel room in Meriden, Connecticut. I am exhausted, we out of staters have been going like mad getting all of the bases covered in our ground game to get out the vote. So this evening is time for

…the update: on changing the face of the world we know

when we put our energies forward in getting the world back into balance.

I got in to CT early yesterday morning, I am working out of the Ned Lamont HQ in Meriden, and it is the home base for all out of staters that are here to help in the campaign. I have met most of the FDL gang (they are MORE than amazing!!!—Deb, Lisa, Susan and John), spoken to CT Bob (who I will meet tomorrow night, yea!), and was even able to snag some chat time and a photo with the infamous Tom Swann, the campaign manager. Wow…

So we have been up before 5am each morning, hitting the ground and getting our game on. Yesterday consisted of canvassing neighborhoods, then returning to HQ to get boxes ready for the big day on Tuesday. Today was on the road by 6am to hit major intersections with signage to increase visibility. Oh, and a detour to the local urgent care clinic… long story. And my alarm is set for 4:45am now, for I have to poll watch at 6am. Polls close at 8pm tomorrow, and we are getting very excited!!!

The face here that needs to be changed is the course of US politics. The starting point is by getting progressive Democrats into office, and with Dean’s 50 state strategy we are well on our way.

On the flip: what if the face does not change… I do not even want to go there. It is back to the wish again, my eyes are closed, I am approaching the candles, yet everyone here is doing the same and shares the same wish and we all know it. I hope that when I hit this page tomorrow, I can proudly say that the Senator for CT is Ned Lamont.

question: in your pursuit of making a difference, what is your *what if*?

(yes, long day… going to bed….)

create space...

I have to thank Aadie for sending an amazing entry, from a book in which she is reading, that made me rethink the silence of normalcy.

Quite a few entries ago we had a conversation on “blissful entropy” and how the inspirational chaos drives you to give all you have. We then chatted on how the *silence of normalcy* was the back to the routine kind of bit, a necessary yin to the chaotic yang. Yet what should we do with that silent normalcy, in addition to appreciating it, embracing it? The silent normalcy is our signal that it is time to

…create space: the needed silence to reflect

upon where we are, embrace those around us and in doing so is a step to becoming a beautiful being.
Maybe it was implied in our chat that we do the aforementioned, however what addie sent really hit it on the head in such a way that it made me think more deeply about what can be done during the silence.

addie sends this out to a few of us yesterday:

i read this in a book called Silence.
please take a brief moment to read this:

"In our rush to accomplish, we rarely create the spaces to listen, to
explore the gaps between events

And we find ourselves overwhelmed.

Times of silence reveal to us the equations that is made in our mind
between worth and activity.

When are not producing doing and acting, we feel deprived of any
evidence that we are a worthwhile human being.

Productivity, activity ,and busyness becomes the central vocation in
our life consuming our time and attention. Culturally, we have come to
measure value and worth by the evidence of what we do and accomplish.

[We often ask, "What do you do?"] How rarely do we ask, who are you?
If we cannot define ourselves apart from our credentials it is
difficult to understand another person in a deeper way."
--------------------------

On the flip—what if who we are is not so much defined by what we do, yet is rather the nature of who we are, meaning, what if we are drawn to stay *productive* for we like to give? Or is it that we may give so much that it may be a way to stay productive, so that we do not have to reflect as to why we want to give, what is driving that need?
I have been on that flip, I have answered the above questions over the last few months, and I continue to inquire within as to choices that I am making. And I will have to say, I have been more *silent* these past few months, been more reflective, and to be honest I am finding answers and reaching a degree of understanding myself that I have never done before. And I am so thankful, for now I realized why I wanted to give, and in embracing it I have changed to become a better being, still on the path, striving each day to be a beautiful being.


question: what do you hear during your space?

(thanks addie for sending this! you are an amazingly beautiful person.)

ps-- just finished flying over Greenland…heading to CT as we speak! Nothing like mile high blogging!

my twist...

Boy am I doing better than last night!

I got up this morning to the deadlines, lack of time and myriad of tasks that for the morning I was pretty taxed in angst. Then I went to the loo, looked into the mirror, and reminded myself that what I am going trough is normal, it is *ok* at times to feel as if you are drowning in perceived inadequacies. By lunch time I was well on my way back, having woofed my meal in 15 minutes and headed back to the beckoning computer screen to march on. Isn’t it amazing the power of accomplishment?

So heading home I realized that it is Halloween, yikes! It is not celebrated here, so to a degree it slipped my mind. Then I began giddy, and realized that it is time to throw

…my twist: an unsuspected behaviour or reaction

into the blog tonight. Ready?

It is JOKE TIME!

In the spirit of Halloween, I will start with one… and you guys can fill the gaps.

On the flip—(could not have exited without one!). Isn’t it interesting that in the times that we deal with stress, unhappiness or even morbid moments, we can lean on laughter to get us through—a reactionary behaviour that is unsuspected for the occasion? That is my twist when I am uncomfortable—I tend to disarm with humor. Reminds me of when I was at my grandmother’s funeral, it was so difficult that I was laughing out loud, joking with a few friends of the family during the services. My Dad was furious, to say the least…

So… (here we go)

How come the witch was not able to get pregnant by the ghost?

… he has a hollow weenie!!!

(get it?)

question: what is your twist?

me aguado...

Ok, I admit it, I have hit my reaching point!

Things have not gone as swimmingly as I had expected—thesis is struggling, in the sense that I am running out of time, work has me drowning and everything outside of that is, for the most part, going to the degree of normalcy.

