29 December 2008

settling into the nest...

I just love the holidays!!!

This past summer, while hopping all over the EU and US (actually from January until August....) I realised that my life in Switzerland was surely to pass by if I kept it up.

I came to understand that yes, I am ready for my life partner and a family, have been for quite some time. Yet I realised that I was still living my life reflecting of just me. Then I decided it was time for

...settling into the nest: creating my life so that Switzerland is home and that my life reflected where I want to go and prepared for what I have asked.

As detailed in the last post (yes, a month ago, I digress) I cleaned house to reflect that I am ready. Half my closet space is open and ready. Half my drawers, half my cave, half the linen closet, half the hall closet. I removed everything that is reflective of who I was and kept everything that reflects who I am at this moment.

While jetting around in August, I had this strong intuitive feeling that I need to stay home for Christmas. Home being Switzerland. Gone are the days of referring to Denmark as home. When I refer to going to the US, it is to visit my family. Home is here.

I am so thankful that I followed through with this. The days of getting nervous that my weekend was empty (and weeknights) and hence travelling have passed. I see now clearly that I was operating from a place of fear, focusing on the fear of being alone, partnerless, without a baby on the way. The fear of not getting time with my now ex boyfriend when I was home. I travelled so much, thinking that the times I was home that he would spend it with me, and he chose otherwise. I got more of the same... more emptiness, times alone.... ugh! I was attracting the very kind of man that I feared, for I was acting out of fear by travelling so much!

It occurred to me (and thanks to Regitze and Rikke for their loving support on 01 November to help me see this) that I was focusing on what I did not have. And when we focus on NOT, we keep getting the same. The universe does not hear 'not', 'no'.

I was not as profusely thankful for what I DO have, and for what is coming my way. I was lacking faith in trusting the process.

I have even pulled myself off web dating services, closed out the like on FB. I know my perfect partner is here, and when it is time for us to discover each other (whether if we already know each other or have yet to meet), the universe will let us know.

I am thankful most minutes, see the good in all things, and am thankful for all the good things that are coming my way.

So I am settled in my nest. Settled to the point that when I think of leaving Switzerland, even for a night, I get homesick. It is a great feeling, especially when I come home to the airport and hop into my car!

I have spent this past holiday so far reading books, walking all over Lausanne to coffee shops for a renverse and a croissant. I have been walking about 4km a day. Sometimes more! And I SMS those who are here to see if they would like to join. My schedule filled up naturally. I am thankful that I now have the attitude of abundance-- there is plenty of time, money and love. And more to come!

I have cooked over 200 cookies, made cakes, cooked dinner, watched movies, met new poeple, had apertiv, snowshoeing, Christmas with a friend and his son. It occurred to me today that I would like another week off, for I am unable to imagine the freedom of coming and going as I please throughout Lausanne to read and sip on a cafe! Then it hit me, yes I can.... Starbucks (yes, I know, yet this is Suisse and the local cafes close at 1800) is open until 2200 or so and I can continue this after work when I get home.

So I am beyond happy. I have room for everything and more! And tomorrow I head to Denmark to visit my 'family' there. I am ok with this. PErfect, actually. As I know that I will be coming home Friday evening!

question-- are you settled?

09 November 2008

cleaning house...

Yeps, I figured I would pull an Obama tonight and clean house! :)

I got up this morning with the intention of driving to Montreux for ice cream, as I do regularly since the drive is fab and the best place in Suisse for is! is! is Paradise.

Then I got a calling that it is time to start

...cleaning house: getting rid of almost everything and anything to make room for the new and ordered.

I threw out about 7 IKEA bags worth of clothes, donating them. Got rid of old paperwork, filed away the important ones. Made space in my drawers and closets so that there is plenty of room. I was proud when I was able to have 2 drawers in my chest of drawers completely open. Plus 2 shelves in my closet, and both of my closets are half empty. It feels wonderful!

I have about 15 boxes of things that I have been lugging around for a bit in my cave that I need to throw out. I will not even look at what is in it, just throw it and donate it away.

I am giving my Barbie collection to Sophia, as she has 3 daughters.

I will continue doing this all week. I want and need to create space. It makes me happy and is fulfilling, and I am grateful for having the inspiration to do it. I have realised that I am ready for a partner, have been for a long time, including family, and it struck me today that I am not living like I am ready for one! With all of my stuff everywhere, there would not be room for another. So in addition to my cleaning house spiritually over a year ago, it hit me that I need to do it physically as well. Ask, believe, receive!

Now all I need is to find a larger car to carry the boxes away!

question-- what is your 'cleaning house'?

01 November 2008

cast your vote...

Many thanks to Tara to sending this!

Click on the link below and

...cast your vote: for the next president of the US.

There is a group of guys in Iceland that created this web site to let the world cast its vote, as there are many voices that are not heard yet are affected by the next leader of the US.

The goal is to get at least 1 million global votes.

