settling into the nest...

I just love the holidays!!!

This past summer, while hopping all over the EU and US (actually from January until August....) I realised that my life in Switzerland was surely to pass by if I kept it up.

I came to understand that yes, I am ready for my life partner and a family, have been for quite some time. Yet I realised that I was still living my life reflecting of just me. Then I decided it was time for

...settling into the nest: creating my life so that Switzerland is home and that my life reflected where I want to go and prepared for what I have asked.

As detailed in the last post (yes, a month ago, I digress) I cleaned house to reflect that I am ready. Half my closet space is open and ready. Half my drawers, half my cave, half the linen closet, half the hall closet. I removed everything that is reflective of who I was and kept everything that reflects who I am at this moment.

While jetting around in August, I had this strong intuitive feeling that I need to stay home for Christmas. Home being Switzerland. Gone are the days of referring to Denmark as home. When I refer to going to the US, it is to visit my family. Home is here.

I am so thankful that I followed through with this. The days of getting nervous that my weekend was empty (and weeknights) and hence travelling have passed. I see now clearly that I was operating from a place of fear, focusing on the fear of being alone, partnerless, without a baby on the way. The fear of not getting time with my now ex boyfriend when I was home. I travelled so much, thinking that the times I was home that he would spend it with me, and he chose otherwise. I got more of the same... more emptiness, times alone.... ugh! I was attracting the very kind of man that I feared, for I was acting out of fear by travelling so much!

It occurred to me (and thanks to Regitze and Rikke for their loving support on 01 November to help me see this) that I was focusing on what I did not have. And when we focus on NOT, we keep getting the same. The universe does not hear 'not', 'no'.

I was not as profusely thankful for what I DO have, and for what is coming my way. I was lacking faith in trusting the process.

I have even pulled myself off web dating services, closed out the like on FB. I know my perfect partner is here, and when it is time for us to discover each other (whether if we already know each other or have yet to meet), the universe will let us know.

I am thankful most minutes, see the good in all things, and am thankful for all the good things that are coming my way.

So I am settled in my nest. Settled to the point that when I think of leaving Switzerland, even for a night, I get homesick. It is a great feeling, especially when I come home to the airport and hop into my car!

I have spent this past holiday so far reading books, walking all over Lausanne to coffee shops for a renverse and a croissant. I have been walking about 4km a day. Sometimes more! And I SMS those who are here to see if they would like to join. My schedule filled up naturally. I am thankful that I now have the attitude of abundance-- there is plenty of time, money and love. And more to come!

I have cooked over 200 cookies, made cakes, cooked dinner, watched movies, met new poeple, had apertiv, snowshoeing, Christmas with a friend and his son. It occurred to me today that I would like another week off, for I am unable to imagine the freedom of coming and going as I please throughout Lausanne to read and sip on a cafe! Then it hit me, yes I can.... Starbucks (yes, I know, yet this is Suisse and the local cafes close at 1800) is open until 2200 or so and I can continue this after work when I get home.

So I am beyond happy. I have room for everything and more! And tomorrow I head to Denmark to visit my 'family' there. I am ok with this. PErfect, actually. As I know that I will be coming home Friday evening!

question-- are you settled?

cleaning house...

Yeps, I figured I would pull an Obama tonight and clean house! :)

I got up this morning with the intention of driving to Montreux for ice cream, as I do regularly since the drive is fab and the best place in Suisse for is! is! is Paradise.

Then I got a calling that it is time to start

...cleaning house: getting rid of almost everything and anything to make room for the new and ordered.

I threw out about 7 IKEA bags worth of clothes, donating them. Got rid of old paperwork, filed away the important ones. Made space in my drawers and closets so that there is plenty of room. I was proud when I was able to have 2 drawers in my chest of drawers completely open. Plus 2 shelves in my closet, and both of my closets are half empty. It feels wonderful!

I have about 15 boxes of things that I have been lugging around for a bit in my cave that I need to throw out. I will not even look at what is in it, just throw it and donate it away.

I am giving my Barbie collection to Sophia, as she has 3 daughters.