The silence of normalcy over the past couple of weeks has been a welcomed phenomena—I can concentrate to a degree, things are not as demanding—yet as I sit here tonight the silence is deafening. Where are you…

And then I made up my mind. I am TOTALLY

…me aguado: de esto, y creo que no puedo a respirar más para esto minuto

because I feel like I am drowning. Dig me?

The above translates to *I am fed up with this, and I believe that I cannot breathe much more at this moment*

Been there?

I am wondering why in the world I am even at this point, other than I brought it on myself by not managing my time correctly, or even allowing myself to be there for others and other things when I should have said *no*.

Regardless I am here, and it is a bit frightening. I hate it when this happens!

On the flip—- is this another red flag? Possibly. We all need something at sometime to self regulate. Sometimes we want to give, so much, for it is in our being to do so, yet we are human and can only give so much. Or maybe it is our desire to be needed that drives us to this point.

Either way, I, like you, shall recover. Somehow. Sometime. Somewhere.

question: what is your aguado?

(aguado—the thing that makes you fed up to the point that you are willing to change course)

hang on...

So tonight, as I do one to two times a week depending on the schedule, I was rescuing diaries at www.dailykos.com. I consider it part of my duty in rolling change forward as we fervently, in the grass roots society, are putting our everything into getting progressive Democrats elected in the mid terms.

Most of the diaries are about what is going on now, almost to the point of ranting and raving. I agree with the excitement, and support the energy, yet sometimes we need a well needed break from it all to digest, reformulate, regain our ground and move the energy forward.

I stumbled upon an excellent diary, and then it indicted to me that music is my inspiration of late. Of course I recommended this particular well needed break, for the words of a song from the band Pink Martini were posted, from their latest album

…hang on: little tomato

And of course I rushed to their web site at www.pinkmartini.com to learn more.

Apparently they are based out of Portland, Oregon. And their music is described as a fusion of classical and Afro-Cuban. Muy cool. The latest album has songs in 6, count it, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 languages-- French, Italian, Japanese, Croatian, Spanish and English. You can even DL snippets to hear the flow.

So of course I snapped up a few of their 2 CD’s and sent them to my Dad since I will be in the US this coming weekend…. Lamont time!

Looking at the album cover for the latest CD, it is rather a feeling of awe that comes over you when you see the title. It emanates a sense of hope, for us all, in the sense that good things come to those who wait—whoever it may be. And the song itself *Hang on Little Tomato* alone can make you shiver. The words--

The sun has left and forgotten me
It's dark, I cannot see
Why does this rain pour down
I'm gonna drown
In a sea
Of deep confusion

Somebody told me, I don't know who
Whenever you are sad and blue
And you're feelin' all alone and left behind
Just take a look inside and you will find

You gotta hold on, hold on through the night
Hang on, things will be all right
Even when it's dark
And not a bit of sparkling
Sing-song sunshine from above
Spreading rays of sunny love

Just hang on, hang on to the vine
Stay on, soon you'll be divine
If you start to cry, look up to the sky
Something's coming up ahead
To turn your tears to dew instead

And so I hold on to his advice
When change is hard and not so nice
You listen to your heart the whole night through
Your sunny someday will come one day soon to you

h/t to RubDMC at dKos for posting this! http://rubdmc.dailykos.com/

Our little tomato can be anyone or anything that we wish to see come to fruition. It can be someone that we need to hold on, just a second longer, or even ourselves in order to see the day through. It is a testament to trusting the process.

On the flip—what if we cannot find our *little tomato* to see us through? What happens if we are so overwhelmed, we cannot see that hope of the *sunny someday* and instead will ourselves upon the process? The power of changes can make life so cloudy with chaos that we tend to over look the tomatoes waiting to ripen.

question—who, or what, is your little tomato?

give in...

I have been spinning a wonderful CD that *my boyfriend* selected as a gift from my department for my birthday in August. I actually unwrapped it for the first time about two weeks ago. Good thing! Had I done so in August, I would not have been able to fully appreciate it, for at that time spiritually I would not have been ready to have appreciated it, hence the possibility of squandering a source of inspiration.

The CD is *In the Red* by Tina Dickow. It is beautiful, amazing, her voice results in a fragile gentleness that comes from passion. So much so that I am going to drive to Berlin in November to see her in concert, the very day that I go to orally defend my thesis. It will be a wonderful way to start celebrating my graduation, or rather emancipation, from two years of hard work.

There is a song that makes me soar inside, and coupled with the brat-mobile with the windows down, barrelling (if one could do so with a 1.3 liter engine) down the motorway at 130 km per hour, I am in my own private concert, singing to

…give in: to your confusion,

leave it behind, then change your mind, take what you find, it will be good enough.

Take the jump is what I perceive is the soul of this song. We tend to be confused, *its always a guess which way is best*, only to be so overwhelmed with what to do that we end up not doing anything—whatever that *anything* may be. It could be going for the love of your life, taking a promotion. That confusion can make us immobile, and the *anything* will not come to fruition.

We have conversed on what can hold us back, why we do not take the jump and make informed decisions along the way. This song does put many things into perspective, and I encourage you to either get the CD (it is wonderful in its entirety) or go to her web site to listen to *Give In*:
www.tinadico.com

On the flip—what if the confusion is a sign that *when in doubt, go without*? What if we are not to act at this point, and the *confusion* is that red flag that tells us to take pause?

Or, should we stop rationalizing our choices, take a decision, and go for it? The confusion could very well be the signal that it is time to grow…

Definitely can be a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. Either way, as long as our decision comes from a good place in our hearts and minds, that our intentions are healthy and our goal is to create harmony, goodness and understanding, we usually end up making the ideal choice.

question: what is your confusion?

ask for...