So cast yours and be heard.

http://www.iftheworldcouldvote.com/

My ballot, hence vote, was received and signed for on Friday in Florida. And yes, I voted for Obama! There are several witnesses in my office who saw this, including Xavier as I was sitting with him when I was filling out the bubbles. Thanks for lending me the pen!

question: what if you are not heasrd?

25 October 2008

long time coming....

The elections in the US are getting closer, about 10 days away.

For the past year, I have kept silent. Until moving to Switzerland, I was heavily involved in US politics. I did a bit of political writing and blogging, analysis for Daily Kos, and even contributed my time to key campaigns by travelling back to the US to help with 72 hour strategic pushes.

Moving to Switzerland I went through a lot of changes that required me to pull back and reduce whatever noise there was in my soul. I was going through many changes, some I anticipated because of my choice, others that I did not even see coming. My world was shook up, for better as I am growing because of this, yet nevertheless it is tough. Especially choosing to go it alone, yet I needed to. My spiritual health depended on it, even though at times I feel that I cannot do it. I am a better person each day for myself and the universe as I am more consciously creating each moment.

So this morning brings me to casting my ballot, reflecting on the elections, this past year, what is going on now and I decided it was a

...long time coming: so I got back into the political writing again just for the morning.

I posted a quick diary on being an American expat, change, the collective conscience and why little things by many is so important. What started it all was that I received a FaceBook post from the Obama campaign about reducing taxes in the US. I got a little riled, as we who are living abroad STILL have to pay tax to the US.

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2008/10/25/44847/973/20/641709

My post was not solution oriented. It was not a rant. I am past these things to a degree. I have learned to let go of many things while learning to hold on to a few. I used to throw myself into the political ring with passion, angst and adrenaline to the point that I could not see. Now I step back and am gracious for what I have, and use quiet patience with everyone who I encounter as my peace.

So I need to head to the post. I have to get my ballot in today so that it is counted... in the state of Florida no less. I lived there in 2000 when the Gore/Bush debacle tore us apart. Ok, we let it, well some of us did. Many of us lost friends in that, yet the beautiful thing was that I found like minded people in the shake up and am thankful for that.

And in writing this, I have realised what brings me more joy. In the past, it was throwing myself full throttle into everything, being a part of the process by shaping it, leading it, pushing it, taking charge.

Now what brings joy to me is watching people enjoy themselves, it really brings a smile to my heart. Yes, I still participate, I like to view my role now in life as one who leads by being a facilitator/coach/supporter/observer, as it also brings me joy to empower people to a higher level of self.

I can still take charge and lead in this way, yet I find it more fulfilling as it feels that it comes from a center of love and wisdom, and empowers me to seek to understand first as opposed to being understood. Essentially, I have chosen this way of leading and taking charge of my life first-- and the rewards are wonderful!

And it allows me to surround myself with amazing people who have strengths and passions in areas where I do not. I love this!

Yet the icing on the cake, the sweetest part of it all (to me) is being blessed to see others enjoy themselves on their journey... I like seeing the essence of someone unfold in front of me and with me, the interactions when many come together.

I long no more to be the center. Instead I choose to float in the ether of beingness. Whether it be mine, with only one person in front of me and with me, or the world of many around me.

question: what have you abandoned for inner peace?

23 October 2008

holy bloody s@%*!...

yeps, day 2 of being sick yields more e mail, sleeping and internet surfing!

This will not be very long, yet i saw something in the news that had me screaming, partially in laughter yet mostly in a oh-my-god-you-canNOT-be-serious fashion. i was about to log onto yahoo mail when i saw a heading that made me shout

...holy bloody s@%*: you have got to be kidding............ the tampa bay devil rays........in the world series?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

this is insane!

i lived in the tampa bay area for 7 years. it was my last home in the US before i moved to denmark. i lived in north tampa and in tarpon springs (home to the largest greek population in the world outside of greece), only to land in st. petersburg prior to my departure.

and i remember all the devil ray drama.

i never got it, to be honest. first off, i never really was a fan of baseball. i did grow up going to yankees games, it is more fun in person (better with the beer), yet i never got the fever. i prefer nfl football (ok, i admit, i am a die hard nfl fan!!).

i remember the days where less than 500 people would go to a devil ray game. yeah, i know, i am sounding cynical in all of this, almost brat-like, yet i remember how we thought they would never take off. i am glad to see after all this time they have made it (not as good as the florida marlins making a world series debut after just joining the major leagues, yet i digress...)

we were shocked when they put the stadium in the back-then retiree capital of south florida-- st. petersburg. younger people with families lived in upwards of one hour drive (if lucky with traffic, usually longer) from the stadium. we never understood this. they were the target market.

and getting into st. pete was ok, with the exception of poorly marked directions, even though tropicana field was h.u.g.e and could not be missed.

and that afterwards there was not really any place to go to celebrate. which really was not a problem, actually, as the devil rays always got beat.

and tailgating before the games was tough as the parking was not sufficiently ambient to do so.

