...so close

Still in my process, looking back at what has transpired over the past five days and learning how to get a grip while keeping the beauty of life on fire.

Love is an amazing experience. It offers insight and opportunities for growth for both involved, only if each take the offering. And the signal is strong, it is when you get the feeling of fright and flight, and at that point you must make a choice, especially when you get

…so close: you get confused.

When this hits, it is time to take a step back and listen to your inner voice. The confusion is the signal—it is the little girl or boy inside that is screaming “I do not know how to love, I do not know how to accept love and I am so scared…”

This comes from our upbringing, ingrained from others who were supposed to love us unconditionally but did not know how. It is the parent who can only show how they care by the disdain of your experiences growing up, the only way they know how to say “I love you and I care.” We are all functionally dysfunctional, and when we realize this, we have to make the choice to listen and heal, or run.

Remember when you were little? What were the words of comfort? When you got hurt, was it a “come here my dear, let’s mend this together”, or “you should have known better to ____”? If we are trained over the years with the latter, we associate being loved with pain, rejection and a lack of acknowledgement. So of course as we get older we chase that love and acceptance by running—whether it be from relationship to relationship, feeling needed to the point that we jump into anything or move constantly. And we wake up one day and see that we cannot alleviate that pain, the constant desire to be loved and accepted when we look into the eyes of someone we love and realize that we cannot give, that we see their sparkle and know we do not know how to accept it. Time to make a choice. Stay –or-run-or-walk away a bit to heal and return.

The best course is to step back, take advantage of hearing our little one inside screaming, embrace him or her, love them, acknowledge them, build trust and ask for forgiveness. When these steps are taken we over time are ready to return to the one who loves us truly, deeply, unconditionally, so that we can continue our loving journey as destined—by two.

On the flip—what if the person we love hits this stage and they must walk away and heal? What do we do in the interim? What if they do not choose to heal, or are too afraid to take the journey of healing?

Love them as you let go. If it is meant to be, they will return. The love you have to give will be better appreciated and reciprocated when they return. It will be for all better. And in the meantime, trust the process. It is happening for a reason, and we have the chance to grow too while the uncertain long goodbye is in motion.

question: what is your confusion?