more time...

I am so happy that we get *Grey’s Anatomy* here in DK. I enjoy it very much, and look forward to my quiet Monday evening alone, blogging, writing, thinking, and finishing the evening with a good episode.

Last week delivered, as always, another episode that leaves you thinking. Meredith Grey, the main character, narrates the episode throughout and always ends it with a few thoughts as they pan in on the characters. She spoke of how “all that we ever want is

...more time: time to stand up, time to grow up, time to let go…

time”.

And it struck me, for I still have wonderful days sprinkled with sad moments. I had to pat myself on the back, for I am waking each day regardless of the pain.

For once I did not chase, giving in to the little girl. I stood up as a woman. And in doing so I was able to create the distance needed to grow, and hence the space to let go. Of course in letting go I am wrought with sadness, joy, anger and hopefulness. As time passes the healing slowly takes place and letting go, for now, as a process shall open my eyes.

On the flip—what if there was more time to fight? More time to develop with another?

As I was looking over my shoulder so briefly last weekend, while riding the train and tram as the sun sparkled with renewed hope, I wished inside that I had more time. More time to love, more time to grow, more time to give… I sat at a kitchen table fervently writing away, trying to encapsulate in the few minutes left all I had to give. Attempting to pack in everything that is me, in a handful of moments and words, and of course that is impossible to do. I miss my soulmate so…

To only have more time… to..

dance salsa together to Spanish Harlem. Go out as one. Love one another. Celebrate. Shop. Cook. Watch movies. Continue our kissing at every turn. Ride the tram. Fly to one another. Live. Breathe. Love. Enjoy. Cultivate. Bond. Grow. Accept one another. Become one. Listen to Tina Dico. Oh I wish we had more time…

Then I gave in, or rather surrendered and accepted that no matter what there is never enough time, and if the other is not willing to fight as well, slamming everything into a short period is nearly futile. The gift of us cannot be appreciated in a snippet.

That is why I give, we never have enough time. Even more of a reason to live life to the fullest, loving ourselves and those around us, never fearing who we are, what we have to give to this world and choosing to stop running.

Even though at times it hurts, that recoil from love lost after giving, I have to remember Addie’s comment that it is worthwhile to do so, for that is the essence of living. And to remember that when together with our soulmate, we should treat time so preciously, giving our all, and if our soulmate chooses otherwise it is time to let go. For now.

question: when is your finest hour?