yet i am reflecting on the st. pete that i knew in 1997 when i first arrived from the olympic city of atlanta, georgia. st. pete was still a retirement capital, yet under the surface things were brewing. the race riots helped, albeit for a while it was really tense in the city. it brought needed tension to the surface to set change into motion.

by the time i left in 2004, st. pete was (and is) amazing now-- more balanced in a diverse way. the artsy community took over a section, and now it boasts cosy cafes and jazz bars.

the gay-borhood between 7th and 22nd ave is very cool-- the key largo styled older homes are being refurbished and there is a vibe unparallel there in comparison to the rest of the area. i remember when my best friend jamie and her now hubby bought a home there, only to be greeted by a gay couple who was soooo excited to have the first straight couple on the block!

and it brings back memories of the first time i drove to st. pete in the fall of 1997 and got lost behind children's hospital... where i saw an eagle walking on the road and i almost hit it.

which triggers my memories of the fab christmas bashes that dr. guerrier would throw for about 500 people, faithfully every year (he is now on his 24th one!). as he is from the carribean, the food was from the region as well as the band. although i could never stomach the green curried goat. yet dancing the night away until 4am always brings a smile to my face as i remember the people, my friends, the smells of christmas at dr. g's.

as i am writing this, i am glad for the process. from near cynicism to appreciation and gratuity. i do not want to overlook the special times from years ago, nor forget them.

i have not been back since 2006. most of my friends have moved on and disappeared from the area with an exception of a handful. some have started their own families, others children are more grown than when i last saw them. yet the beauty of it all is that life is changing and evolving... very cool indeed.

and oops, this was longer than intended, yet so helpful...

i now can smell the salt laden winds of the gulf, feel the dew kissed grass in between my toes, as the last snap of light from the sun setting into the horizon quickly flashes green before going to sleep in the sea.

life is beautiful.

question-- what puts gratuity in your heart?

22 October 2008

ugh, it's the encore...

happy wednesday!

even better, it is topped off with rain and i am home sick...again!

i knew it when i headed out monday night. i was standing in the kitchen debating if i should catch up with my best friend Nikki. she arranged an apero at Darling and quite a few people were dropping out. i hate to fall back on my committments, try to avoid doing it at all costs. yet my body begged no, i debated it and countered with "only 1.5 hours". which i faithfully adhered to as it was my committment to myself and my body and was home in bed asleep by 23:00.

then at lunch yesterday it started to hit

...ugh, it's the encore: fatigue, swollen lymph and aches, with high blood glucose (while I was sleeping--what does my body need to do with a glucose of 190 mg/dL while sleeping??) hit again.

so i am home today, missing out on a training session.

i have taken it easy for 2 months. it could very well be that the first year here was a little overdone and my immune system is still fragile. the move and changes in my life alone were quite plenty, augmented by my throwing myself into work and travel.

or it could be that i am allergic to switzerland. :) seems plausible, as this is the third illness (in addition to surgery last summer) that i have had in less than 1 year while here. i did not get sick in denmark like this. took antibiotics for the first time in five years just last month. and we all know that i detest taking meds!! :)

i will have to say this, being single and sick is no fun! i can get pouty and bratty, and i know that is my way of saying "i need to be nurtured". hugs, kind words, a pat on the head usually pulls me out of it. i do miss that part (among many other things!) in a partnership-- love it when the other makes soup and cares for you.

so i pulled on my blessings and reached out to my friends today... they are so wonderful! albeit it was virtual hugs and pats, it helped tremendously. later i will call my dad when he is awake. and my new colleague Jennifer just called to see how i am feeling, along with the group at the training session that i am missing. that was a really nice surprise!

and i made myself soup, granted it was in a packet (too tired to make from scratch, as i prefer to cook and enjoy it...heck, do not have all of the ingredients). i have tons of soup all over the place for moments like these!! veggie, tomate, lentil. and usually i add fresh veggies as well, yet as i am out of veggies i had "naked soup". topped off with a piece of chocolate (not in it!! afterwards!)

now it is time to go back and lie down. i still have the book Xavi loaned me, luckily i have not plowed through it so it should last until tomorrow!

yeps, lie down, read, nap, eat soup, check e mail. rinse and repeat!

question-- how do you manage the encore?

19 October 2008

oops i did it again...

I am beat!

I got in earlier this eve from racing in Dijon. My colleague Alex is a racecar driver, and Xavi and I trekked it up to Dijon to shotgun it for a few laps. Exhilarating! And I wore my CGM (continuous glucose monitor)-- my blood glucose actually went down during the ride. Testimony to how relaxed I was secondary to Alex's extremely competent driving.

So I got home this eve, not in the mood to cook, not in the mood to go out, so I was facing a crossroads. One phone call and 35 minutes later I am in Montreux (I usually end up there, don't I) having dinner with Julian, my bud and the godfather of Glocals. Cooking up plans and outings as always for the group, including a monsterous "cardiac hike" next weekend (god save me!).

