The elections in the US are getting closer, about 10 days away.
For the past year, I have kept silent. Until moving to Switzerland, I was heavily involved in US politics. I did a bit of political writing and blogging, analysis for Daily Kos, and even contributed my time to key campaigns by travelling back to the US to help with 72 hour strategic pushes.
Moving to Switzerland I went through a lot of changes that required me to pull back and reduce whatever noise there was in my soul. I was going through many changes, some I anticipated because of my choice, others that I did not even see coming. My world was shook up, for better as I am growing because of this, yet nevertheless it is tough. Especially choosing to go it alone, yet I needed to. My spiritual health depended on it, even though at times I feel that I cannot do it. I am a better person each day for myself and the universe as I am more consciously creating each moment.
So this morning brings me to casting my ballot, reflecting on the elections, this past year, what is going on now and I decided it was a
...long time coming: so I got back into the political writing again just for the morning.
I posted a quick diary on being an American expat, change, the collective conscience and why little things by many is so important. What started it all was that I received a FaceBook post from the Obama campaign about reducing taxes in the US. I got a little riled, as we who are living abroad STILL have to pay tax to the US.
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2008/10/25/44847/973/20/641709
My post was not solution oriented. It was not a rant. I am past these things to a degree. I have learned to let go of many things while learning to hold on to a few. I used to throw myself into the political ring with passion, angst and adrenaline to the point that I could not see. Now I step back and am gracious for what I have, and use quiet patience with everyone who I encounter as my peace.
So I need to head to the post. I have to get my ballot in today so that it is counted... in the state of Florida no less. I lived there in 2000 when the Gore/Bush debacle tore us apart. Ok, we let it, well some of us did. Many of us lost friends in that, yet the beautiful thing was that I found like minded people in the shake up and am thankful for that.
And in writing this, I have realised what brings me more joy. In the past, it was throwing myself full throttle into everything, being a part of the process by shaping it, leading it, pushing it, taking charge.
Now what brings joy to me is watching people enjoy themselves, it really brings a smile to my heart. Yes, I still participate, I like to view my role now in life as one who leads by being a facilitator/coach/supporter/observer, as it also brings me joy to empower people to a higher level of self.
I can still take charge and lead in this way, yet I find it more fulfilling as it feels that it comes from a center of love and wisdom, and empowers me to seek to understand first as opposed to being understood. Essentially, I have chosen this way of leading and taking charge of my life first-- and the rewards are wonderful!
And it allows me to surround myself with amazing people who have strengths and passions in areas where I do not. I love this!
Yet the icing on the cake, the sweetest part of it all (to me) is being blessed to see others enjoy themselves on their journey... I like seeing the essence of someone unfold in front of me and with me, the interactions when many come together.
I long no more to be the center. Instead I choose to float in the ether of beingness. Whether it be mine, with only one person in front of me and with me, or the world of many around me.
question: what have you abandoned for inner peace?
25 October 2008
23 October 2008
holy bloody s@%*!...
yeps, day 2 of being sick yields more e mail, sleeping and internet surfing!
This will not be very long, yet i saw something in the news that had me screaming, partially in laughter yet mostly in a oh-my-god-you-canNOT-be-serious fashion. i was about to log onto yahoo mail when i saw a heading that made me shout
...holy bloody s@%*: you have got to be kidding............ the tampa bay devil rays........in the world series?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
this is insane!
i lived in the tampa bay area for 7 years. it was my last home in the US before i moved to denmark. i lived in north tampa and in tarpon springs (home to the largest greek population in the world outside of greece), only to land in st. petersburg prior to my departure.
and i remember all the devil ray drama.
i never got it, to be honest. first off, i never really was a fan of baseball. i did grow up going to yankees games, it is more fun in person (better with the beer), yet i never got the fever. i prefer nfl football (ok, i admit, i am a die hard nfl fan!!).
i remember the days where less than 500 people would go to a devil ray game. yeah, i know, i am sounding cynical in all of this, almost brat-like, yet i remember how we thought they would never take off. i am glad to see after all this time they have made it (not as good as the florida marlins making a world series debut after just joining the major leagues, yet i digress...)