I will continue doing this all week. I want and need to create space. It makes me happy and is fulfilling, and I am grateful for having the inspiration to do it. I have realised that I am ready for a partner, have been for a long time, including family, and it struck me today that I am not living like I am ready for one! With all of my stuff everywhere, there would not be room for another. So in addition to my cleaning house spiritually over a year ago, it hit me that I need to do it physically as well. Ask, believe, receive!

Now all I need is to find a larger car to carry the boxes away!

question-- what is your 'cleaning house'?

cast your vote...

Many thanks to Tara to sending this!

Click on the link below and

...cast your vote: for the next president of the US.

There is a group of guys in Iceland that created this web site to let the world cast its vote, as there are many voices that are not heard yet are affected by the next leader of the US.

The goal is to get at least 1 million global votes.

So cast yours and be heard.

http://www.iftheworldcouldvote.com/

My ballot, hence vote, was received and signed for on Friday in Florida. And yes, I voted for Obama! There are several witnesses in my office who saw this, including Xavier as I was sitting with him when I was filling out the bubbles. Thanks for lending me the pen!

question: what if you are not heasrd?

long time coming....

The elections in the US are getting closer, about 10 days away.

For the past year, I have kept silent. Until moving to Switzerland, I was heavily involved in US politics. I did a bit of political writing and blogging, analysis for Daily Kos, and even contributed my time to key campaigns by travelling back to the US to help with 72 hour strategic pushes.

Moving to Switzerland I went through a lot of changes that required me to pull back and reduce whatever noise there was in my soul. I was going through many changes, some I anticipated because of my choice, others that I did not even see coming. My world was shook up, for better as I am growing because of this, yet nevertheless it is tough. Especially choosing to go it alone, yet I needed to. My spiritual health depended on it, even though at times I feel that I cannot do it. I am a better person each day for myself and the universe as I am more consciously creating each moment.

So this morning brings me to casting my ballot, reflecting on the elections, this past year, what is going on now and I decided it was a

...long time coming: so I got back into the political writing again just for the morning.

I posted a quick diary on being an American expat, change, the collective conscience and why little things by many is so important. What started it all was that I received a FaceBook post from the Obama campaign about reducing taxes in the US. I got a little riled, as we who are living abroad STILL have to pay tax to the US.

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2008/10/25/44847/973/20/641709

My post was not solution oriented. It was not a rant. I am past these things to a degree. I have learned to let go of many things while learning to hold on to a few. I used to throw myself into the political ring with passion, angst and adrenaline to the point that I could not see. Now I step back and am gracious for what I have, and use quiet patience with everyone who I encounter as my peace.

So I need to head to the post. I have to get my ballot in today so that it is counted... in the state of Florida no less. I lived there in 2000 when the Gore/Bush debacle tore us apart. Ok, we let it, well some of us did. Many of us lost friends in that, yet the beautiful thing was that I found like minded people in the shake up and am thankful for that.

And in writing this, I have realised what brings me more joy. In the past, it was throwing myself full throttle into everything, being a part of the process by shaping it, leading it, pushing it, taking charge.

Now what brings joy to me is watching people enjoy themselves, it really brings a smile to my heart. Yes, I still participate, I like to view my role now in life as one who leads by being a facilitator/coach/supporter/observer, as it also brings me joy to empower people to a higher level of self.

I can still take charge and lead in this way, yet I find it more fulfilling as it feels that it comes from a center of love and wisdom, and empowers me to seek to understand first as opposed to being understood. Essentially, I have chosen this way of leading and taking charge of my life first-- and the rewards are wonderful!

And it allows me to surround myself with amazing people who have strengths and passions in areas where I do not. I love this!

Yet the icing on the cake, the sweetest part of it all (to me) is being blessed to see others enjoy themselves on their journey... I like seeing the essence of someone unfold in front of me and with me, the interactions when many come together.

I long no more to be the center. Instead I choose to float in the ether of beingness. Whether it be mine, with only one person in front of me and with me, or the world of many around me.

question: what have you abandoned for inner peace?

holy bloody s@%*!...

yeps, day 2 of being sick yields more e mail, sleeping and internet surfing!