Mondays are rather wicked, are they not? Last week was pretty much a holiday here in Denmark, so mostly everyone at the office was out for the week. And there is nothing more surreal than watching in upwards of 50% of your coworkers trying to navigate their day, dazed and laced with caffeine, getting back to the grind after nearly ten days of play.

I was indeed a bit rejoiceful, for Peder was back—the ultimate source of fabulous conversation coupled with well needed cup o’ joe intermissions—to sprinkle my day.

In the midst of our afternoon chat, Peder brings up a concept in which I adore rattling off the saying. Sometimes when we are caught in a bind, and a decision needs to be made, we can choose to

…ask for: forgiveness instead of permission

and take the jump. No matter what it may be, chasing our heart’s desire, taking an action that ordinarily would not be deemed appropriate at the given time. Sometimes we consciously choose to act, in spite of the consequences, deciding to pay later.

On the flip—is this, in essence, another trade off? Is it the *right* thing to do—knowingly violate the code to accomplish something? Or can it be a way to start the ball rolling towards needed change—where the outcome is beneficial for all, yet the means is somewhat unorthodox in nature?

We have all been confronted with this, and have chosen to forgo the permission route. Would this then be considered violating our values? Unless, of course, taking this route is a part of our value system… then we would not be violating anything. Whatever it may be, I tend to think that we possibly use this to rationalize our choices as we make our trade offs. The important thing, then, would be to bear in mind that should we choose to take this route, we are not harming anyone and are doing it to make create better beings… or is it an *unforgivable* notion to begin with?

question: what is your forgiveness?

your shit...

Now that ought to be an eye catcher!

I was not sure what to write this evening, for I have been very involved with my thesis (which is coming together swimmingly!) and was at my girlfriend's place for a bit going over our writing. She is a very cool gal, and if it was not for her I would not have made some of the strides that I have had over the past year. She has dragged me out, made me participate more in life in general, and she is an overall funny, bright, beautiful person. She has made me start taking care of myself in different ways-- being girlie, taking salsa lessons, even treating ourselves once a month to the champagne breakfast at the Hotel D'Engleterre downtown.

What she is exceptionally good at is something I think we are all afraid to do. She is an ace at the proverbial calling you on

...your shit: making you face the music a bit and assisting you past the illusions at bay and taking a more reflexive, critical look at yourself, actions, words and meanings assigned to them, with the ultimate goal of holding you accountable.

Brave girl!

I will have to give props to my closest friend in St. Petersburg, Florida for coining that quintessential phrase... I can just her her now *Ok, I am gonna have to cal you on your shit...* with her contagious smile ready to disarm you. In fact, it is the same girl who was rather well versed with monkey postulates. She is certainly a gift to this world, I do not think I have yet to meet anyone with as big of a heart as she has.

On the flip-- what if we do not have these brave people in our lives? The overall effect of the absence of these fantastic people is a case in point with the US-- take a look at what has happened as people have become silent in their dissent, quiet with their educated arguments. Critical, reflexive thinking, voices and discourse are absent to the point that everyone is living in fear, and are to a degree buying the well spun illusions that Bush and his felons dish. A sad state indeed.

There is one person, Keith Olbermann, who bravely on 11 September 2006 did exactly what my girlfriend did, yet took it to a higher level-- he called Bush on his shit. He is more than just beautiful and amazing... his is briliant!

So with that, as we are TWO WEEKS in the stretch for the midterm elections, below I am posting the transcript of Keith's poignant 8 minutes and 45 seconds. A long read, yet well worth it.

question: what is your shit?


Keith Olbermann, Special Commentary, 9/11

link to video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mH7zaxAGMWk

transcript:

"...And lastly tonight a Special Comment on why we are here. Half a lifetime ago, I worked in this now-empty space.
And for 40 days after the attacks, I worked here again, trying to make sense of what happened, and was yet to happen, as a reporter.
And all the time, I knew that the very air I breathed contained the remains of thousands of people, including four of my friends, two in the planes and — as I discovered from those "missing posters" seared still into my soul — two more in the Towers.
And I knew too, that this was the pyre for hundreds of New York policemen and firemen, of whom my family can claim half a dozen or more, as our ancestors.
I belabor this to emphasize that, for me… this was, and is, and always shall be, personal.
And anyone who claims that I and others like me are "soft", or have "forgotten" the lessons of what happened here — is at best a grasping, opportunistic, dilettante — and at worst, an idiot — whether he is a commentator, or a Vice President, or a President.
However. Of all the things those of us who were here five years ago could have forecast — of all the nightmares that unfolded before our eyes, and the others that unfolded only in our minds… none of us could have predicted… this.
Five years later this space… is still empty.
Five years later there is no Memorial to the dead.
Five years later there is no building rising to show with proud defiance that we would not have our America wrung from us, by cowards and criminals.
Five years later this country’s wound is still open.
Five years… later this country’s mass grave is still unmarked.
Five years later… this is still… just a background for a photo-op.
It is beyond shameful.
—
At the dedication of the Gettysburg Memorial — barely four months after the last soldier staggered from another Pennsylvania field, Mr. Lincoln said "we can not dedicate - we can not consecrate — we can not hallow — this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract."
Lincoln used those words to immortalize their sacrifice.
Today our leaders could use those same words to rationalize their reprehensible inaction. "We cannot dedicate — we cannot consecrate — we can not hallow — this ground." So we won’t.
Instead they bicker and buck-pass. They thwart private efforts, and jostle to claim credit for initiatives that go nowhere. They spend the money on irrelevant wars, and elaborate self-congratulations, and buying off columnists to write how good a job they’re doing — instead of doing any job at all.
Five years later, Mr. Bush… we are still fighting the terrorists on these streets. And look carefully, sir — on these 16 empty acres, the terrorists… are clearly, still winning.
And, in a crime against every victim here and every patriotic sentiment you mouthed but did not enact, you have done nothing about it.
—
And there is something worse still than this vast gaping hole in this city, and in the fabric of our nation.
There is, its symbolism — of the promise unfulfilled, the urgent oath, reduced to lazy execution.
The only positive on 9/11 and the days and weeks that so slowly and painfully followed it… was the unanimous humanity, here, and throughout the country. The government, the President in particular, was given every possible measure of support.
Those who did not belong to his party — tabled that.
Those who doubted the mechanics of his election — ignored that.
Those who wondered of his qualifications — forgot that.
History teaches us that nearly unanimous support of a government cannot be taken away from that government, by its critics.
It can only be squandered by those who use it not to heal a nation’s wounds, but to take political advantage.
Terrorists did not come and steal our newly-regained sense of being American first, and political, fiftieth. Nor did the Democrats. Nor did the media. Nor did the people.
The President — and those around him — did that.
They promised bi-partisanship, and then showed that to them, "bi-partisanship" meant that their party would rule and the rest would have to follow, or be branded, with ever-escalating hysteria, as morally or intellectually confused; as appeasers; as those who, in the Vice President’s words yesterday, "validate the strategy of the terrorists."
They promised protection, and then showed that to them "protection" meant going to war against a despot whose hand they had once shaken… a despot who we now learn from our own Senate Intelligence Committee, hated Al-Qaeda as much as we did.
The polite phrase for how so many of us were duped into supporting a war, on the false premise that it had ’something to do’ with 9/11, is "lying by implication."
The impolite phrase, is "impeachable offense."
Not once in now five years has this President ever offered to assume responsibility for the failures that led to this empty space… and to this, the current, curdled, version of our beloved country.
Still, there is a last snapping flame from a final candle of respect and fairness: even his most virulent critics have never suggested he alone bears the full brunt of the blame for 9/11.
Half the time, in fact, this President has been so gently treated, that he has seemed not even to be the man most responsible — for anything — in his own administration.
Yet what is happening this very night?
A mini-series, created, influenced — possibly financed by — the most radical and cold of domestic political Machiavellis, continues to be televised into our homes.
The documented truths of the last fifteen years are replaced by bald-faced lies; the talking points of the current regime parroted; the whole sorry story blurred, by spin, to make the party out of office seem vacillating and impotent, and the party in office, seem like the only option.
How dare you, Mr. President, after taking cynical advantage of the unanimity and love, and transmuting it into fraudulent war and needless death… after monstrously transforming it into fear and suspicion and turning that fear into the campaign slogan of three elections… how dare you or those around you… ever "spin" 9/11.
—
Just as the terrorists have succeeded — are still succeeding — as long as there is no memorial and no construction here at Ground Zero…
So too have they succeeded, and are still succeeding — as long as this government uses 9/11 as a wedge to pit Americans against Americans.
This is an odd point to cite a television program, especially one from March of 1960. But as Disney’s continuing sell-out of the truth (and this country) suggests, even television programs can be powerful things.
And long ago, a series called "The Twilight Zone" broadcast a riveting episode entitled "The Monsters Are Due On Maple Street."
In brief: a meteor sparks rumors of an invasion by extra-terrestrials disguised as humans. The electricity goes out. A neighbor pleads for calm.
Suddenly his car — and only his car — starts. Someone suggests he must be the alien. Then another man’s lights go on.
As charges and suspicion and panic overtake the street, guns are inevitably produced.
An "alien" is shot — but he turns out to be just another neighbor, returning from going for help.
The camera pulls back to a near-by hill, where two extra-terrestrials are seen, manipulating a small device that can jam electricity. The veteran tells his novice that there’s no need to actually attack, that you just turn off a few of the human machines and then, "they pick the most dangerous enemy they can find, and it’s themselves."
And then, in perhaps his finest piece of writing, Rod Serling sums it up with words of remarkable prescience, given where we find ourselves tonight.
"The tools of conquest do not necessarily come with bombs and explosions and fallout. There are weapons that are simply thoughts, attitudes, prejudices - to be found only in the minds of men.
"For the record, prejudices can kill and suspicion can destroy, and a thoughtless, frightened search for a scapegoat has a fallout all its own — for the children, and the children yet unborn."
—
When those who dissent are told time and time again — as we will be, if not tonight by the President, then tomorrow by his portable public chorus — that he is preserving our freedom, but that if we use any of it, we are somehow un-American…
When we are scolded, that if we merely question, we have "forgotten the lessons of 9/11"… look into this empty space behind me and the bi-partisanship upon which this administration also did not build, and tell me:
Who has left this hole in the ground?
We have not forgotten, Mr. President.
You have.
May this country forgive you."

things happen...

I remember when purchasing that business in Florida, the one I spoke about last month where my wonderful CPA challenged me with the notion that if you want something so much that you are willing to walk away, you are in the right place to make a decision. The purchase process was becoming rather cumbersome, there were quite a few parties involved and the interests varied, so needless to say some of us were having our patience tested. The transaction was bearing too much!

So I was on the phone with one of the sellers, and she too was tired of the process and wanted to see resolution. She, with greatest conviction, knew that it would pull through, for she said that I was the very type of person that makes

…things happen: having the innate ability to bring everyone together on the same page to see whatever it is that we are involved with come through.