we were shocked when they put the stadium in the back-then retiree capital of south florida-- st. petersburg. younger people with families lived in upwards of one hour drive (if lucky with traffic, usually longer) from the stadium. we never understood this. they were the target market.
and getting into st. pete was ok, with the exception of poorly marked directions, even though tropicana field was h.u.g.e and could not be missed.
and that afterwards there was not really any place to go to celebrate. which really was not a problem, actually, as the devil rays always got beat.
and tailgating before the games was tough as the parking was not sufficiently ambient to do so.
yet i am reflecting on the st. pete that i knew in 1997 when i first arrived from the olympic city of atlanta, georgia. st. pete was still a retirement capital, yet under the surface things were brewing. the race riots helped, albeit for a while it was really tense in the city. it brought needed tension to the surface to set change into motion.
by the time i left in 2004, st. pete was (and is) amazing now-- more balanced in a diverse way. the artsy community took over a section, and now it boasts cosy cafes and jazz bars.
the gay-borhood between 7th and 22nd ave is very cool-- the key largo styled older homes are being refurbished and there is a vibe unparallel there in comparison to the rest of the area. i remember when my best friend jamie and her now hubby bought a home there, only to be greeted by a gay couple who was soooo excited to have the first straight couple on the block!
and it brings back memories of the first time i drove to st. pete in the fall of 1997 and got lost behind children's hospital... where i saw an eagle walking on the road and i almost hit it.
which triggers my memories of the fab christmas bashes that dr. guerrier would throw for about 500 people, faithfully every year (he is now on his 24th one!). as he is from the carribean, the food was from the region as well as the band. although i could never stomach the green curried goat. yet dancing the night away until 4am always brings a smile to my face as i remember the people, my friends, the smells of christmas at dr. g's.
as i am writing this, i am glad for the process. from near cynicism to appreciation and gratuity. i do not want to overlook the special times from years ago, nor forget them.
i have not been back since 2006. most of my friends have moved on and disappeared from the area with an exception of a handful. some have started their own families, others children are more grown than when i last saw them. yet the beauty of it all is that life is changing and evolving... very cool indeed.
and oops, this was longer than intended, yet so helpful...
i now can smell the salt laden winds of the gulf, feel the dew kissed grass in between my toes, as the last snap of light from the sun setting into the horizon quickly flashes green before going to sleep in the sea.
life is beautiful.
question-- what puts gratuity in your heart?
This will not be very long, yet i saw something in the news that had me screaming, partially in laughter yet mostly in a oh-my-god-you-canNOT-be-serious fashion. i was about to log onto yahoo mail when i saw a heading that made me shout
...holy bloody s@%*: you have got to be kidding............ the tampa bay devil rays........in the world series?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
this is insane!
i lived in the tampa bay area for 7 years. it was my last home in the US before i moved to denmark. i lived in north tampa and in tarpon springs (home to the largest greek population in the world outside of greece), only to land in st. petersburg prior to my departure.
and i remember all the devil ray drama.
i never got it, to be honest. first off, i never really was a fan of baseball. i did grow up going to yankees games, it is more fun in person (better with the beer), yet i never got the fever. i prefer nfl football (ok, i admit, i am a die hard nfl fan!!).
i remember the days where less than 500 people would go to a devil ray game. yeah, i know, i am sounding cynical in all of this, almost brat-like, yet i remember how we thought they would never take off. i am glad to see after all this time they have made it (not as good as the florida marlins making a world series debut after just joining the major leagues, yet i digress...)
we were shocked when they put the stadium in the back-then retiree capital of south florida-- st. petersburg. younger people with families lived in upwards of one hour drive (if lucky with traffic, usually longer) from the stadium. we never understood this. they were the target market.
and getting into st. pete was ok, with the exception of poorly marked directions, even though tropicana field was h.u.g.e and could not be missed.
and that afterwards there was not really any place to go to celebrate. which really was not a problem, actually, as the devil rays always got beat.
and tailgating before the games was tough as the parking was not sufficiently ambient to do so.
