I just love the holidays!!!
This past summer, while hopping all over the EU and US (actually from January until August....) I realised that my life in Switzerland was surely to pass by if I kept it up.
I came to understand that yes, I am ready for my life partner and a family, have been for quite some time. Yet I realised that I was still living my life reflecting of just me. Then I decided it was time for
...settling into the nest: creating my life so that Switzerland is home and that my life reflected where I want to go and prepared for what I have asked.
As detailed in the last post (yes, a month ago, I digress) I cleaned house to reflect that I am ready. Half my closet space is open and ready. Half my drawers, half my cave, half the linen closet, half the hall closet. I removed everything that is reflective of who I was and kept everything that reflects who I am at this moment.
While jetting around in August, I had this strong intuitive feeling that I need to stay home for Christmas. Home being Switzerland. Gone are the days of referring to Denmark as home. When I refer to going to the US, it is to visit my family. Home is here.
I am so thankful that I followed through with this. The days of getting nervous that my weekend was empty (and weeknights) and hence travelling have passed. I see now clearly that I was operating from a place of fear, focusing on the fear of being alone, partnerless, without a baby on the way. The fear of not getting time with my now ex boyfriend when I was home. I travelled so much, thinking that the times I was home that he would spend it with me, and he chose otherwise. I got more of the same... more emptiness, times alone.... ugh! I was attracting the very kind of man that I feared, for I was acting out of fear by travelling so much!
It occurred to me (and thanks to Regitze and Rikke for their loving support on 01 November to help me see this) that I was focusing on what I did not have. And when we focus on NOT, we keep getting the same. The universe does not hear 'not', 'no'.
I was not as profusely thankful for what I DO have, and for what is coming my way. I was lacking faith in trusting the process.
I have even pulled myself off web dating services, closed out the like on FB. I know my perfect partner is here, and when it is time for us to discover each other (whether if we already know each other or have yet to meet), the universe will let us know.
I am thankful most minutes, see the good in all things, and am thankful for all the good things that are coming my way.
So I am settled in my nest. Settled to the point that when I think of leaving Switzerland, even for a night, I get homesick. It is a great feeling, especially when I come home to the airport and hop into my car!
I have spent this past holiday so far reading books, walking all over Lausanne to coffee shops for a renverse and a croissant. I have been walking about 4km a day. Sometimes more! And I SMS those who are here to see if they would like to join. My schedule filled up naturally. I am thankful that I now have the attitude of abundance-- there is plenty of time, money and love. And more to come!
I have cooked over 200 cookies, made cakes, cooked dinner, watched movies, met new poeple, had apertiv, snowshoeing, Christmas with a friend and his son. It occurred to me today that I would like another week off, for I am unable to imagine the freedom of coming and going as I please throughout Lausanne to read and sip on a cafe! Then it hit me, yes I can.... Starbucks (yes, I know, yet this is Suisse and the local cafes close at 1800) is open until 2200 or so and I can continue this after work when I get home.
So I am beyond happy. I have room for everything and more! And tomorrow I head to Denmark to visit my 'family' there. I am ok with this. PErfect, actually. As I know that I will be coming home Friday evening!
question-- are you settled?
Cartoon: The Simulacron
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