Between chicken satay and ribs for starters, three shared dishes for main course and (yes) fried pineapple for moi only, dinner went well and the conversation as always was colourful to say the least. I then drove home, ready to crash when I realised that

...oops I did it again: I ate late and therefore I have to stay up, AGAIN, late to calibrate my CGM!!!

stupid.me.

Just as well, it gives me time to reflect on the day and the good time that I had. And the amazing ride home. On the way to Dijon, we took the standard autoroute, amongst the competition between 2 different GPS systems. The ride home proved my GPS to be the winner (my Danish chick that yells at me) as she routed us through the Jura mountains. One of the most beautiful journeys I have taken indeed.

Ever.

The broccoli headed-like trees were sunkissed at their tops, mother nature's fireworks abound with the changing colours of the leaves, twisty-turny roads (mind you, at times interrupted by crappy drivers on the road in front of us, yet I digress...), medieval villages with waist thin alleys, architecture screaming for a BW shot, and the hillsides of sandstone tempting you to touch was surreal.

All of it.

The digestive of the day was a pit stop to click away at Mont Blanc just south of St. Cerge (yes, the place where I was pooped upon by a cow). Cotton candy wafts of pink light scattered the sky, matched with poignant determined spots of blue, yielding the white greatness of the Mont Blanc in such a beautiful contrast set against the quiet bustle of Nyon below. I had my Casio with me, which did not do the shot justice to say the least. With a few snaps and quick cigarette break, the day came to a close.

Yet the drive to Dijon itself, albeit on the sometimes mind numbing asphalt in comparison to the ride home was pale, I admit the wafe-like moon in the daytime sky, transparently so, winked at us continuously in a curious manner. That too was memorable indeed. And to top it off, I was one step closer to my childhood dream of touching the clouds, as we were driving through cloud billows when crossing a lake (forget where!) on the way to Dijon. Should have pulled over....

question-- when does waiting up pay off?

16 October 2008

wired yet tired...

Yeps, almost weekend!

So today was a rather interestingly long yet short day. I spent the day fighting hypos to the point I went home to sleep it off. I popped on a continuous glucose monitor this afternoon as the safety net, which requires a calibration (via a fingerprick) every 12 hours. And, only after 2 hours after finishing a meal at minimum.

As I am writing this, I am ready to go lie down, for I am

...wired yet tired: not quite ready to go to bed, yet certainly not ready to rock out the eve.

Of course I long to grab a book (best sleeping pill!), yet as I have just got in from eating fab fondue with my colleagues, I have realised that I need to stay awake for at least 1 hour more (ie 1230am minimum!!) to calibrate again.

Why wait?

Well, silly me, instead of lugging the glucose meter along to dinner to check at 8pm (which means next calibration is at 8am tomorrow, with the reminder alarm going off at 7am, the time I know for sure that I will be awake), I opted to check after getting up this afternoon.

At 5:30pm.

Which means next calibration is at 5:30am.

Usually no prob, as I start my lazy morning of breakfast-tea-reading-meditation-writing-napping-read-some-more-oh-god-time-to-get-in-the-shower routine at 6am.

Yet my reminder will go off at 4:30am... crappy timing!!!

So I am at a crossroads-- stay up until at least 12:30am to calibrate, therefore sleep in if the mood strikes (or the body demands it)... or crash now risking a buzzing, screaming alarm at 4:30am.

Huh. Guess I better plan this better the next time around!

So weekend is almost here and it finds me taking it easy. Friday night is curl up with a book, thanks to Xavier for lending me book 2 of "The year in the Merde". I really enjoyed the first one! That and some wine. Saturday finds me moving my solo "sexy sunday brunch" to that morning, as Sunday will have me on the road to Dijon to hit the racetrack with my colleague Alex. I guess I could catch up on some zzz's then as Xavier is driving.

Or I could keep writing here to stay awake...

question-- how do you escape the wired?

06 October 2008

it's complicated...

i was just readying for bed when Julian called.

he and his gal split on Friday eve. add to that my other friend Gabriel and his gal split as well.

getting into the details is not important. japanese culture pinnacles itself on what is not said, hence let's leave it to filling in the blanks.

chatting with Julian briefly made me chuckle a bit, thinking of the FaceBook choise on relationships that gives you the opportunity to list it as

... it's complicated: better left unsaid by saying so.

i find it interesting how some tend to repeat the same cycles in relationships. it seems many go after the same type of person, only to end up going through the same hell as before. Julian... are you reflecting? :)

my thoughts are that each person comes into our lives to challenge us to grow. everyone has a gift for us, only if we look past our needs, our ego self and wants to see it. i choose to see the gift in everyone (as best as i can... i am human afterall) and focus on the present. i have found that not being tied to a particular outcome has been helpful as well.

is everything complicated?

it does not have to be, it is all a matter of perspective, setting expectations, not being tied to a particular outcome, living in the present, seeing the gift and being gracious.

methinks the mediation has worked well!

at the end of the day, yes, there is someone out there for us. put it out in the universe, choose from desire (not from a need or want!) and let it do the work for you. and try not to focus on the end result, it is the journey that matters most. focusing on what we have, as opposed to what we do not have, helps as well.

i am not sure why i am even writing about this to be honest... maybe it is a dovetail of the emotionally exhausting week i had last week. maybe i sense that the world needs a bit of perspective as things are perceivably crashing down (real estate, stock markets). i am not sure... i am pretty connected to the collective conscious, which has its advantages and drawbacks, only depending on how it is used. or it could very well be that this is my safe spot to land for now.

ok, i am getting rather philosophical so i should probably grab my book and go to bed! :)

question-- how do you (un)complicate?