yet i am reflecting on the st. pete that i knew in 1997 when i first arrived from the olympic city of atlanta, georgia. st. pete was still a retirement capital, yet under the surface things were brewing. the race riots helped, albeit for a while it was really tense in the city. it brought needed tension to the surface to set change into motion.
by the time i left in 2004, st. pete was (and is) amazing now-- more balanced in a diverse way. the artsy community took over a section, and now it boasts cosy cafes and jazz bars.
the gay-borhood between 7th and 22nd ave is very cool-- the key largo styled older homes are being refurbished and there is a vibe unparallel there in comparison to the rest of the area. i remember when my best friend jamie and her now hubby bought a home there, only to be greeted by a gay couple who was soooo excited to have the first straight couple on the block!
and it brings back memories of the first time i drove to st. pete in the fall of 1997 and got lost behind children's hospital... where i saw an eagle walking on the road and i almost hit it.
which triggers my memories of the fab christmas bashes that dr. guerrier would throw for about 500 people, faithfully every year (he is now on his 24th one!). as he is from the carribean, the food was from the region as well as the band. although i could never stomach the green curried goat. yet dancing the night away until 4am always brings a smile to my face as i remember the people, my friends, the smells of christmas at dr. g's.
as i am writing this, i am glad for the process. from near cynicism to appreciation and gratuity. i do not want to overlook the special times from years ago, nor forget them.
i have not been back since 2006. most of my friends have moved on and disappeared from the area with an exception of a handful. some have started their own families, others children are more grown than when i last saw them. yet the beauty of it all is that life is changing and evolving... very cool indeed.
and oops, this was longer than intended, yet so helpful...
i now can smell the salt laden winds of the gulf, feel the dew kissed grass in between my toes, as the last snap of light from the sun setting into the horizon quickly flashes green before going to sleep in the sea.
life is beautiful.
question-- what puts gratuity in your heart?
22 October 2008
ugh, it's the encore...
happy wednesday!
even better, it is topped off with rain and i am home sick...again!
i knew it when i headed out monday night. i was standing in the kitchen debating if i should catch up with my best friend Nikki. she arranged an apero at Darling and quite a few people were dropping out. i hate to fall back on my committments, try to avoid doing it at all costs. yet my body begged no, i debated it and countered with "only 1.5 hours". which i faithfully adhered to as it was my committment to myself and my body and was home in bed asleep by 23:00.
then at lunch yesterday it started to hit
...ugh, it's the encore: fatigue, swollen lymph and aches, with high blood glucose (while I was sleeping--what does my body need to do with a glucose of 190 mg/dL while sleeping??) hit again.
so i am home today, missing out on a training session.
i have taken it easy for 2 months. it could very well be that the first year here was a little overdone and my immune system is still fragile. the move and changes in my life alone were quite plenty, augmented by my throwing myself into work and travel.
or it could be that i am allergic to switzerland. :) seems plausible, as this is the third illness (in addition to surgery last summer) that i have had in less than 1 year while here. i did not get sick in denmark like this. took antibiotics for the first time in five years just last month. and we all know that i detest taking meds!! :)
i will have to say this, being single and sick is no fun! i can get pouty and bratty, and i know that is my way of saying "i need to be nurtured". hugs, kind words, a pat on the head usually pulls me out of it. i do miss that part (among many other things!) in a partnership-- love it when the other makes soup and cares for you.
so i pulled on my blessings and reached out to my friends today... they are so wonderful! albeit it was virtual hugs and pats, it helped tremendously. later i will call my dad when he is awake. and my new colleague Jennifer just called to see how i am feeling, along with the group at the training session that i am missing. that was a really nice surprise!
and i made myself soup, granted it was in a packet (too tired to make from scratch, as i prefer to cook and enjoy it...heck, do not have all of the ingredients). i have tons of soup all over the place for moments like these!! veggie, tomate, lentil. and usually i add fresh veggies as well, yet as i am out of veggies i had "naked soup". topped off with a piece of chocolate (not in it!! afterwards!)
now it is time to go back and lie down. i still have the book Xavi loaned me, luckily i have not plowed through it so it should last until tomorrow!
yeps, lie down, read, nap, eat soup, check e mail. rinse and repeat!