I am gracious for her observation, for yes, it is true that I am an extremely dedicated individual and will place all of my strength into what I choose and will see it through. It is the very reason why I am a successful grassroots person—I can motivate just about everyone under the sun at the ground level, with impact at levels above, to make a difference. I have to smile, for that is one of the facets of becoming a courageous leader and a beautiful person-- coupled with a sense of fairness, balance, justice, compassion and the resolve to nurture others into becoming amazing beings. And of course those essences of being a leader need to be developed each day with presenting yourself with new opportunities and challenges. Ok, I digressed…

The transaction did pull through. Unfortunately a year later, I uncovered a few things that were not noticeable with the thorough analysis when at the table, so it ended up that I had to spin it off. No big deal, everything worked out in the end, albeit the process of closing things down at times was more than I could bear. I guess I made that part, the closure, happen too.

And then I started thinking about this concept today—the times that I have made things happen—and I came to my own flip.

On the flip—what if the true key to making things happen is that it should due to our inspirational energy that we bestow upon others, and NOT because of our *willing* things to happen?

I have done that too, made things happen, for the sake of moving things forward, by not holding back when I should have. And when I reflect on those times when I did, in the end it never really truly worked out in the long run. We may get fooled by our emotional high and the need for resolution that we push the process forward without just trusting it to happen, only in the end be left a few steps behind from where we started.

Needless to say, along with the development that I am undergoing these past few months, I am striving to not repeat it. I hold back a bit, not in an unhealthy way, yet in the way where I am balancing my passionate drive with thoughts. I can feel that I am on the right path, for the ventures that I am in right now are evolving they way they should, naturally, and the pay off will be sweeter than ever.

question: what are your things?

monkey postulate...

Have you ever met someone who has the wickedest mind? Not wicked in a bad way, yet a creative one that seems to surpass most that we know. I like these kinds of people! And at times I too can get in the mood where that *wickedness* results in a

…monkey postulate: a question or an assumption, born out of humor and/or creativity combined with eccentricity, is posed to everyone and anyone who will listen, resulting in laughter and creative conversation as the responses roll in.

I have an amazing friend back home in St. Petersburg, Florida that is the princess of the monkey postulate. She comes up with some of the funniest, thought provoking questions that would make you laugh to the point it hurts. Sometimes they are just plain absurd, for the timing relative to the situation at hand is, well, let’s just say you would not expect it. Then you start thinking, putting things into a different perspective, and say to yourself *well, I have never thought of ______ that way before*, and proceed to answer. For example, you could be sitting down doing strategic planning, everything is too serious, and she would quip: “ok, which do you prefer… picking your nose on a subway, or farting in solitude and why…”

What in the world does that have to do with market share and pull through initiatives???

I have thrown one to an amazing person recently, and I did like the answer as well (my little secret)…

If you were a color in motion, what color would it be and what would you be doing?

Ok, I agree. Interesting, yes. Creative, I will give it that much. Stitch producing laughter, um, no.

A great one that stands out is from back home. It was born out of a Sunday brunch, which was held at my house on many occasions. A huge group of us would get together around 11am or so, start with the mimosas (my *Mom* always said the OJ was such a waste, we had good intentions of mixing it with half champagne, yet towards 2pm the OJ was never to be seen again as we sipped our “poser” mimosas). We had a waffle bar—all the toppings you could imagine, with fresh Belgian waffles laced with amaretto, cooking on the granite island. Then we had another friend making omelettes, with many freshly chopped veggies and the like to put in. And of course, what brunch would be complete without the Bloody Mary bar? At least 15 different things to choose to make the ideal, only acceptable hard liquor drink to be consumed before 5pm on a Sunday—broth, onions, capers, 4 different vodkas, hot sauce, olives, celery, spices, you name it—in the back corner of the kitchen by the double French doors.

As the mimosas quickly turned into glasses of champagne, the Bloody Mary bar starting to go into disarray and the *family* of about 10 are laughing at the table with NFL Football in the background, silence fell at the opportune time. Then a monkey postulate was thrown out of nowhere, when a guy asks my *mom*…

“If I were a vegetable, how would you eat me?”

Her response?

“I would peel you first.”

You can fill in the blanks from there…

I am still working on mine, I think I need a little help from all of you… so with that in mind, what can we come up with? Let’s share some laughter!

On the the flip—none. Today is a punchy kind of day. I have been up since 5am writing, er slaving away, on my thesis and I need a brain break. If there is a flip of any kind, it would be that sometimes we produce these thoughts when it is perceived as not the right time, yet some of us handle stress/bad situations/grief in our own way, hence snapping the emotions into play can be preceeded by humor.

question: what is your monkey?

we value...

I have to admit, I got this notion while watching *7th Heaven* the other night. I have really enjoyed that show, and do miss the new episodes, for living in Europe means that we see older shows. I am gracious that we are even able to do so!

The episode was about world hunger, specifically how there are people in the US (uh, conceived as a wealthy country, yet the separation between the have’s and have not’s keeps widening the longer the Republicans are in power—VOTE NED!) who go without food regularly. It could be your next door neighbour, even.

The moral of that particular episode was that we tend to assign values to the wrong thing. In this case it was shame, and how it is wrongly assigned to those who ask for help, as opposed to assigning it to those of us who even allow it to happen in the first place.

The notion of changing what

…we value: in the regards that the meaning of value—what is truly important at the end of the day-- needs to be assigned to the correct, needful action

hit me so deeply.

Eric Camden is right. Why is there more shame assigned to asking for help? Since when is it a wrong thing to do so? Are we not better off when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, admitting that we are human, in asking for the help of others?

On the flip—it could very well be that we do KNOW what the correct value is, yet are afraid to act upon it in our daily lives. As we look at what others do, at times we may feel that we need to fall in line, per se. Or we are simply oblivious, whether by nature or by choice.