This will not be very long, yet i saw something in the news that had me screaming, partially in laughter yet mostly in a oh-my-god-you-canNOT-be-serious fashion. i was about to log onto yahoo mail when i saw a heading that made me shout

...holy bloody s@%*: you have got to be kidding............ the tampa bay devil rays........in the world series?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

this is insane!

i lived in the tampa bay area for 7 years. it was my last home in the US before i moved to denmark. i lived in north tampa and in tarpon springs (home to the largest greek population in the world outside of greece), only to land in st. petersburg prior to my departure.

and i remember all the devil ray drama.

i never got it, to be honest. first off, i never really was a fan of baseball. i did grow up going to yankees games, it is more fun in person (better with the beer), yet i never got the fever. i prefer nfl football (ok, i admit, i am a die hard nfl fan!!).

i remember the days where less than 500 people would go to a devil ray game. yeah, i know, i am sounding cynical in all of this, almost brat-like, yet i remember how we thought they would never take off. i am glad to see after all this time they have made it (not as good as the florida marlins making a world series debut after just joining the major leagues, yet i digress...)

we were shocked when they put the stadium in the back-then retiree capital of south florida-- st. petersburg. younger people with families lived in upwards of one hour drive (if lucky with traffic, usually longer) from the stadium. we never understood this. they were the target market.

and getting into st. pete was ok, with the exception of poorly marked directions, even though tropicana field was h.u.g.e and could not be missed.

and that afterwards there was not really any place to go to celebrate. which really was not a problem, actually, as the devil rays always got beat.

and tailgating before the games was tough as the parking was not sufficiently ambient to do so.

yet i am reflecting on the st. pete that i knew in 1997 when i first arrived from the olympic city of atlanta, georgia. st. pete was still a retirement capital, yet under the surface things were brewing. the race riots helped, albeit for a while it was really tense in the city. it brought needed tension to the surface to set change into motion.

by the time i left in 2004, st. pete was (and is) amazing now-- more balanced in a diverse way. the artsy community took over a section, and now it boasts cosy cafes and jazz bars.

the gay-borhood between 7th and 22nd ave is very cool-- the key largo styled older homes are being refurbished and there is a vibe unparallel there in comparison to the rest of the area. i remember when my best friend jamie and her now hubby bought a home there, only to be greeted by a gay couple who was soooo excited to have the first straight couple on the block!

and it brings back memories of the first time i drove to st. pete in the fall of 1997 and got lost behind children's hospital... where i saw an eagle walking on the road and i almost hit it.

which triggers my memories of the fab christmas bashes that dr. guerrier would throw for about 500 people, faithfully every year (he is now on his 24th one!). as he is from the carribean, the food was from the region as well as the band. although i could never stomach the green curried goat. yet dancing the night away until 4am always brings a smile to my face as i remember the people, my friends, the smells of christmas at dr. g's.

as i am writing this, i am glad for the process. from near cynicism to appreciation and gratuity. i do not want to overlook the special times from years ago, nor forget them.

i have not been back since 2006. most of my friends have moved on and disappeared from the area with an exception of a handful. some have started their own families, others children are more grown than when i last saw them. yet the beauty of it all is that life is changing and evolving... very cool indeed.

and oops, this was longer than intended, yet so helpful...

i now can smell the salt laden winds of the gulf, feel the dew kissed grass in between my toes, as the last snap of light from the sun setting into the horizon quickly flashes green before going to sleep in the sea.

life is beautiful.

question-- what puts gratuity in your heart?

ugh, it's the encore...

happy wednesday!

even better, it is topped off with rain and i am home sick...again!

i knew it when i headed out monday night. i was standing in the kitchen debating if i should catch up with my best friend Nikki. she arranged an apero at Darling and quite a few people were dropping out. i hate to fall back on my committments, try to avoid doing it at all costs. yet my body begged no, i debated it and countered with "only 1.5 hours". which i faithfully adhered to as it was my committment to myself and my body and was home in bed asleep by 23:00.

then at lunch yesterday it started to hit

...ugh, it's the encore: fatigue, swollen lymph and aches, with high blood glucose (while I was sleeping--what does my body need to do with a glucose of 190 mg/dL while sleeping??) hit again.

so i am home today, missing out on a training session.