question-- how do you manage the encore?
even better, it is topped off with rain and i am home sick...again!
i knew it when i headed out monday night. i was standing in the kitchen debating if i should catch up with my best friend Nikki. she arranged an apero at Darling and quite a few people were dropping out. i hate to fall back on my committments, try to avoid doing it at all costs. yet my body begged no, i debated it and countered with "only 1.5 hours". which i faithfully adhered to as it was my committment to myself and my body and was home in bed asleep by 23:00.
then at lunch yesterday it started to hit
...ugh, it's the encore: fatigue, swollen lymph and aches, with high blood glucose (while I was sleeping--what does my body need to do with a glucose of 190 mg/dL while sleeping??) hit again.
so i am home today, missing out on a training session.
i have taken it easy for 2 months. it could very well be that the first year here was a little overdone and my immune system is still fragile. the move and changes in my life alone were quite plenty, augmented by my throwing myself into work and travel.
or it could be that i am allergic to switzerland. :) seems plausible, as this is the third illness (in addition to surgery last summer) that i have had in less than 1 year while here. i did not get sick in denmark like this. took antibiotics for the first time in five years just last month. and we all know that i detest taking meds!! :)
i will have to say this, being single and sick is no fun! i can get pouty and bratty, and i know that is my way of saying "i need to be nurtured". hugs, kind words, a pat on the head usually pulls me out of it. i do miss that part (among many other things!) in a partnership-- love it when the other makes soup and cares for you.
so i pulled on my blessings and reached out to my friends today... they are so wonderful! albeit it was virtual hugs and pats, it helped tremendously. later i will call my dad when he is awake. and my new colleague Jennifer just called to see how i am feeling, along with the group at the training session that i am missing. that was a really nice surprise!
and i made myself soup, granted it was in a packet (too tired to make from scratch, as i prefer to cook and enjoy it...heck, do not have all of the ingredients). i have tons of soup all over the place for moments like these!! veggie, tomate, lentil. and usually i add fresh veggies as well, yet as i am out of veggies i had "naked soup". topped off with a piece of chocolate (not in it!! afterwards!)
now it is time to go back and lie down. i still have the book Xavi loaned me, luckily i have not plowed through it so it should last until tomorrow!
yeps, lie down, read, nap, eat soup, check e mail. rinse and repeat!
question-- how do you manage the encore?
19 October 2008
oops i did it again...
I am beat!
I got in earlier this eve from racing in Dijon. My colleague Alex is a racecar driver, and Xavi and I trekked it up to Dijon to shotgun it for a few laps. Exhilarating! And I wore my CGM (continuous glucose monitor)-- my blood glucose actually went down during the ride. Testimony to how relaxed I was secondary to Alex's extremely competent driving.
So I got home this eve, not in the mood to cook, not in the mood to go out, so I was facing a crossroads. One phone call and 35 minutes later I am in Montreux (I usually end up there, don't I) having dinner with Julian, my bud and the godfather of Glocals. Cooking up plans and outings as always for the group, including a monsterous "cardiac hike" next weekend (god save me!).
Between chicken satay and ribs for starters, three shared dishes for main course and (yes) fried pineapple for moi only, dinner went well and the conversation as always was colourful to say the least. I then drove home, ready to crash when I realised that
...oops I did it again: I ate late and therefore I have to stay up, AGAIN, late to calibrate my CGM!!!
stupid.me.
Just as well, it gives me time to reflect on the day and the good time that I had. And the amazing ride home. On the way to Dijon, we took the standard autoroute, amongst the competition between 2 different GPS systems. The ride home proved my GPS to be the winner (my Danish chick that yells at me) as she routed us through the Jura mountains. One of the most beautiful journeys I have taken indeed.
Ever.
The broccoli headed-like trees were sunkissed at their tops, mother nature's fireworks abound with the changing colours of the leaves, twisty-turny roads (mind you, at times interrupted by crappy drivers on the road in front of us, yet I digress...), medieval villages with waist thin alleys, architecture screaming for a BW shot, and the hillsides of sandstone tempting you to touch was surreal.
All of it.
