she screams...

Have you ever felt so free, unleashed to take on the world, that you somehow, somewhere spend your energy and cannot seem to account for it? I have had that experience over the past few days, and it is due to an amazing pilot effect I have not encountered before. One that touches the soul, freeing the girl inside, the one that has curiously peeked out over the past few months who at first was afraid, then mildly timid. It is as if

…she screams: from within to show her authentic self

in the world’s demanding presence for yet another show.

As I wrote my first entry when I decided to start sharing my personal diary of thoughts, I was in the beginning stages of a growth process that is refreshing. And as I developed our conversation over the past month, the concept of a normalcy of silence arose. Where everything is settled, and the entropy ceases for a bit, only to be encountered by that silence. The unexplainable, sometimes unsettling… silence.

Yet these past few weeks have been peaceful, and I have met a new silence, where the girl inside is out, free, and brave with a renewed spirit. When I first got here in DK, everything was so new and exciting. Yet as you find more time passes in a new culture, you can become afraid, lose yourself, and out of nowhere you do not even recognize yourself. At the same time you know that you cannot go back home, for you have changed. Maybe not into the person that you would like to be, and possibly a stones throw from who you should be, yet nevertheless you are just not the same. And then, when you least expect it, you turn that corner, finding remnants of the person you left behind, only to have a strong resolve to build upon and develop the authentic self that sat on the shelf for a while.

I have found her, am cultivating her, and where before the silence of normalcy would be deafening, this time I find peace. I do not even know how to explain it. Maybe I am not supposed to know why, just trust the process and see where it takes me.

Essentially I have experienced the *flip side* of the silent normalcy, the one that Peder referred to in a comment earlier. And I look forward to the next round of entropy, to see how the growth during this silent normalcy will play… I have a feeling that I am more balanced and will take things in stride.

question: when do you scream?