full circle...

Things are changing rapidly here, both personally and professionally. For a hint, just take a look at where I will be within the month, listed as my location on my profile….

The past ten years have been difficult, sprinkled with joy and amazing growth opportunities. I admit that I have taken the tougher path, why I have no idea, yet last Sunday was an indication that I have come

…full circle: with who I am and am healthy and whole. Finally.

Since last August I started a process that was frightening at times, sad, painful. I started to really look in and see who I am, why I picked the guys I have in the past, where my voids were, where the little girl was at the wheel, why I never owned my emotions, felt rejected… on and on and on.

Then this past Sunday I had a feeling that something was not resolved, that I had overlooked something. As some of you know, I have been looking to move to Switzerland for quite some time. Many interviews, a few opportunities, yet things did not seem to fit. Well, I have found a professional fit and am moving. Yet my heart was not in alignment—it was not that I was not ready to do it, yet something was tugging at me and I knew it had something to do with Denmark.

As I was out with my girlfriend at a farm last Sunday, I got a heavy feeling. So deep I had to leave early so that I could get home and think. Spent a few hours searching for what was bugging my heart and figured it out—it was someone who had been under my nose the entire time! It even woke me at 2:30 in the morning that night and I never went back to bed. Things over the past few months started to make sense, all the subtleties, people’s impressions and observations…

Once I made this discovery, several things occurred. First, my heart and mind came in alignment. I realized that had I discovered these feelings any sooner, I would have been operating out of that unhealthy and painful framework. Which means I could face it now-- as opposed to just acting without truly understanding where it was coming from, driven by that old need to be accepted at all costs. Then the slight fears of moving to Switzerland disappeared. Completely.

I *gave in* to what I was feeling rather than fighting and overanalyzing things, yet checked in to be sure that it was coming not from a need to be loved and accepted, but rather from a place where that love is a true gift—no conditions, no expectations, just plain is. It is a gift not only when received yet also when we give it…

And deep in my heart I know that for the first time I am healthy and whole. As for Denmark, well, who knows, yet sometimes we have to leave in order to come back.

On the flip—share this with the other? Or hold it in?

Well, I admit I took the plunge after examining everything and shared what I came to discover. And the beauty of it all is that I did not panic, cling on to the notion and most certainly did not feel rejected. Not at all. That in itself is a testament that I have come full circle.

The little girl inside is finally, finally at peace. The woman is free.

question: what is your gift?