The digestive of the day was a pit stop to click away at Mont Blanc just south of St. Cerge (yes, the place where I was pooped upon by a cow). Cotton candy wafts of pink light scattered the sky, matched with poignant determined spots of blue, yielding the white greatness of the Mont Blanc in such a beautiful contrast set against the quiet bustle of Nyon below. I had my Casio with me, which did not do the shot justice to say the least. With a few snaps and quick cigarette break, the day came to a close.
Yet the drive to Dijon itself, albeit on the sometimes mind numbing asphalt in comparison to the ride home was pale, I admit the wafe-like moon in the daytime sky, transparently so, winked at us continuously in a curious manner. That too was memorable indeed. And to top it off, I was one step closer to my childhood dream of touching the clouds, as we were driving through cloud billows when crossing a lake (forget where!) on the way to Dijon. Should have pulled over....
question-- when does waiting up pay off?
I got in earlier this eve from racing in Dijon. My colleague Alex is a racecar driver, and Xavi and I trekked it up to Dijon to shotgun it for a few laps. Exhilarating! And I wore my CGM (continuous glucose monitor)-- my blood glucose actually went down during the ride. Testimony to how relaxed I was secondary to Alex's extremely competent driving.
So I got home this eve, not in the mood to cook, not in the mood to go out, so I was facing a crossroads. One phone call and 35 minutes later I am in Montreux (I usually end up there, don't I) having dinner with Julian, my bud and the godfather of Glocals. Cooking up plans and outings as always for the group, including a monsterous "cardiac hike" next weekend (god save me!).
Between chicken satay and ribs for starters, three shared dishes for main course and (yes) fried pineapple for moi only, dinner went well and the conversation as always was colourful to say the least. I then drove home, ready to crash when I realised that
...oops I did it again: I ate late and therefore I have to stay up, AGAIN, late to calibrate my CGM!!!
stupid.me.
Just as well, it gives me time to reflect on the day and the good time that I had. And the amazing ride home. On the way to Dijon, we took the standard autoroute, amongst the competition between 2 different GPS systems. The ride home proved my GPS to be the winner (my Danish chick that yells at me) as she routed us through the Jura mountains. One of the most beautiful journeys I have taken indeed.
Ever.
The broccoli headed-like trees were sunkissed at their tops, mother nature's fireworks abound with the changing colours of the leaves, twisty-turny roads (mind you, at times interrupted by crappy drivers on the road in front of us, yet I digress...), medieval villages with waist thin alleys, architecture screaming for a BW shot, and the hillsides of sandstone tempting you to touch was surreal.
All of it.
The digestive of the day was a pit stop to click away at Mont Blanc just south of St. Cerge (yes, the place where I was pooped upon by a cow). Cotton candy wafts of pink light scattered the sky, matched with poignant determined spots of blue, yielding the white greatness of the Mont Blanc in such a beautiful contrast set against the quiet bustle of Nyon below. I had my Casio with me, which did not do the shot justice to say the least. With a few snaps and quick cigarette break, the day came to a close.
Yet the drive to Dijon itself, albeit on the sometimes mind numbing asphalt in comparison to the ride home was pale, I admit the wafe-like moon in the daytime sky, transparently so, winked at us continuously in a curious manner. That too was memorable indeed. And to top it off, I was one step closer to my childhood dream of touching the clouds, as we were driving through cloud billows when crossing a lake (forget where!) on the way to Dijon. Should have pulled over....
question-- when does waiting up pay off?
16 October 2008
wired yet tired...
Yeps, almost weekend!
So today was a rather interestingly long yet short day. I spent the day fighting hypos to the point I went home to sleep it off. I popped on a continuous glucose monitor this afternoon as the safety net, which requires a calibration (via a fingerprick) every 12 hours. And, only after 2 hours after finishing a meal at minimum.
As I am writing this, I am ready to go lie down, for I am
...wired yet tired: not quite ready to go to bed, yet certainly not ready to rock out the eve.
Of course I long to grab a book (best sleeping pill!), yet as I have just got in from eating fab fondue with my colleagues, I have realised that I need to stay awake for at least 1 hour more (ie 1230am minimum!!) to calibrate again.
