spiritual connectedness …
It has been a very interesting week, for I am navigating a few things now. I have been put in a holding pattern, and it is ok for now. And I have been doing more soul searching about who I am, what I want out of life, and am thankful that as I was leaving my good frined’s house this morning, I have found my inner peace. I am certain that all the work I have been doing over the past year has resulted in my finding my authentic self, I have rediscovered and recovered me, and that has been in place for a few months now. It is wonderful to affirm that for the past 7 or so months that all my decisions, feelings, thoughts are reflective of me and my desires, not driven by some crazy need to be accepted, loved or validated. Everything for over 7 months has been coming from a healthy place!
Knowing this, the little girl inside too is at peace, and she has been for quite some time. So I know that when I have thoughts, feelings she is not panicking. She is resting quietly. Yet as I went into the kitchen, I started to shake, emotions were intense inside and I know they are not mine. Just to be sure, I checked my blood glucose to rule out a possible low blood sugar. BG’s are perfect. Then I realized that now, more than ever, there is a definite
…spiritual connectedness: with someone, that is in my soul and heart, and I feel that person and what they are going through this very moment
and what I am picking up is intense.
It is wonderful to be so connected to someone, even when the waters are dark, murky and difficult to navigate. One thing I have learned, and at my nail appointment last week it was reaffirmed by Mette, that life is best when there is two. She is so right.
Yet that connectedness can be a scary thing, especially when deep inside both know there is a fit. We wander throughout life searching for ourselves, searching for someone, and only when we find our authentic self are we truly ready for the connectedness that we have longed.
On the flip—once we have that connectedness, why is it that some seemingly run from it? Is it that we feel we do not deserve it? Or is it a case of *careful what you ask for, you just might get it?* Could it be that we all need to go through this process to truly appreciate what we have, so that we can genuinely know what we could have lost?
The answers, interestingly, are in a song that I heard that evening to the soundtrack of *Garden State*…
drink up, baby downmmm, are you in or are you out?leave your things behind'cause it's all going off without you.excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedythese mishapsyou bubble wrapwhen you've no idea what you're like.so let go, jump inoh well, whatcha waiting for?it's alright,'cause there's beauty in the breakdown.so let go, just get in…oh, it's so amazing here.it's alright,'cause there's beauty in the breakdown.it gains the more it givesand then it rises with the fall.so hand me that remotecan't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow?such boundless pleasure…we've no time for later now.you can't await your own arrivalyou've 20 seconds to comply.so let go, jump inoh well, whatcha waiting for?it's alright,'cause there's beauty in the breakdown.so let go, just get in…oh, it's so amazing here.it's alright'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
My thoughts are, and I agree with the song, that it is a process— to me, the breakdown is that point where we feel our fears and are about to walk away. A hard process, painful indeed, to the point that you can feel one another when you are miles apart—you engage in the spiritual connectedness. And then you know… they are the one—that pain to bring you there is the breakdown. The next step is, go for it. Appreciate what you are losing and go for it. Life without them, in the end, is not worth it, for as Mette stated, life should be navigated by two. Unless, if one cannot, then go back to the flip, find the answer, and step up to the plate.
question: what is your breakdown?
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8 comments:
Way to go, jen. We're with you! Good that the little girl inside is back on track :o)
"Como la semilla
Leeva nueva vida
Hay en esta primavera una nueva era"
(Santana, Supernatural)
thanks a ton! it is hard and you know what is going on... this is tough!
and thank you for the words, the last line is so true *there is in this spring a new era* all coming like a planted seed!
:)
I reverted to this post by you because I am a little sad. Because as I now am leaving some really great people and won't be seeing them for a long time. Perhaps never again?
The spiritual connectedness is definately there, for some more than others. But of course not at the level you were/are feeling towards the someone you are referring to.
Saying goodbye is not one of my strongest sides, and I sometimes think it is better to not get yourself too much connected to people you are going to leave again, or who will leave you. It hurts too much.
On the other hand, isn't it just so rewarding when you have that connection?
And going back to the song, a new spring does leave another year behind. With past experiences and people who may have enriched your life, but who you may not see again. As I sometimes say life is a series of events, not a journey. Or a journey with lots of u-turns and no real final destination.
;o)
It is amazing that both you and I have engaged in good byes at the same time... and I too have been evaluating *is it work the risk to love, become connected, only to possibly lose in the end...*
I say yes, even though I am in so much pain... I look at this part of the process as the frost of winter-- time to regroup, nurture and get ready to grow again shortly.
As for good byes, we never really know how long they are for, if it is transient or permanent. I think that the uncertainty is what makes it virtually unbearable at times.
Of course it is worth it. I know. And you do too. It is only that the goodbye can feel so draining of your strengths. And that wasn't a winking smiley in case you were wondering...
But here some days after I get to thinking that the alternative would be to not engage at all, with the lack of experiences and love from others that will be the result. You probably know people who do not engage/commit. What do they have but themselves?
And also - again as the song - there are other things waiting for you. In my case old things. Good things! I mean, whatever you come back to, if you've committed yourself before than they will be committed to you as well. Como una nueva verano
:o)
Yes, a new summer indeed I am looking forward to, from a spiritual perspective! And I was thinking over the wekend how I needed the frost to seal me in, so that I can heal. And I was right, for as I walked out the door Monday morning after an emotionally draining few days, the snow began to fall.
I am glad that I am willig to be connected. It is another testament to my well being. As you said, that long goodbye is painful, especially when we connect with someone who all of a sudden becomes frightened and realizes that they have work to do. And we feel left behind, devastated... yet like all things after winter, we will break through the soil renewed.
On the other hand, then there are people, friends, that you can be away from for years. But who are still there when opportunity to see each other comes around.
And other people that you see every day, but who are strangers.
What I am getting at I think, about the spiritual connectedness, is that it is strong. And that it is a 2 way street. I mean, would people want to keep the connectedness only out of a kind heart? No, it is giving.
So I guess I should remember that what people can give me I must be able to repay. The seed and harvest :o) And that a goodbye can perhaps spark a different way of connectedness.
I have friends back home, whom I haven't spoken with in a couple of years, who I see when I get home and it is like yesterday...
The long goodbye is a source of healing, and I agree a chance for connectedness-- when both are ready.
Yet I did not want to break it, but had to do so-- for you are correct in that it is a two way street. And it has to be on equal footing, therefore friendship now would have been difficult. Connectedness is tough when both are not at the same level-- and it can be worth sticking it out, yet I have learned that it requires that both are committed to fight for it. One alone cannot go into battle for sustaining love and connectedness.
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