02 October 2008

clinging in the throes...

ah, nothing like a thursday night with my head buried in Kelley's Textbook of Internal Medicine!!

what got me here?

i was at the doc's a few days ago, routine visit and what not, and she ordered a few standard tests. of course, as i always participate in my care and protocol (i have learned!!) is very country dependent, i asked her if she made calls if a certain test came within a certain range. she looks at me, and replies that "oh, that test is not used anymore. we do..." and i realised that the world has spun past me in a matter of 3 years.

i got curious. things have changed. just like at the office. just like life each minute.

so tonight to satiate my curiosity (and to see if i really have lost my marbles) i pulled out my med books to investigate. oops, they are 5 years old, the human body does not change, yet diagnostic tests and procedures regularly do. i felt a little lost, understanding that while looking in my backboned paper friends, i was

...clinging in the throes: of change.

and when this happens, i have learned to take a step back and slow down. and look around me to appreciate what is there with gratitude.

change is just... simply...change.

and interestingly, we as humans seem to be thrown off when it happens, yet it happens each minute of each day. i view it as something that adds beauty to life, yet admit that at times i view it other that something that "just is".

and i have no idea why i am writing about this, could be reflective of my mood as the day was challenging....

consistency breeds a certain amount of comfort.

for me, when things are whirling at the speed of light, my indication and "hinting" of resistance to change (hence the need to seek what is perceived as comfort) manifests in several ways:

- the urge to run back to medical school
- the need to move into a new place or buy a home
- compelled to change jobs
- the desire to throw everything out

it is like i am trying to find my sense of "home"... belonging... like what i have right now does not "fit".

doing the very things that i am used to doing or need in order to feel centered. when this happens, and when i am aware (which is most of the time) i know it is time to take a step back, slow down and relax.

our office space got displaced last minute with major changes. differentiating between squamocolumar epithelial cells and degree of dysplasia is no longer 1a and 1b. (hell i have no idea what it is now, have to google it). we were to get rain today and it never showed.

it is normal to cling onto something familar when times (and ourselves) are uncertain. after all, feeling grounded is comforting, familiarity reminds us that we are indeed in control. it our "safe place to land" when there is nowhere (or no one) to turn to.

change equates a sense of loss of control and pushes the comfort zones. hey, growing pains are never easy!

and as i am writing this, this very minute, the rain has started to pour. hmm!

and i am reminded that the universe is still spinning, heeding and creating. thanks to change!

and change is, well, just change. i just got off the phone with julian, and he says that the rain is in montreux, which means there is a possibility of snow. could be perceived as "bad" for us, as our group is to go hiking on sunday into the caves (cool!) followed by a picnic (glocals standard!).

this equals cancelling the trip should it persist into saturday. or.... as we agreed, spinning the plans into an afternoon at Levey les Bains, soaking in the springs. as all things, it works out!

so now it is off to bed to read and reflect...

question: what is your "hint"?

29 September 2008

on being suisse...

continuing on the theme of culture, it brings me to the next subject as I am living in Switzerland... for now.

when in Denmark, I did not realise how much of the culture consumed me until I moved here. I feel more Danish than anything else. I admit that part of it could be that it is something that I am clinging to, as Denmark was my last home. There are many things about me that have remained intactfully American, yet there are many more that are truly Danish. I became one of them while there, and it took my moving to CH, along with being with other Americans in the US, to realise that indeed I am more Danish than I thought. And if you told me this while I was in DK I would have screamed! Yet I enjoy it now, am soooo thankful for having been there (even though it was the most difficult 3 years of my life) and am happy to be, to a degree, a Dane.

even to the point that I put the Danish flag on my birthday cake and I have Danish flags all over my desk.

So this past weekend I spent it with the local expats (as that is the best way to get to know people, can you believe that the Suisse are more closed than the Danes!!!), I was doing Suisse-ish things on Friday and Saturday. I went to the Cathedral (first time, thank you Marco... yes... I know) and to the Desalpes-- when the cows come home from the mountaintops for the winter.

The cows are decorated with flowers and hats. It is a sight to see for sure! And I did all things Suisse... raclette for the first time, fondue for the millionth. And while I was there, I wondered what it took to be a Suissie.... then it hit me what it was

...on being suisse: getting shat on by a cow!

Yes!

I have been baptised!!!

I am officially Suisse!

I even went shopping at Coop afterwards with my new badge of honor.