Why wait?
Well, silly me, instead of lugging the glucose meter along to dinner to check at 8pm (which means next calibration is at 8am tomorrow, with the reminder alarm going off at 7am, the time I know for sure that I will be awake), I opted to check after getting up this afternoon.
At 5:30pm.
Which means next calibration is at 5:30am.
Usually no prob, as I start my lazy morning of breakfast-tea-reading-meditation-writing-napping-read-some-more-oh-god-time-to-get-in-the-shower routine at 6am.
Yet my reminder will go off at 4:30am... crappy timing!!!
So I am at a crossroads-- stay up until at least 12:30am to calibrate, therefore sleep in if the mood strikes (or the body demands it)... or crash now risking a buzzing, screaming alarm at 4:30am.
Huh. Guess I better plan this better the next time around!
So weekend is almost here and it finds me taking it easy. Friday night is curl up with a book, thanks to Xavier for lending me book 2 of "The year in the Merde". I really enjoyed the first one! That and some wine. Saturday finds me moving my solo "sexy sunday brunch" to that morning, as Sunday will have me on the road to Dijon to hit the racetrack with my colleague Alex. I guess I could catch up on some zzz's then as Xavier is driving.
Or I could keep writing here to stay awake...
question-- how do you escape the wired?
So today was a rather interestingly long yet short day. I spent the day fighting hypos to the point I went home to sleep it off. I popped on a continuous glucose monitor this afternoon as the safety net, which requires a calibration (via a fingerprick) every 12 hours. And, only after 2 hours after finishing a meal at minimum.
As I am writing this, I am ready to go lie down, for I am
...wired yet tired: not quite ready to go to bed, yet certainly not ready to rock out the eve.
Of course I long to grab a book (best sleeping pill!), yet as I have just got in from eating fab fondue with my colleagues, I have realised that I need to stay awake for at least 1 hour more (ie 1230am minimum!!) to calibrate again.
Why wait?
Well, silly me, instead of lugging the glucose meter along to dinner to check at 8pm (which means next calibration is at 8am tomorrow, with the reminder alarm going off at 7am, the time I know for sure that I will be awake), I opted to check after getting up this afternoon.
At 5:30pm.
Which means next calibration is at 5:30am.
Usually no prob, as I start my lazy morning of breakfast-tea-reading-meditation-writing-napping-read-some-more-oh-god-time-to-get-in-the-shower routine at 6am.
Yet my reminder will go off at 4:30am... crappy timing!!!
So I am at a crossroads-- stay up until at least 12:30am to calibrate, therefore sleep in if the mood strikes (or the body demands it)... or crash now risking a buzzing, screaming alarm at 4:30am.
Huh. Guess I better plan this better the next time around!
So weekend is almost here and it finds me taking it easy. Friday night is curl up with a book, thanks to Xavier for lending me book 2 of "The year in the Merde". I really enjoyed the first one! That and some wine. Saturday finds me moving my solo "sexy sunday brunch" to that morning, as Sunday will have me on the road to Dijon to hit the racetrack with my colleague Alex. I guess I could catch up on some zzz's then as Xavier is driving.
Or I could keep writing here to stay awake...
question-- how do you escape the wired?
06 October 2008
it's complicated...
i was just readying for bed when Julian called.
he and his gal split on Friday eve. add to that my other friend Gabriel and his gal split as well.
getting into the details is not important. japanese culture pinnacles itself on what is not said, hence let's leave it to filling in the blanks.
chatting with Julian briefly made me chuckle a bit, thinking of the FaceBook choise on relationships that gives you the opportunity to list it as
... it's complicated: better left unsaid by saying so.
i find it interesting how some tend to repeat the same cycles in relationships. it seems many go after the same type of person, only to end up going through the same hell as before. Julian... are you reflecting? :)
my thoughts are that each person comes into our lives to challenge us to grow. everyone has a gift for us, only if we look past our needs, our ego self and wants to see it. i choose to see the gift in everyone (as best as i can... i am human afterall) and focus on the present. i have found that not being tied to a particular outcome has been helpful as well.
is everything complicated?
