the key...

Building upon our conversation of how staying with our love is the “greatest adventure of all,” it has struck me that

…the key: to doing so is by not seeking approval

from the one we love. Follow me on this.

Growing up, we seek approval from our parents. It is a simple fact of life. If we do not resolve the underpinning issues of our childhood—particularly those when we are rejected by our parents by not getting their approval and love—we carry it into our adult relationships and seek approval from our mate, or make choices to get the approval of our parents. It is taking the infamous “had you known better you would not have hurt yourself” we heard as we were growing up (instead of “come here, I know you hurt yourself, let me hug you”), and the pain associated with it, and our need to get approval in spite of it, all the way through adulthood and into our relationships. End result= running from our love, our self and our life.

We then *fall in love*, *love* and are NOT able to give in an authentic way and will not allow ourselves to get so close that we could hurt. Why? While growing up, seeking approval and love, we were rejected and hence hurt. We never learned what it would be to make it past that pain, for our parents may have not been able to love us in a pure and unadulterated way.

So, we continue in grown up bodies, never getting close. When we do get close, the child inside of us panics, hits the red button and we as the adult runs. Instead of honouring the panic with self honesty, we in turn create reasons for not being able to stay—have to return home, change jobs, move—whatever the excuse, just as long as we do what we were trained to do when love starts to hurt—run.

No wonder there are so many of us who are broken! Once we are truly loved, our trigger mechanism from the past where we associate love with pain kicks in, and we take off running.

For the first time I did not run, nor did I hang on… in the past I would have, yet he was not ready to go on, and I did not *force* the relationship. My forcing it would have been my inner child trying to cling on to someone who would have hurt me, therefore giving in to my cycle of associating love with pain.

I gave up on seeking approval a long time ago from one parent. And then a few months ago I realized that I did not get to that stage with the other. I worked on it, and it has enabled me to operate approval-seeking-free, and the result? To be able to become close, to love without inhibition and to survive and let go should it not work out.

On the flip—what if we never get to that point where we do not seek approval?

We will continually be in a cycle of self denial, lacking the ability to be self honest, and perpetually heartbroken. Running, running running...

Break the cycle. Accept through self honesty. Forgive. Love.

question: what is your key to fulfillment?