the seeds...

Relationships are tricky at times, are they not? Sometimes we make think too much, not feel enough, not act enough, feel too much, act too much. Only we ourselves know why we are doing what we are doing, meaning behaving the way that we are in the relationship. Regardless, I am learning that to harvest from

…the seeds: of love, fulfilment, joy, passion and all the wonderful things that encompass loving someone in a relationship

you must sow these very seeds into the person first.

A Frenchman back in the early 1990’s gave me a very wise saying. He name is Alain, he owns a wine shop in northern Raleigh, NC and is a colourful character. He took his wine seriously, as all French do, even to the point of flying Beaujoulais Nouveau on a private jet from France, escorting it in a limo to the store as we awaited with a wonderful dinner to celebrate the coming holiday season.

*If you do not tend to your garden, someone else will* were the words he gave to my then boyfriend one evening. His words essentially encapsulate this philosophy: if you do not sow seeds of love and attention, kindness, if you do not invest in your partner by communicating your love to them in a way they understand and need, if you do not invest into their garden, you will not be allowed to harvest from it.

For those who are sowing and not seeing the harvest—I say keep sowing. Give it time. Some need a little more time than others to truly understand the power and sincerity of your love, to be comfortable to open up and be vulnerable with you. Even if at first they are there with you in the same way, sometimes it is possible that they may pull back to gain perspective and process what they are feeling—their love is genuine, yet they are scared and frightened. The key here is that it—being the need to have some space to process and understand-- is communicated, otherwise the person who is sowing seeds of love and does not see the reciprocity will become frustrated, sad, hurt and possibly heartbroken.

Also, if you are in a relationship and it is not as it used to be—examine it. If you want your partner to return love, affection the way it was when it started out, we must sow it into them first. Pick up the phone unexpectedly, leave a love note in the briefcase/purse, send a surprise SMS, make a *date*, or give them the space they need-- invest in your love and trust that process. And remember that love is more than words—it is an action, just as sowing is.

Overall, the trick to connectedness is to reciprocate with your partner, regularly invest and sow, so that each harvests from one another and continues to grow, and has the harvest to fuel another round of investment.

On the flip—what if we sow, sow, sow and there is no harvest? What if we invest our all into someone and do not see the returns…how do we know when to stop? How much time is enough time?

Only we can determine that ourselves—there are too many personal motivations, fears, needs that guide our actions and reactions that only we can gauge when it is enough, and whether the person we are sowing into is the right one for us. It may also be that they are not ready for us to sow in their garden, they are not ready to open up and be vulnerable, not just yet, for they are still in the process of facing their self honesty. And it can also be that they are not ready to take the vulnerable risk of sowing into our garden. That is where communicating openly comes in handy and is essential, as well as trusting the process.

When we communicate actively our needs, fears, wishes, desires openly while loving with action throughout this entire process— sowing, investing—we will have the opportunity to grow together and enjoy the bounty of the harvest.

question: what and how do you sow?