it does not have to be, it is all a matter of perspective, setting expectations, not being tied to a particular outcome, living in the present, seeing the gift and being gracious.
methinks the mediation has worked well!
at the end of the day, yes, there is someone out there for us. put it out in the universe, choose from desire (not from a need or want!) and let it do the work for you. and try not to focus on the end result, it is the journey that matters most. focusing on what we have, as opposed to what we do not have, helps as well.
i am not sure why i am even writing about this to be honest... maybe it is a dovetail of the emotionally exhausting week i had last week. maybe i sense that the world needs a bit of perspective as things are perceivably crashing down (real estate, stock markets). i am not sure... i am pretty connected to the collective conscious, which has its advantages and drawbacks, only depending on how it is used. or it could very well be that this is my safe spot to land for now.
ok, i am getting rather philosophical so i should probably grab my book and go to bed! :)
question-- how do you (un)complicate?
he and his gal split on Friday eve. add to that my other friend Gabriel and his gal split as well.
getting into the details is not important. japanese culture pinnacles itself on what is not said, hence let's leave it to filling in the blanks.
chatting with Julian briefly made me chuckle a bit, thinking of the FaceBook choise on relationships that gives you the opportunity to list it as
... it's complicated: better left unsaid by saying so.
i find it interesting how some tend to repeat the same cycles in relationships. it seems many go after the same type of person, only to end up going through the same hell as before. Julian... are you reflecting? :)
my thoughts are that each person comes into our lives to challenge us to grow. everyone has a gift for us, only if we look past our needs, our ego self and wants to see it. i choose to see the gift in everyone (as best as i can... i am human afterall) and focus on the present. i have found that not being tied to a particular outcome has been helpful as well.
is everything complicated?
it does not have to be, it is all a matter of perspective, setting expectations, not being tied to a particular outcome, living in the present, seeing the gift and being gracious.
methinks the mediation has worked well!
at the end of the day, yes, there is someone out there for us. put it out in the universe, choose from desire (not from a need or want!) and let it do the work for you. and try not to focus on the end result, it is the journey that matters most. focusing on what we have, as opposed to what we do not have, helps as well.
i am not sure why i am even writing about this to be honest... maybe it is a dovetail of the emotionally exhausting week i had last week. maybe i sense that the world needs a bit of perspective as things are perceivably crashing down (real estate, stock markets). i am not sure... i am pretty connected to the collective conscious, which has its advantages and drawbacks, only depending on how it is used. or it could very well be that this is my safe spot to land for now.
ok, i am getting rather philosophical so i should probably grab my book and go to bed! :)
question-- how do you (un)complicate?
02 October 2008
clinging in the throes...
ah, nothing like a thursday night with my head buried in Kelley's Textbook of Internal Medicine!!
what got me here?
i was at the doc's a few days ago, routine visit and what not, and she ordered a few standard tests. of course, as i always participate in my care and protocol (i have learned!!) is very country dependent, i asked her if she made calls if a certain test came within a certain range. she looks at me, and replies that "oh, that test is not used anymore. we do..." and i realised that the world has spun past me in a matter of 3 years.
i got curious. things have changed. just like at the office. just like life each minute.
so tonight to satiate my curiosity (and to see if i really have lost my marbles) i pulled out my med books to investigate. oops, they are 5 years old, the human body does not change, yet diagnostic tests and procedures regularly do. i felt a little lost, understanding that while looking in my backboned paper friends, i was
...clinging in the throes: of change.
and when this happens, i have learned to take a step back and slow down. and look around me to appreciate what is there with gratitude.
change is just... simply...change.
and interestingly, we as humans seem to be thrown off when it happens, yet it happens each minute of each day. i view it as something that adds beauty to life, yet admit that at times i view it other that something that "just is".
and i have no idea why i am writing about this, could be reflective of my mood as the day was challenging....
consistency breeds a certain amount of comfort.
for me, when things are whirling at the speed of light, my indication and "hinting" of resistance to change (hence the need to seek what is perceived as comfort) manifests in several ways:
- the urge to run back to medical school
- the need to move into a new place or buy a home
- compelled to change jobs
- the desire to throw everything out
it is like i am trying to find my sense of "home"... belonging... like what i have right now does not "fit".