As I was in St. Cerge, which is above Nyon about 1100 meters, I was taking many pics of the cows coming down the mountain. In drag. With their owners (who were in their own type of drag... the local traditonal dress).

And I love cows. They are adorable and so beautifully simplistic.

I had my new camera with me (thanks Xavi, I have been putting it to many use!) and decided to align myself closely with the oncoming corral to get a good shot. As I did this, close to being stampeded, a cow decided to give me a good warning...

It shat all over me!!!

And tonight, as I engaged in all things Suisse as tonight is my only laundry slot for the week, I washed my clothes to no avail. They are stained permanently.

They may have saved my from my French-ness. My plan for Saturday, originally, was to go to Hermes afterwards to rescue a bracelet. As I like to match my scarves with a bracelet, I do have one scarf that remains partnerless. As I passed the Hermes window Friday night, I spotted the most AMAZING pink (I am a girl!!!) and silver bracelet in the window. So my plan was to get it after the Desalpes on Saturday.

Then I learned why the Suisse are so good at banking. Getting shat on by a cow keeps you from spending money!!!

To top it off, I got extra Suisse tonight as I came home to someone else doing laundry during my slot, I did as another Suisse would do-- I wrote a note in French reminding them to not take my slot.

Now if I can get the fondue odor out...

question-- how do you root your uprooted-ness?

23 September 2008

the art of being french...

I am back from Marbella!

The trip was fantastic, I met some really amazing people and had a restful, albeit caipirinha infused journey!

The resort was ok, I like the area well, and it drew me to a few more decisions in life which I will expand upon later... unless if you are too curious!

So, if you have been linking up to Xavi's blog, you may have seen a few quotes from a hilarious book called "A Year in the Merde". He loaned me the book, and I am so grateful as it was hysterical!! I had it in tow in Marbella and wrapped it up while there. I had it with me while at dinner one eve, at a very high end restaurant (EURO 100 for one person, yikes!) and I was laughing my ass off. I really connected with the part where Paul (main character) went back to the UK and realised that he finessed the

...art of being french: in how some things (fill in blank here, yet for the book, use "British") all of sudden became disdainful, repulsive and sometimes a true burden to endure

due to his experience in Paris. It is funny how a country shapes us, we never really know how much we have absorbed the local culture and its nuances until we go back to what may be considered "home".

I have the same experiences as well, I could connect with Paul, as after living in Denmark for 3 years, going to the US was a shock itself, to the point where I am not comfortable there. Three days is enough, I feel like I am suffocating a slow death, surrounded by poor quality food, too much noise, too much light, too much movement, stress... you name it. Everything American. Even when I was in the US last fall for 3 weeks (the first time I had been in a homogenous American setting in 4 years for such a length), the group kept me on the outside as they felt I was not American. They even said I dress like a European, even though I still buy my clothes in the US! (much cheaper there)

And I did not realise how Danish I have become and feel until I moved here to Switzerland. To the point that several colleagues though I was Danish for quite sometime until the cat was let out of the bag... damn blue passport!

Jeg er danskere, for helvede! :)

Why are you looking at me in the eyes, we are not supposed to do that unless we are toasting each other! What do you mean you put some jelly based icky pooh on these little sandwiches, have you not heard of the concept of smoerebroed? Why are you confirming an appointment, we already made the verbal agreement several months ago and it still stands! Why on earth are you even striking up a conversation with me on the bus, we do not know each other! Why are we not asking the group, what do you mean consensus is not important? And why do you press the "close doors" button as soon as you enter the elevator?

Yet I am diverging from my original thought and what I want to express, for the book triggered my trip down memory lane.

My ethnicity (different from my nationality) is equally 25% Swedish (can't you tell from my 149.9cm stature?), 25% Ukranian (fiery spirit), 25% Italian (more fiery spirit, great cook, olive skin, and for some reason abhor pasta).... and....

25% French.

The book triggered in me... what makes me French?

Well, for starters, I am for the common everyday person, to the point that from an organisational standpoint I prefer to work things from the bottom up. Plus I love any opportunity to serve on the side of the underdog, the little person. I will go to all lengths! Even fly to the US to serve in politcal campaigns, volunteer to build homes, hold art auctions for the poor, food collections for food pantrys... you name it. If there is a struggle, I am in the middle of it fighting for the have nots. I feel most free, liberated and connected when I do these things.

Yet growing up I do not remember any of the French side.... we did the Italian Christmas, Ukranian Easter (which I like to do to this day), studied the Swedish genes... yet the French?

I wonder if the French side just said "phooey to celebrating the other, we will not join in this nonsense" and allowed its presence to be known by its absence.

Did it manifest in the fact that, while in undergrad, while everyone was drinking wine coolers and beer, I was the only one sipping red wine?

Where are all my French connections?

I did study French Intellectualism in the 19th Century for one year while in undergrad. My prof, Stephen Vincent, was tres sans culottes in his essence. Long hair, always late, and preferred to moving our evening classes to the local brewery for study and local fare. Too bad at the time I was not 21, for I did envy those drinking the beer!

