let go...

Boy is it a tough thing when you are faced with this request… what does one do? It is more than a *tell me how you feel, tell me what are you thinking* kind of request—it has nothing to do with the nonchalant *would you mind passing me the butter*. Not to me. When I am asked this, when someone asks me to

…let go: it is asking me to bare everything of what makes me me, for all to see, whether good, bad, beautiful or ugly in the most vulnerable way

and it frightens me. Especially when I have made such strides, secondary to my own decision making and it seems to not quite be enough, coupled with the fact that I have never *let go*. Ever. And even more so when it seems that the very person who wants you to let go is seemingly not letting go themselves. Or are they, and the issue is that we cannot see/smell/feel
or understand it?

Hence the essence of communication—without it, and let’s be honest now, we are so fucked. And we swore to never play games again. It goes back to yesterday’s chat and how some people are brave enough to ask because they care—it takes that measure, that fortitude, to keep relationships moving—that investment needs to be done every. single. day. period.

Similar to calling each other on our shit—yes, that too (remember that chat?!). And as I am feeling this conversation , I realize that I need to ask the same thing of others who want me at the same level—whether it be how we feel, what degree we have let go—whatever. Guess it is part of the responsibility of being beautiful people—edging each other onwards throughout our development, on the journey to that higher place of self, one that is resolute and amazing when shared with another.

On the flip—what if we are not challenged to let go? Are we then complacent to stay in our comfort zone, never to really grow? Or are we staying there, in our safe place, because we feel that the very one who asks us to let go is perceivably not ascribing to their prescription? Or is it that they truly are letting go, in their own way, yet we have not become appreciative of it?

Whatever it is, the bottom line is we. must. communicate. Talk. Act. Breathe. Assign meaning to the words. Share. Love. And if the person runs for the hills because they do not/care not/cannot reciprocate, then it is what it is. Remember though, that not every knows how, yet the degree of separation is that they are willing. And that is what matters most. Anything can happen from there.

As for me, I am letting go. And I will ask as well for I need to be appreciative… that is the trick for developing, moving forward with a solid foundation—embracing the nakedness of vulnerability with another—no matter who *we* and the *other* are. That challenge I am willing, and actually am, partaking in and it is worth it. Every single step.

question: when are you naked?

sewing kit...

sewing kit…

Once again, I am about a mile high, yet this time I am “pseudo blogging”. I am on my way back to Copenhagen from Zürich, after an amazing weekend of a lifetime.

As for the “pseudo blogging”—well, as you all know, I adore SAS for they have internet access on their flights overseas. Since this time I am travelling domestic, no net on board (sigh). Instead I am writing my entries now and will post them when I arrive.

So I was putting just a wee bit more thought into the last couple of conversations we had, and an interesting opportunity arose this past weekend that allows me to appreciate further the little gifts that we have sprinkled throughout our lives. Let’s just leave it at the fact that I was holding back, in fear of having to find a little

…sewing kit: to mend potential breaks of the heart

that would have potentially arisen had I not shared, or most importantly, had I not been asked as to why I was perceivably sad. Wow.

Usually we are easy to read, yet it takes a brave and loving individual to ask, implore and dig to find us when we are in that moment. Those kinds of people are rare to find and they are beautiful people. They are not afraid to ask, for they are not afraid to help, love, nurture or feel the pain with you. Yet it takes a level of vulnerability on our end to open up, allowing that person to come into our lives. And actually, vulnerability on their end as well, for they risk getting hurt just as we do. What an absolute selfless act.

On the flip—what if we hold back what we are feeling, especially when the person asks, in the spirit of loving kindness? Would that not change the course of things, meaning our inability or choosing not to share… would that not slowly kill our spirit to the point that we change? And knowing that, is it not worth it at the end of the day to take the risk and share?

There was a noticeable change in me for a while, the fire in my eyes dwindled a bit as I was carrying the sadness and it was noticed. I was asked after some time as to why, and I will have to say it was at a safe, fun and comfortable moment (these beautiful people have an excellent sense of timing, too). I took the risk and shared. Worth it indeed.

I have learned to share now, especially when the person in front of you puts you above all else. Let them do it, let them act on it, and give back. Take the risk… another notch in growth and development indeed.

question: what is the color of your thread?

breathless magic...

Building on those little gifts from yesterday and how they are inspirational, I started thinking a bit as to HOW they leave us at times. We can be inspired, uplifted to the point where the

…breathless magic: a resounding energy that awakens our spirit, that *something* which is intangible in concept yet tangible in our how we feel

that takes us up a notch. Boy do I really enjoy that! Almost like having that feeling when the pilot comes by… I guess that are one in the same, with the exception that the pilot is more of a guiding force, whereas the little gifts are just a force that propels us forward— no assist on the freefall!