doing the very things that i am used to doing or need in order to feel centered. when this happens, and when i am aware (which is most of the time) i know it is time to take a step back, slow down and relax.
our office space got displaced last minute with major changes. differentiating between squamocolumar epithelial cells and degree of dysplasia is no longer 1a and 1b. (hell i have no idea what it is now, have to google it). we were to get rain today and it never showed.
it is normal to cling onto something familar when times (and ourselves) are uncertain. after all, feeling grounded is comforting, familiarity reminds us that we are indeed in control. it our "safe place to land" when there is nowhere (or no one) to turn to.
change equates a sense of loss of control and pushes the comfort zones. hey, growing pains are never easy!
and as i am writing this, this very minute, the rain has started to pour. hmm!
and i am reminded that the universe is still spinning, heeding and creating. thanks to change!
and change is, well, just change. i just got off the phone with julian, and he says that the rain is in montreux, which means there is a possibility of snow. could be perceived as "bad" for us, as our group is to go hiking on sunday into the caves (cool!) followed by a picnic (glocals standard!).
this equals cancelling the trip should it persist into saturday. or.... as we agreed, spinning the plans into an afternoon at Levey les Bains, soaking in the springs. as all things, it works out!
so now it is off to bed to read and reflect...
question: what is your "hint"?
what got me here?
i was at the doc's a few days ago, routine visit and what not, and she ordered a few standard tests. of course, as i always participate in my care and protocol (i have learned!!) is very country dependent, i asked her if she made calls if a certain test came within a certain range. she looks at me, and replies that "oh, that test is not used anymore. we do..." and i realised that the world has spun past me in a matter of 3 years.
i got curious. things have changed. just like at the office. just like life each minute.
so tonight to satiate my curiosity (and to see if i really have lost my marbles) i pulled out my med books to investigate. oops, they are 5 years old, the human body does not change, yet diagnostic tests and procedures regularly do. i felt a little lost, understanding that while looking in my backboned paper friends, i was
...clinging in the throes: of change.
and when this happens, i have learned to take a step back and slow down. and look around me to appreciate what is there with gratitude.
change is just... simply...change.
and interestingly, we as humans seem to be thrown off when it happens, yet it happens each minute of each day. i view it as something that adds beauty to life, yet admit that at times i view it other that something that "just is".
and i have no idea why i am writing about this, could be reflective of my mood as the day was challenging....
consistency breeds a certain amount of comfort.
for me, when things are whirling at the speed of light, my indication and "hinting" of resistance to change (hence the need to seek what is perceived as comfort) manifests in several ways:
- the urge to run back to medical school
- the need to move into a new place or buy a home
- compelled to change jobs
- the desire to throw everything out
it is like i am trying to find my sense of "home"... belonging... like what i have right now does not "fit".
doing the very things that i am used to doing or need in order to feel centered. when this happens, and when i am aware (which is most of the time) i know it is time to take a step back, slow down and relax.
our office space got displaced last minute with major changes. differentiating between squamocolumar epithelial cells and degree of dysplasia is no longer 1a and 1b. (hell i have no idea what it is now, have to google it). we were to get rain today and it never showed.
it is normal to cling onto something familar when times (and ourselves) are uncertain. after all, feeling grounded is comforting, familiarity reminds us that we are indeed in control. it our "safe place to land" when there is nowhere (or no one) to turn to.
change equates a sense of loss of control and pushes the comfort zones. hey, growing pains are never easy!
and as i am writing this, this very minute, the rain has started to pour. hmm!
and i am reminded that the universe is still spinning, heeding and creating. thanks to change!
and change is, well, just change. i just got off the phone with julian, and he says that the rain is in montreux, which means there is a possibility of snow. could be perceived as "bad" for us, as our group is to go hiking on sunday into the caves (cool!) followed by a picnic (glocals standard!).
this equals cancelling the trip should it persist into saturday. or.... as we agreed, spinning the plans into an afternoon at Levey les Bains, soaking in the springs. as all things, it works out!
so now it is off to bed to read and reflect...
question: what is your "hint"?
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