Either way, it is our responsibility to do what is right at all times—for as per an earlier conversation—it is never the wrong time to do the right thing. That requires us to be more than just beautiful people. It requires us to be exceptional people. To stand up against what the others may think is acceptable, to fight against the injustice we see no matter what others may choose to do or not to do. It is our utmost responsibility.

question: what is your shame?

without risk...

Taking the jump, whether it is going towards the love of your life, choosing to take the path of beautiful people, or even as simple as changing your career can be a very scary thing. Looking at the risk, taking into account the benefits and potential consequences can prove very tasking indeed. We carefully analyze sometimes, or even follow our hearts, looking for the benefits to outweigh the risk. Yet in the end, it should be kept in mind that with all things we choose to do, that

…without risk: there will be no rewards.

Should we not choose to go for it, dare to swim, the rewards on the other side will never be known. The joy, love, inspiration that could lie in wait will remain a mystery. And should we choose to make this *wish* with our eyes closed and keep it to ourselves, we will be the keeper of our secret desire. And should we jump and bask in the rewards, even more the better.

On the flip—what is we miscalculate what the rewards are? In taking the jump, risking everything to see the benefits of the reward, it is possible that there are none. Complete rejection, loss of realization could be on the other side. *Trust the process* for it could very well be that we are not to see the rewards for quite sometime. There may very well be a development opportunity that is overlooked with our eagerness, and not getting our reward immediately serves that very purpose.

The inability to reap the reward on the first time around can also serve as a check and balance. Should we choose to pursue with risk, we at times may do so without pure selflessness, hence the delayed reward. And then again, anything deserving is worth every ounce of work put into it, including our growth as individuals. To become an amazing being it takes drive, commitment, the willingness to delay the reward when necessary, only to evolve into a beautiful person who makes this world a better place.

question: what is your reward?

beautiful people...

Taking a path less travelled is exactly what these types of people do. It is hard, takes a bit of self discovery, and even more important a large degree of strength to maintain the positive outlook—some of the many qualities of

…beautiful people: those who choose to look through a positive lens each day, make the best of everything and are willing to embrace even those who are not on the same path of enlightened development, graciously with patience.

We have all met those beautiful people, some of us are in our own right, while some have the aspiration to do so. It takes a lot of self introspection, the willingness to face our deep fears, coupled with the energy to transcend all situations. Not many are able to do it. Some are on the path and get side tracked. Some simply never walk.

On the flip—what about those who are in our lives, who remember the *struggling* soul, only to see that we are free and thus have changed? Our goal is to inspire all to be better, amazing beings, yet what if those who are close to us are not ready to take that adventure with us, not able to nurture us and hence the relationship may suffer? How do we manage the change in dynamics? Or is the *walk away* conversation we had earlier an applicable option?

I know that I am a beautiful person, albeit I did get lost for a little while after moving abroad. Yet I found her again, and am striving everyday to cultivate her. I think what is helpful is to not only to choose this path, yet also to create a supportive network to reinforce the new infrastructure. Whether it be creating a personal development plan, surrounding ourselves with others like us or another means to our new end—the imperative is that we have the checks and balances to keep us on our thrilling path—to make a positive difference in the lives we touch upon each and every day.

There is another beautiful person who has joined the ranks, and I am overwhelmed with compassion and excitement. It can be a painful process, so eye and soul opening… my utmost respect to the latest member who has embarked upon the journey. You have chosen well, you have always had the foundation in place to engage in this development, and are simply, amazingly courageous.

question: what makes you beautiful?

quiet wishes...

There is not anything here that is specific in nature, other than my thoughts, feelings and aspirations.

Today is a bit of an exception. Albeit I do not write with a specific intention—whether it be to solve a specific problem, reach out to a specific person—today is just a wee bit of an exception. And do not ask, please, other than to trust my

…quiet wishes: of the resolute need to reach out to the perceived intangible

even though it is in reach. We know that there is something there, can feel it, know that it is of a permanency in nature and concrete in form. It has yet to arrive.

It is somewhat like the candles that we blow out on our big day. As we sit, facing the warm light, slightly closing our eyes, we focus on that secret wish that we are not to share with anyone. Then we blow. Possibly, our wish will come true.

And should we carry that wish, we are ultimately the only one who knows if it truly does come to fruition.

On the flip—where is the accountability when it comes to fulfilling our wish? Should we not share it, we absolve ourselves by thinking that it will not be jinxed. No one will ever know, so no harm done, right?

Yet should we choose to share our wish, we are allowing ourselves to become vulnerable. Maybe it was a silly notion and we are too embarrassed to let others know. Or maybe it is a wish that is so dense with hope, should we fail to achieve it only we know that it is our own heart that is heavy with disappointment. Either way, it is up to us to decide as to whether we would like to invite others in on our little secret.

I have one wish.

I have only shared it with the very desire of which I would like to achieve. As the warm light of the candles approach this very day, as the eyes are closed and the breath of hope takes out the candles light, only time will tell if the vulnerability has paid off. I have declined absolution, while at the same time possibly, quite possibly have avoided the jinx. Over the next few weeks time will tell… maybe balancing absolution with a twinge of jinx shall bring the wish to fruition.

question: when do you close your eyes?

distant pull...

It seems that things are starting to cycle again. Whereas the hectic pace of life keeps us so occupied, that entropy, things start to stand still. This time, however it is an expected stand still—built into the plan. Know what I mean? You look at your calendar for upcoming events, both at work and at home, and then you breathe a sigh of relief. They are all empty. That silence of normalcy that Peder spoke of earlier—where the true silence, the unbusy, is a welcome reprieve from the chaos.

Yet as I was faced with writing on my thesis (no, not finished, far from, and we will all know when it is over, trust me!), I knew that the next couple weeks are rather empty—not too many meetings, no outrageous commitments at night—yet there was still this

… distant pull: where something is calling us a certain way, yet what it is and what should be done is not always well articulated

and it is waiting. It is rather an interesting feeling.