i have taken it easy for 2 months. it could very well be that the first year here was a little overdone and my immune system is still fragile. the move and changes in my life alone were quite plenty, augmented by my throwing myself into work and travel.

or it could be that i am allergic to switzerland. :) seems plausible, as this is the third illness (in addition to surgery last summer) that i have had in less than 1 year while here. i did not get sick in denmark like this. took antibiotics for the first time in five years just last month. and we all know that i detest taking meds!! :)

i will have to say this, being single and sick is no fun! i can get pouty and bratty, and i know that is my way of saying "i need to be nurtured". hugs, kind words, a pat on the head usually pulls me out of it. i do miss that part (among many other things!) in a partnership-- love it when the other makes soup and cares for you.

so i pulled on my blessings and reached out to my friends today... they are so wonderful! albeit it was virtual hugs and pats, it helped tremendously. later i will call my dad when he is awake. and my new colleague Jennifer just called to see how i am feeling, along with the group at the training session that i am missing. that was a really nice surprise!

and i made myself soup, granted it was in a packet (too tired to make from scratch, as i prefer to cook and enjoy it...heck, do not have all of the ingredients). i have tons of soup all over the place for moments like these!! veggie, tomate, lentil. and usually i add fresh veggies as well, yet as i am out of veggies i had "naked soup". topped off with a piece of chocolate (not in it!! afterwards!)

now it is time to go back and lie down. i still have the book Xavi loaned me, luckily i have not plowed through it so it should last until tomorrow!

yeps, lie down, read, nap, eat soup, check e mail. rinse and repeat!

question-- how do you manage the encore?

oops i did it again...

I am beat!

I got in earlier this eve from racing in Dijon. My colleague Alex is a racecar driver, and Xavi and I trekked it up to Dijon to shotgun it for a few laps. Exhilarating! And I wore my CGM (continuous glucose monitor)-- my blood glucose actually went down during the ride. Testimony to how relaxed I was secondary to Alex's extremely competent driving.

So I got home this eve, not in the mood to cook, not in the mood to go out, so I was facing a crossroads. One phone call and 35 minutes later I am in Montreux (I usually end up there, don't I) having dinner with Julian, my bud and the godfather of Glocals. Cooking up plans and outings as always for the group, including a monsterous "cardiac hike" next weekend (god save me!).

Between chicken satay and ribs for starters, three shared dishes for main course and (yes) fried pineapple for moi only, dinner went well and the conversation as always was colourful to say the least. I then drove home, ready to crash when I realised that

...oops I did it again: I ate late and therefore I have to stay up, AGAIN, late to calibrate my CGM!!!

stupid.me.

Just as well, it gives me time to reflect on the day and the good time that I had. And the amazing ride home. On the way to Dijon, we took the standard autoroute, amongst the competition between 2 different GPS systems. The ride home proved my GPS to be the winner (my Danish chick that yells at me) as she routed us through the Jura mountains. One of the most beautiful journeys I have taken indeed.

Ever.

The broccoli headed-like trees were sunkissed at their tops, mother nature's fireworks abound with the changing colours of the leaves, twisty-turny roads (mind you, at times interrupted by crappy drivers on the road in front of us, yet I digress...), medieval villages with waist thin alleys, architecture screaming for a BW shot, and the hillsides of sandstone tempting you to touch was surreal.

All of it.

The digestive of the day was a pit stop to click away at Mont Blanc just south of St. Cerge (yes, the place where I was pooped upon by a cow). Cotton candy wafts of pink light scattered the sky, matched with poignant determined spots of blue, yielding the white greatness of the Mont Blanc in such a beautiful contrast set against the quiet bustle of Nyon below. I had my Casio with me, which did not do the shot justice to say the least. With a few snaps and quick cigarette break, the day came to a close.

Yet the drive to Dijon itself, albeit on the sometimes mind numbing asphalt in comparison to the ride home was pale, I admit the wafe-like moon in the daytime sky, transparently so, winked at us continuously in a curious manner. That too was memorable indeed. And to top it off, I was one step closer to my childhood dream of touching the clouds, as we were driving through cloud billows when crossing a lake (forget where!) on the way to Dijon. Should have pulled over....

question-- when does waiting up pay off?