I met my first very-true-blue-white-and-red Frenchman in undergrad. His name is Alain, and at the time he was at least in his late 40's. He came to Raleigh and opened a wine store, our very first dedicated one at that in the early 90's. He was the first to introduce me to the art of wine tasting, as he pridefully put his Beaujolais upbringing in everything he did. Including his comments, which one eve as I was with my then boyfriend (things must have looked strained), he says to the then beau "if you do not tend to your garden, someone else will". He opened my eyes to the wines from his region, and every year would fly in the Nouveau in a private jet directly from Beaujolais to a invitation only dinner. Traditional french food, music and all!

I felt tres cool then, at the tender age of 22.

And from there, I have no idea where it went. Yet it has landed me here in the French part of Switzerland now.

Oops, it did strike me again when the US went through their ridiculous anti-French stage. My friends and I went out of our way to buy Evian, croissants and anything-and-everything French. And to add to the annoyance, whenever someone made a reference to the Statue of Liberty, I would candidly with sublime innocence ask "gee, wonder who gave us that gift in 1888"?

And when I first moved to Denmark, I was told that my Danish had a French accent (have no idea where that came from!).... and interestingly my French has a Danish accent (no surprise).

Ok, I do have a penchant for Hermes scarfs and bracelets, and am diehard Aubade devotee.

And I have added Viktor & Rolf to my consumption.

Yet the interesting thing, as I was flying to Marbella, reading the book and laughing the whole way (prob to the dismay of my neighbours), I am wondering if I need to explore more my French roots to sustain Suisse culture.

Then again, this is Suisse!! :)

So as I headed off the plane to grab a taxi, I was really putting my energies into this... then the cab driver asks me which part of South America I am from.... ...arg, my Cuban- accented Spanish blew my cover!!!

C'est la vie!

question: how do you (re) connect with your roots?

17 September 2008

detachment theory...

Youpi! Only 11 hours and I am on the plane to Marbella!

(heads up Elvis)... I can guarantee that I will not be posting while in Marbella as I have PLEDGED to not carry a laptop neither crackberry (blackberry) on my trip. I even flirted with the thought of leaving my mobile behind... yet alas, should their be an emergency or some-sort-of-drama, I may need her.

I will be honest, I am mentally checked out for the moment... for I have subscribed to the notion of

...detachment theory: the opposite of the psychoanalytical postulate of attachment theory

What is attachment theory, anyway?

I acquiese that this evening I am removed from the mood, and therefore offer to you the cheaters version on wikipedia. The bottom line is that in all interpersonal relationships, we form an attachment. The range and degree (whether it is the strength of the bond or the "healthiness" of said bond) depends on our lifeform (child or adult) and our environment.

(yes, smack me for skimping, yet I am following Polonius when he says "brevity is the soul of wit")

Basically, I am cutting off ties for a bit while in Marbella. Just for a bit though, as I do thrive on interacting with others, yet I direly need to recharge. I have not detached at all since being in Switzerland, and in fact, I am pretty sure that I have not in this lifetime as of yet.

So, I have packed my clothes, iPod and books (A Year in the Merde is there, thanks Xavier!) and my open curiosity to life. As mentioned in the previous post, this is a first, truly "only for me" indulgence and I am ready for it!

On the flip-- what if we are unattached to detach?

I can tell you, after going full throttle for quite a while, if we do not, we suffer. At least I have, and I almost hit a brickwall. Which, by the way, is no fun! Mortar is not forgiving!

My 2 cents are... inspiration and motivation are key to life and our being. And it is cyclical, in the sense that we do not have it at all times and therefore need to seek it out in alternative means. It, like all things, needs a tune up... hence Marbella.

question: how do you tune up?

16 September 2008

men, hvorfor ikke...

Sheesh, less than 48 hours and I am on a plane to Marbella!

who.would.have.ever.guessed.

I can tell you that I am ASTOUNDED (and for those of you who know me, we are in the same boat) that I am actually taking a holiday for me. Just me.

Hva'??????

I have battled the idea of doing something that I perceive as "selfish" for a long time. I have usually saved my holiday time to dash back to the US to do the fam thing (not doing that anymore, my life is here) or donate my time to key political races in the US (love it, too toxic of an environment, and to be honest, cannot detach).

To even consider sitting on a beach, alone, in a nice resort to focus on me in the past would have never been a thought to cross my mind.

So when my financial advisor came to see me last week, he sensed that I was under the gun. Not that work has been stressful, it actually has not, yet he sensed something was off key. Bottom line, I have not detached one bit since getting here. I have tagged work travel with hols, I really have not just "shut down". So he shows me this amazing resort in Marbella and afterwards I think

... men, hvorfor ikke: why not?

I have come to realise that doing, or rather choosing, to do things for ourself indeed helps us all in the long run. After all, if we do not take care of ourselves, how are we to move our energy forward with others?