When those moments of chaos are all of a sudden silent, and you are alone in your thoughts and feelings, sometimes we feel that something, or someone, is pulling us their way. Maybe it is that intuitive notion that it is time to grow, maybe we instinctively feel what is coming on the other side of the silence. I am in it now, and although I can put my finger on it, I am not sure what to do.

On the flip—what if it is our inner being telling us just to relax? What if that distant pull we feel, whether we can put our finger on it or not, is actually our spirit throwing up the red flag to just chill?

I know what my distant pull is. And there is not much I can do about it right now other than wait for time to pass. Yet I am not sure come what may once I get there, yet I know the process in is play, therefore I shall trust her with her insight.

It is as if a warm, quiet shore is calling me. Inviting me to dance. Asking me to stay, take the adventure. When that pull finally takes me in its grasp, I shall not deny it and take the plunge. For, as a swimmer, I know that with the informed decisions that will arise throughout the strong undercurrents of the pull, I shall be more than fine.

And if we were not able to put our finger on it, we may choose to follow the distant pull anyway. There is a reason why it is there, teasing us to dare, asking us to take the jump. There is something to be learned from that intuitive pull. We are ready for its challenge, whether consciously or not. Should we not be, more than likely it would never have presented itself.

question: what is your undercurrent?

negotiated order...

That good ol’ date of 11 October has brought me to a place where I am thinking about decisions I have made in the past. I do not, I mean this, do not regret anything that I have ever chosen to do, act upon or having loved. Yet I am taking stock now, trying to understand what drives the decision making process—heart, mind, needs… maybe nothing but curiosity. And depending on the situation, it warrants a combination of the aforementioned, maybe elements of other things, albeit in a balance appropriate for the situation. Regardless, no matter what guided my decisions in the past, I have been a full advocate and participant in the notion that we engage in

…negotiated order: where we make trade offs at specific points in our life, dependent on the situation.

I guess we can look into stakeholder engagement theory (again!) to understand trade off theory, negotiated order in its finest. It is postulated (and I am sure that we have done this ourselves) that we can go through a negotiated order process—where we assign value to certain things, based on the meaning that we assign to it at that given time—and determine its saliency in the grander scheme of things.

Take for example, buying a car (yes, here comes the BMW, nah, how about a Volvo?). You have your principles in place and usually do not gravitate towards SUVs at all. Gas guzzlers, seemingly obnoxious and rather overrated. I have definitely feel that way—I never really knew why on earth one would need a AWD mammoth tanker in south Florida, where it is flat, let alone no snow. So here you are, faced with, let’s say a move to a mountainous region, and up until now you have not needed a car. Then, you see the Volvo XC90 (sweet ride), AWD monster and say *hey, she’s rather sexy… maybe…* Huh?

Time to whip out the trade offs—need AWD in snowy mountainous regions, safer to be higher up to see around the hairpin turns, can carry skis and the like—things you would never consider while living in a flat, tropical environment. So with those needs in place, the earlier *standards* are traded off for the current need. Ta da! You have negotiated the order to fit the bill.

On the flip—what if we are just simply rationalizing our behaviour? Finding a way to bend our principles a bit to fit a new situation? Do you really need the XC90 in the Alps? Why not just a simple sedan with a reasonable amount of HP and front wheel, or 4WD?

Now take it down a level, especially with matters of the heart. Isn’t it funny that at one point in our lives we think *no way, not EVER again* after an experience, only to be faced with another decision that makes us reflect and question the earlier response? You look at that person, that opportunity and think that, well, if I can enjoy _____ then I can give _____. You negotiate the order of what you are willing to do, what you are willing to sacrifice, against what benefit will come to fruition.

Yet is it smart to do so, especially with matters of the heart? As we conversed earlier about *never let the emotions lead the way*, should we find ourselves in a place where the emotions are in the lead, we may trade off more than we would ordinarily have done. And is that a bad thing? I mean, do we not at times think just a little too much? Or is logic our best defense, the sure way to protect ourselves from the potential risks that outweigh the benefits?

question: where do you trade off?

little earthquakes...

I am facing *the day after* now, the one where we take a look back, understand why things happened the way they did, only to finally realize that everything has fallen into place for a reason. Now that I am at that point, I can finally feel

…the little earthquakes: my small awakenings in my spirit that tremble from within,

that change the surface of the soul a bit, adding new crests and valleys in which we are to navigate.

Isn’t it amazing when we get to this point? After all of the happiness and tears, particularly the tears where we thought we would never pull through, all of a sudden become clear? And we shed those tears again, yet this time it is for joy and love, those of acceptance, acknowledgement and complete understanding. It moves us, rattles us, eventually to the point where it becomes us—alive, breathing, feeling, every emotion and thought we had believed we would never meet. Ever. And those new emotions and realizations, albeit freeing, do come at a little price. It can hurt to process them, feel them and release them… however it must be done. Have to make room for growth!

This is paramount to the pilot, above it in an incomprehensible way. Whereas the pilot is above us, ready to take us to another journey, it is the little earthquakes that slightly change the landscape—so that we are a different person for the next challenge. With the little earthquakes we have truly developed, ready for the next stage.

On the flip: and thanks to Peder for posing this! Why not be our own pilot? Our own source of inspiration? Taking the little earthquakes, the new landscape, along with our touch points through our days, and incorporate it into our development into becoming better pilots? Brilliant, and so spot on! Peder nailed it on the head—we need these development opportunities to balance and center us, allowing us to identify our values

I am not able to articulate this, yet we all know what our little earthquake is, right? It is beyond inspiration… it is a revelation, one with a new awakening. The landscape has changed and therefore time for new beginnings.

question: what, or who, rocks your world?

perfect strangers...

