my nakedness...

Continuing from the book that I have read while en route to the States…

As mentioned in my last blog entry, had I read this book when received, it may not have had the impact that it has now. I see it closing the loop on all of the development I have encountered over the past year, similar to an affirmation of who I am and where I am now in my life journey of self understanding, honesty and acceptance. “if I expose

…my nakedness: as a person to you, do not make me feel shame.”

The crux of humanity’s hindrance is shame. Were it not for shame, we could possibly be more open to loving ourselves and others, accepting ourselves and others without fear and the need to be emotionally unavailable (or asking for help!). To get there, shame needs to take a back seat and managed inside before stepping outside and embracing others—without making them feel shame or judgment. It may loop back to not feeling responsible for how others feel as well as not holding others responsible for our feelings. That takes courage and a good dose of self love and worth.

On the flip—what if self worth, acceptance and love is not instilled in us as we grow up? How does one turn the corner in this?

Wanting to turn the corner—to stop the running and self loathing that results in a vicious cycle of depression that can be more intense at times—by ridding the opiate of logic is something that should be chosen. We cannot force anyone to do it. And we are ready when we chose to do so.

Getting there is scary, yet just like a bee sting the pain is temporary… we survive the first bout. Of course at times it is not easy, yet as we grow stronger inside it becomes more manageable and encouraging. The bumps (from my experience) is when we start evolving as beautiful people, those who are around us are not ready for it and may try to hurt us.

It is a scary litmus test because those around us who are not on the same journey may not understand and hence may want to abandon or inflict pain. Even family. It is like they do not want us to change for they feel like we are leaving them behind, so they fight to cling on to the *old* us—the one that participated in linking love with pain, allowing ourselves to be controlled by their emotions and held responsible for said emotions, never living our life, running from our life for we are too busy getting consumed by the negative energy—very akin to withdrawal symptoms. Their drug of *old* us is no longer available.

I have lost friends in this process. I have cut out family in this process. I have learned that I am amazing, kind, loving and worthy. To have the toxic effects of those who want to hold me back, those who do not want to truly understand and love me for who I am… those who try to poison with shame and hold me responsible for how they feel and what they choose to do… will only steer me from my life. My compassion wants them to come around the bend, enjoy and share in who I am, who they can be, yet if they choose not to do so, I do not want to become a part of the carnage.

question: what is your nakedness?