clinging in the throes...

ah, nothing like a thursday night with my head buried in Kelley's Textbook of Internal Medicine!!

what got me here?

i was at the doc's a few days ago, routine visit and what not, and she ordered a few standard tests. of course, as i always participate in my care and protocol (i have learned!!) is very country dependent, i asked her if she made calls if a certain test came within a certain range. she looks at me, and replies that "oh, that test is not used anymore. we do..." and i realised that the world has spun past me in a matter of 3 years.

i got curious. things have changed. just like at the office. just like life each minute.

so tonight to satiate my curiosity (and to see if i really have lost my marbles) i pulled out my med books to investigate. oops, they are 5 years old, the human body does not change, yet diagnostic tests and procedures regularly do. i felt a little lost, understanding that while looking in my backboned paper friends, i was

...clinging in the throes: of change.

and when this happens, i have learned to take a step back and slow down. and look around me to appreciate what is there with gratitude.

change is just... simply...change.

and interestingly, we as humans seem to be thrown off when it happens, yet it happens each minute of each day. i view it as something that adds beauty to life, yet admit that at times i view it other that something that "just is".

and i have no idea why i am writing about this, could be reflective of my mood as the day was challenging....

consistency breeds a certain amount of comfort.

for me, when things are whirling at the speed of light, my indication and "hinting" of resistance to change (hence the need to seek what is perceived as comfort) manifests in several ways:

- the urge to run back to medical school
- the need to move into a new place or buy a home
- compelled to change jobs
- the desire to throw everything out

it is like i am trying to find my sense of "home"... belonging... like what i have right now does not "fit".

doing the very things that i am used to doing or need in order to feel centered. when this happens, and when i am aware (which is most of the time) i know it is time to take a step back, slow down and relax.

our office space got displaced last minute with major changes. differentiating between squamocolumar epithelial cells and degree of dysplasia is no longer 1a and 1b. (hell i have no idea what it is now, have to google it). we were to get rain today and it never showed.

it is normal to cling onto something familar when times (and ourselves) are uncertain. after all, feeling grounded is comforting, familiarity reminds us that we are indeed in control. it our "safe place to land" when there is nowhere (or no one) to turn to.

change equates a sense of loss of control and pushes the comfort zones. hey, growing pains are never easy!

and as i am writing this, this very minute, the rain has started to pour. hmm!

and i am reminded that the universe is still spinning, heeding and creating. thanks to change!

and change is, well, just change. i just got off the phone with julian, and he says that the rain is in montreux, which means there is a possibility of snow. could be perceived as "bad" for us, as our group is to go hiking on sunday into the caves (cool!) followed by a picnic (glocals standard!).

this equals cancelling the trip should it persist into saturday. or.... as we agreed, spinning the plans into an afternoon at Levey les Bains, soaking in the springs. as all things, it works out!

so now it is off to bed to read and reflect...

question: what is your "hint"?