blowing steam...

As adults we of course get angry, and to me at times the source is anger towards those who hurt us as we grew up by training us to see love as fearful, full of rejection and abandonment. And there are many ways to manage anger—writing, processing, venting. It is unhealthy when we vent our anger through the actions we take with the one who loves us now, particularly with our soulmate—whether passive aggressively through not being responsive, entering destructive behaviour in the relationship by letting our soulmate down, ignoring them—especially if we have not identified its source, the source being the little person inside who has yet to trust our grown up self. And it is even more dangerous when our soulmate does not understand, and we are not willing to work through it. Heck, anger is healthy, the trick is to process and feel it in a healthy way.

It is also important to understand our anger, meaning that when we start to let it out—however we do so-- we recognize the motivating factors. The other night I was

…blowing steam: venting about something so simple and innocent to process hurt and anger

and I know why. The subject matter was innocuous—work. And I admitted that I was layering and projecting—I was hurt and angry for many reasons and it had nothing to do with work, and I was still processing the source of my hurt and anger, trying to understand it. I got it out of my system without torturing my soulmate, without acting out towards my soulmate. And I had yet to be able to formulate why I was hurt and feeling angry, so process away on something innocent and frustrating as work.

Plus, I was hurt and am still hurting from the *long goodbye*, that uncertain amount of time, and what I am going through is a tough process. I am still evaluating what has transpired…

On the flip: what if we do not allow ourselves to get angry? What if we bottle it up and do not process it?

Carrying anger is lethal. It can allow us to be triggered into a rage, and words can be dangerous when they are thrown out at random, especially at the ones who love us unconditionally—faults, blemishes, joy and sparkle. And it can hold us back in our development, for it can impede self honesty, self understanding, and allow us to treat those who unconditionally love us poorly without understanding why we do what we do.

Abagail van Buren captures the essence of depression (yes, I know... go ahead and say it, I DO read Dear Abby!)-- depression is the direct result of anger turned inward. Anger at ourselves, the anger that we carry towards those that loved us the only way they knew how yet unfortunately with pain-- and we carry it inside, never expressing it nor processing it. Instead, we act out in pain, lashing at those who truly love us and run from them, while continually putting ourselves in harm's path trying to rid the pain we endure. A cycle that must be broken in order to love ourselves, allow ourselves to love while able to accept love-- true, unadulterated, unconditional love that accepts our whole being, faults and everything.

So go ahead. Get mad. Get pissed. Then get on the road to happiness and fulfillment! Let the inner child speak to those who rejected and abandoned us, then embrace the inner child, forgive yourself and the inner child, forgive those who hurt us along our path and learn to love yourself. Let the anger set in motion a new direction, choose healthy ways to get it out—write, talk to a trusted friend or even psychotherapist, create, cook, whatever—and then let it go.

question: how do you blow steam?