Know what I mean? I m sure at one point we have all been there, whether it is a person, event or creature that takes us there. It is a beautiful place; your heart feels so big, warm and embracing. Would it be nice to stay that way forever? I am in that spot right now… ah, the warm fuzzies!

On the flip: what if this is pure emotion without the guiding force of logic? Does that lead us into disillusion and then get us in trouble? Or is the sole purpose of this magic is to inspire—and leave it at that. I mean after all, we do tend to over rationalize things, do we not?

question: what, or who, leaves you breathless?

little gifts...

Today is a rather interesting holiday in the US—Thanksgiving Day. It is the day where we give thanks, spending time with family and friends all day, sharing a wonderful meal, watching football (NFL) and then heading for that meal calming walk in the afternoon among mother nature’s bustling winds with the remnants of her fireworks, blissfully blowing on the streets at times like little wind devils.

And that got me thinking about what I am thankful for. Or to whom am I thankful? Regardless, we all have a

…little gifts: reflecting love, inspiration and hope

somewhere in our lives, to which we are thankful. It can be anyone or anything, and it has a profound effect on our lives.

Mine? Still a little secret, yet I am so thankful each night as I lay to sleep, and even more so this evening, for tomorrow brings me that special day. After all, little gifts that we keep to ourselves make them all the sweeter and more powerful in moving our spirits to the next level.

On the flip—what if there seems to be no *little gift*? At times we feel overcome with adversity to the point that we cannot even see straight, yet why not look at those things that seem negative as a gift? Were it not for that “unfortunate” force of energy, we would have made another choice that would not allow us to continue on the path that we journey upon.

Either way, whether it is rooted in laughter and love or a spawn of negative energy, some things, the smaller ones, are rather significant.in the impact they have on our lives. And to which, we are thankful.

question: what, or who, is you little gift?

next level...

Yes, I know, have not been around in a few days… let’s just say that time passed faster than expected and the plate is overflowing!

Master thesis… uh, well it is due Monday at noon, and I have such the way to go—the best way to look at it is that I am most thankful I have about 72 hours left to wrap it up. So I have been busy with that, work, salsa lessons minus the ones offered last night, for I took some time away from salsa to instead have my personal development taken to the

…next level: with an open mind and commitment to evolve with the helping hand of another,

continuing the journey of a better being in every way, shape and form.

Wanna know what *it* is that I did? What I have committed myself to as I continue my journey?

Kudos to two individuals, well, three actually who got me to this point to take THE leap last night.

- me, for being brave and plum crazy enough to do it while life has been exhilarating yet more than its share of chaotic
- martin, for guiding me and protecting me as I dove, and
- the beautiful one who inspires me so

I… drum roll….

(Dad, I know you are reading this and yes I understand!) 

I have become a non smoker, making the decision to continue my personal journey smoke free, through the assistance of hypnotherapy.

Wow is all I can say… it does not stop the cravings for nicotine, yet it lifts from your subconscious what ever feelings/anxieties that were tied to the need to smoke. I have not craved to engage in the physical act of smoking at all so far, only my body is aching a bit. And my mantra, when she aches, is *my body craves healing, it does not crave nicotine*. Basically, it opens you to the freedom to choose without the restraint of some hidden emotional need to force you to make the same decision again and again. So as I crave nicotine, I choose not to act and start smoking. Smelling smoke, seeing others smoke does not affect me. And I smoked like a banshee when writing and I have been just fine (always smoked outside, never in the home nor in the car)… even when minus 40 degrees!

(I can feel my Dad’s eyes rolling… smile Dad!)

On the flip—what about that will power? Is it weak to ask for help, even if it can be perceived as unconventional, to get us to the next level? Is going towards a challenge alone making us all the better?

Personally, whatever resources and energies of people we use to get to the next level makes it all the sweeter—as long it is of healthy intentions grounded in the love of others and humanity. We are all in this world together, are we not? And that stigma of shame that is attached to asking for help needs to be removed, and it starts when we ask one another to help us achieve greater things together.

question: who, or what, can get your *it* to the next level?

this is...

I have FINALLY gotten the hang (I think) of uploading images onto my blog.

So I guess we shall see how this test run will work, for I would like to post my pic onto my profile, and with that

...this is: me, untouched, black and white

leaving to the imagination the colors that make up who I am.

I have always found B&W photos to be the most astonishingly beautiful ways to capture the essence of life-- whether it be people, nature or architecture-- and its mystery for us to interpret individually.