I was going to originally post this as *beautiful strangers*, yet then I realized it would be cliché and remind us of Austin Powers…

So with that, let’s get down to business.

Last night, while scoping my usual political blogs, I decided to step away from them for a bit. After a while, I hopped back onto DKos (www.dailykos.com) to a huge outbreak, a flurry of comments, e mails and posts in response to this:

from: http://www.dailykos.com/story/2006/10/10/20568/014
I'm exhausted, and I've exhausted all avenues of finding a job, a place to live, a live person to talk to, a way to stop suffering.
The answers have been unanimous - silence.
It is a myth that a person doesn't live in isolation. I disproved that.
I appreciate those who read my feeble attempts at writing diaries.
Thanks, too, to folks who commented here and there and who provided critiques and advice for writing.
The one thing that wasn't robbed from me was my own dignity, and that I'm taking with me.
Best to you all-
(Buffy Orpington—Dkos ID)


One of our fellow Kossacks decided that she could not hang onto her thread any longer, and posted this as her way of either a cry for help, or possibly...

Within a handful of hours, the DKos community sprung into action:

Boston Kossacks PLEASE HELP Buffy

Between many members, both in the US and worldwide, they were able to track down Buffy Orpington’s (DKos name) apartment, picture, call Boston PD, checked the hospitals, tracked her IP and found where she was when she posted it. They called upon the Boston Kossacks, who in turn went to her apartment, found her super, he confirmed her ID. They contacted her family, no leads. They are going to call her employer first thing Tuesday. They even found that in one of her diaries she spoke about having her dogs euthanized.

As of 11:00pm EST 10 October, she has not been found. At one point there was cause for joy, for it was thought that she had been located, however Brubs (Bostonian Kossack) reported that after he got the location tip from AngryMonkey (Kossack not from Boston), he searched for her personally, and was not able to find her. The evening ended with GreyHawk and Aerdrie leaving a note on Buffy’s door.

I broke down and cried. Not only for the soul of someone in anguish, yet also for the

…perfect strangers: people demonstrating the beauty of humanity in a dire hour selflessly, unbeknownst to one another

that pulled together so quickly, effectively from their amazing beings to help one in need.

We hope to find Buffy. It is being discussed currently to set up a fund for her, so that we can help her get back on her feet with whatever she needs, whether it be of material nature or emotional support. In fact, Kossacks are taking pledges now, and earmarking them for Buffy’s return. Many posted their comment, offering her a place to stay, to help her in any way they can.

I will definitely update this as we get more information.

And a big, loving hug to AngryMonkey, for all of her energy that she selflessly threw into finding Buffy, and identifying her diary as a signal to act. And for all Kossacks that jumped in to swim, you are sincerely the best and amazing.

Bottom line—when we go through our days, wondering where in the world are the swimmers as we see glimmers of inhumanity in our path, it is moments like these that remind us that there are beautiful, amazing beings, somewhere in this world. And with their determination and symbiotic nature, they draw upon each other to make a difference.

There really is not a flip for this, other than it is a curious thing to know-- why is it that not everyone in this world is driven by that same, brilliant spot from within to contribute to a healthy, loving difference in this world? Another subject for another time…

question: how could one not?

embracing adversity...

Today marks a day that at one point signified a celebration, yet now is reflective of a commitment unfulfilled, where one person is ready to take things to the next level, only to find the other nowhere in sight. And I actually am thankful for this day, even though I will not wake up with that same person 40, 50 years from now, for I have learned that

...embracing adversity: accepting things that seem to be negative, unfortunate or a perceived barrier

is an opportunity in the making. All depends on how we look at it.

It is tough, especially in those trying times, those yet-to-be-discovered-damn-it-where-is-the-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel moments where it seems almost impossible to make it through. Ah, once again… *trust the process*.

As I stood, feeling defeated, giving it my all and everything in me to make it work, I realized that it is not possible when others wish to not comply. And at the time I was frustrated, lost, panicked to the point that I could not breathe—not that healthy, inspiring lack of breath we get when our socks are blown off—no, actually the one where there is nothing left to give. When we think we can make things happen, we learn the hard way that although we create our own luck, we find that there is something else, possibly someone else awaiting us to take the challenge of growing as an individual so that we can contribute at a later time.

On the flip—what if the lack of breath is a good thing? Were we not to be totally expended, we would never realize that the very thing that drained us is indeed that—a drain. And then we would not have the opportunity to evaluate ourselves, reflect, and take a good look at who we are and see the areas that need to be developed. Now, as for the drain comment, it is not meant as a barb—there are many in this world that are trapped inside themselves, unable to reciprocate for they just simply do not know how—and let us not forget that at times we are complicit. And then comes *the walk* conversation we had—is it a bad thing to walk, where we walk from the one who cannot reciprocate, the one who acknowledges that very fact that they do not know how, yet consciously chooses not to work on it?

There is a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow, and of course as the process runs her course, now I understand. Had I not shown up on 11 October 1997, I would not be here today. I would not have made the choices I made, paid prices every now and then, nor have reaped the rewards of where I am now, this very minute, had I not shown up at The Abbey in Atlanta. I would not be the woman I am today, for those experiences, a combination of joy and at times pain, would have not given me the *red flags* needed to grow. In fact, I am thankful. Deliriously so. For now I know myself better, what needs and desires I have and my value system is in place.

And I would not be in Denmark now, either, awaiting my next adventure of a lifetime, possibly for a lifetime…

question: what is your adversity?