comfortable silence...

Today marks the three year anniversary of when I hopped on a plane, leaving the US and heading for the unknown in Denmark. Something was telling me to not go in April 2004. I remember it vividly. In fact, it was 25 April, outside of my best friend’s house in St. Petersburg, Florida. I was crying. I knew that the person I was going to was not ready for me, and I not he, I knew it. I had this deep feeling that things were not going to be easy. Yet at the same time, another part of me understood that I had just a few more challenges to go and that I had more growing up to do. And even though these past three years have been tough, I am all the better for it. For the first time in my adult life I can sit in

…comfortable silence: no panic, no little person at the wheel, acting and reacting as a grown woman

in all situations. Not feeling attacked. Not feeling let down, abandoned, in pain.

Not to say that I do not have those down days. The work it has taken spiritually to get here has been a painful journey. Yet had I not done the work, I would not be free. I look back and wonder in amazement as to how long I operated from a painful place, how I used to be defensive, scared… oh I could go on. I had not healed from the past.

Had I chosen to leave DK any sooner, I would have been running. And a part of me deep inside knows that I can return one day if I choose. I had to settle things here first, face things here first, and in doing so I have found my authentic self and am whole.

On the flip—what if we do not take that painful journey of self discovery?

I have lived through the results of surviving in pain, unhealed. Not taking the journey means we are not whole and it is impossible to give ourselves completely to another without being whole. Well, we can, but it would be destructive, full of co-dependency and disappointment, where neither can become beautiful human beings.

By the way, you are most brave and I am proud of you. Fearless indeed.

question: what is your path?