On the flip-- could it be that we are drawn to B&W, for it is reflective of a simplicity that is inherently not attainable, in the sense that the grey zones are omitted? After all, when looking at life and its eccentricities, it is full of grey areas and nothing ever seems as cut and dry and B&W.

Speaking of cut and dry, later I will post a few pics from the 72 hour push I participated in CT with the Ned Lamont campaign, along with insights. It was an amazing experience, there were so many brilliant people participating from the ground up this past weekend, that I am still absorbing everything that transpired. And , of course, to *pen* these thoughts will take some energy, for overall it was an overwhelming experience.

question: what is your B&W?

the update...

Yes, I have been out of pocket as of late!

As you know from the beginning of our conversations, I made the “executive decision” to volunteer my time in the worthy fight to change the course of American politics. It is about 9:30pm now as I sit in my hotel room in Meriden, Connecticut. I am exhausted, we out of staters have been going like mad getting all of the bases covered in our ground game to get out the vote. So this evening is time for

…the update: on changing the face of the world we know

when we put our energies forward in getting the world back into balance.

I got in to CT early yesterday morning, I am working out of the Ned Lamont HQ in Meriden, and it is the home base for all out of staters that are here to help in the campaign. I have met most of the FDL gang (they are MORE than amazing!!!—Deb, Lisa, Susan and John), spoken to CT Bob (who I will meet tomorrow night, yea!), and was even able to snag some chat time and a photo with the infamous Tom Swann, the campaign manager. Wow…

So we have been up before 5am each morning, hitting the ground and getting our game on. Yesterday consisted of canvassing neighborhoods, then returning to HQ to get boxes ready for the big day on Tuesday. Today was on the road by 6am to hit major intersections with signage to increase visibility. Oh, and a detour to the local urgent care clinic… long story. And my alarm is set for 4:45am now, for I have to poll watch at 6am. Polls close at 8pm tomorrow, and we are getting very excited!!!

The face here that needs to be changed is the course of US politics. The starting point is by getting progressive Democrats into office, and with Dean’s 50 state strategy we are well on our way.

On the flip: what if the face does not change… I do not even want to go there. It is back to the wish again, my eyes are closed, I am approaching the candles, yet everyone here is doing the same and shares the same wish and we all know it. I hope that when I hit this page tomorrow, I can proudly say that the Senator for CT is Ned Lamont.

question: in your pursuit of making a difference, what is your *what if*?

(yes, long day… going to bed….)

create space...

I have to thank Aadie for sending an amazing entry, from a book in which she is reading, that made me rethink the silence of normalcy.

Quite a few entries ago we had a conversation on “blissful entropy” and how the inspirational chaos drives you to give all you have. We then chatted on how the *silence of normalcy* was the back to the routine kind of bit, a necessary yin to the chaotic yang. Yet what should we do with that silent normalcy, in addition to appreciating it, embracing it? The silent normalcy is our signal that it is time to

…create space: the needed silence to reflect

upon where we are, embrace those around us and in doing so is a step to becoming a beautiful being.
Maybe it was implied in our chat that we do the aforementioned, however what addie sent really hit it on the head in such a way that it made me think more deeply about what can be done during the silence.

addie sends this out to a few of us yesterday:

i read this in a book called Silence.
please take a brief moment to read this:

"In our rush to accomplish, we rarely create the spaces to listen, to
explore the gaps between events

And we find ourselves overwhelmed.

Times of silence reveal to us the equations that is made in our mind
between worth and activity.

When are not producing doing and acting, we feel deprived of any
evidence that we are a worthwhile human being.

Productivity, activity ,and busyness becomes the central vocation in
our life consuming our time and attention. Culturally, we have come to
measure value and worth by the evidence of what we do and accomplish.

[We often ask, "What do you do?"] How rarely do we ask, who are you?
If we cannot define ourselves apart from our credentials it is
difficult to understand another person in a deeper way."
--------------------------

On the flip—what if who we are is not so much defined by what we do, yet is rather the nature of who we are, meaning, what if we are drawn to stay *productive* for we like to give? Or is it that we may give so much that it may be a way to stay productive, so that we do not have to reflect as to why we want to give, what is driving that need?
I have been on that flip, I have answered the above questions over the last few months, and I continue to inquire within as to choices that I am making. And I will have to say, I have been more *silent* these past few months, been more reflective, and to be honest I am finding answers and reaching a degree of understanding myself that I have never done before. And I am so thankful, for now I realized why I wanted to give, and in embracing it I have changed to become a better being, still on the path, striving each day to be a beautiful being.


question: what do you hear during your space?

(thanks addie for sending this! you are an amazingly beautiful person.)

ps-- just finished flying over Greenland…heading to CT as we speak! Nothing like mile high blogging!