Sooooooo.... a few clicks and a reservation at a tres, tres cool resort, I am leaving Thursday morning! Of course, the cheering of "do it, do it!" helped me along the way from Xavier. I wondered if he was as excited as I was! Well, once the bill comes in..... nah, skip it! :)

Yet to balance things out, I am also going to Portugal in November to volunteer with Habitat for Humanity to build homes in the city of Braga. So I am still tuning into the side of me that likes to give back to this world, the part of me that thrives on empowering.

Now the packing drama has commenced. Thank goodness my clothes are lightweight and my tennis racquet fits in the luggage (heck, I could too with my vertically challenged self, it would be less expensive to travel that way!). I am daring to fly with EasyJet (am an SAS brat, a gold card carrying one at that!) and there are so many restrictions. Ah well, c'est la vie/det er livet/es la vida!

No laptop/e mail/blackberry required. In fact, I may drop kick them into the sea.

(ok, maybe not, I was being brave there for a mo', yet to think of the look on my VP's face when I have to explain to where they disappeared...)

question-- when do you hvorfor ikke?



15 September 2008

being a brat...

There is no other place in this world we spend more time at than at our jobs. Well, ok, there is a tie between that and waiting at red traffic lights.

So, the relationships that we have at the office are important, everyone contributes to our lives in such special ways, and living in the moment is even more sacred (well, to me) when at the office for we pass so much time together. Albeit the meetings are a drain.... yet I diverge.

Today Xavier and I are rather punchy, a fab way to kick off a Monday. E mails flurrying about, on furniture shopping, food shopping and the Suisse challenge of getting all things done BEFORE 7pm as the shops close then (well, most, yet in the villages as early as 6pm). And amongst "discussing" (e-banter???) shop closing times, Xavier decides to remind me that he is correct after all with 7pm closure for Coop, Fly (no, not a hip hop store, a furniture store actually) and I forget what else. So I take it upon myself and embrace

...being a brat: countering with something mischevious and childlike

and simply return an e mail stating "(sticking tongue out)", thenpromptly returning to my work as that is why I am paid.

Out of nowhere, my Cheeky Monkey appears in my office, only to quickly stick his tongue out at me and run off! Arg! And then, to rub salt into my wound of dammit-why-did-I-not-think-of-that-first, he kindly sends me an e mail to remind me that he was first.

Oef!

And to top it off, he is now a subscriber to my blog (good thing!), holding me accountable to making more than the occassional post. (yes, I know, I have not been the best...). And of course he sent me an e mail to let me know!

Let's see who gets the "touche" moment when we go salsa dancing tomorrow.

(sticking tongue out)!

question-- what is your brat-ness?

08 September 2008

am I there yet...

Well, for sure I am still here!

Again, so much has passed over the months I have woken up to realise that I have not held my end of the deal here. So much has happened, my world has been spinning, and at the same time I have had the most amazing opportunities to grow over this past year that I am beginning to wonder...

...am I there yet: have I reached the point in my life where I am ready for "the experience of a lifetime"?

And what actually is "the experience of a lifetime", anyway?

It is a very personal thing for all of us, and it has our own meaning. For me, it is to find the love of a lifetime, and the details I will spare you. The bottom line, someone to share the experience of life and all it has to offer.

As I journey alone, I do create my own experiences, each and every day, and I am enjoying every minute of it-- both the joyous and sadness. It is what makes us human.

And getting there over the past year here in Switzerland has been one heck of a journey! And I have also realised that even though I have gained so much, I have not shared with you all what the "its" are. So I will over the course of (whatever time it takes) share what I have learned and faced. Specifically,

- managing emotions (they are neither positive nor negative, they just are!! and the good news is that they pass)
- managing negative thoughts (yes, we have them, the trick is that many think the thought creates the emotion, yet I have learned that the emotive state creates the thought, for we assign meaning to the emotion with thought-- some so deeply buried from over the years we may not even know WHY the emotion is there, it just is)
- accepting that people come into our lives to give us the choice to grow
- facing even more dimensions of who I am, new ones that have popped up over the past year
- how to honor myself and my passions without feeling... guilty
- how to live in the moment and not overplan (yes, planning is avoidance!)
- embracing synchrodestiny (hint... grab "The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire" by Deepak Chopra)

And a whole host of other things.

So... am I ready?

YES!

And... and am I deserving?

YES!

And are you?

YES!!!



So let's enter a conversation over all the above points and get to the bottom of it all-- that we are human, we are wonderful beings and deserve to listen to our hearts and follow suit.

The above could not have been possible without the beautiful people and experiences I have had so far here in Switzerland.

And, I have to say, I owe it to a colleague at work for getting me back on track with my blog. Thanks for the kick in the pants, Cheeky Monkey!

On the flip-- how do we know when we "get there"?

The trick is, we never know. And we are not supposed to know... that is the gift and mystery of life. In trusting the process, along with our instincts (feelings!) we always land where should for the moment for a greater purpose. In the end, we all do arrive. As we should.

question-- what is your "there"?